15 keys to know if he is the love of your life (or not)
Finding the love of our life is one of the great motivations of our existence, and when we are in a relationship, we may wonder if the person we are with is really the one we want to spend the rest of our life with.
But the answer to this question is not always simple, since the concept of love is really complex. In fact, much research has been done to understand this immense feeling, and experts have not always agreed on how to define it.
Love and falling in love are concepts that are often confused , and someone we can consider the love of our life at the beginning of the relationship, may not be so after a few years. Why? Because love as a couple is a socially constructed phenomenon, and we must not forget that the relationship as a couple is still an interpersonal one, which can be broken at any time, taking with it the immense feeling we may have felt for that person. The love of your life is a love that is worked on, that is cared for every day.
The feeling of love is not enough to make relationships last
The fact is that relational dynamics influence the maintenance of love, and it is not enough to feel a great attraction towards a person and have many things in common . For the relationship to continue and for that person to become the love of our life, it is necessary to take care of the relationship, to do our part and, many times, to make the decision to continue together.
Irrational love can be a major drawback to love’s success, while mature or rational love is more likely to stay alive even in bad times. Efficient negotiation and communication, respect and even the healthy self-esteem of the members of the couple help love to win the game in the face of conflicts.
The 3 key qualities in relationships
Psychologists, sociologists and doctors have tried to understand human behaviour in relation to love. One of the best known researchers in this field is Robert Sternberg. For him, love is based on three key components: intimacy, passion and commitment . According to his triangular theory of love, for a person to be the love of your life they must possess these elements.
Intimacy refers to the closeness between the two actors in a relationship . That is, it is the emotional connection, trust and affection that they have for each other. Passion refers to attraction, excitement, the desire to connect and be with the other. Finally, commitment is the decision to be together despite the difficulties that may arise in the relationship.
Sternberg states that there are different types of love depending on how these three elements are combined. Love, therefore, can be classified in the following ways:
- Honey: according to the author, this kind of love only contains intimacy. It would be a friendship with someone .
- Infatuation: characteristic of relationships that are shallow. There is only passion.
- Empty love: interest is the reason for the two people to be together. There is only commitment .
- Romantic love: there is a great physical attraction, but there is an absence of commitment.
- Sociable love: the lack of passion characterizes this type of love. It can occur when, after several years of relationship, the interest in intimate relationships is lost .
- Fatuous love: a love that lacks intimacy. People desire each other and may try to date, but there is no connection since they are very different and do not share similar tastes.
- Consummate love: it is the complete love. It contains the three elements of Sternberg’s triangular theory.
Staying with someone is a decision
Before knowing which are the keys that help to detect if the person you are with is the love of your life, it is important to know that in this concept cultural influence has a lot to do with it . Likewise, knowing if a person is the love of your life only makes sense in the present moment, with being well in the here and now with your partner, as love relationships have to be worked on every day, and there may be periods when problems arise in the relationship.
Staying with someone is a decision that has to do with how each person thinks and how each person understands the relationship. It also has to do with the conflict resolution capacity of the participants. So in a way it is an individual process. There are people who do not value someone they had at one point in their life, and a few years later, when they have matured, they realize what they have lost.
Keys to Knowing If You Are the Love of Your Life
Now, if you feel good about someone, are attracted to them, see them in the future, and respect their opinions, that person is possibly the love of your life (at least at that particular moment). In short, the love of your life is the one who makes you feel that you are in a healthy relationship and therefore has the following characteristics:
1. Is unconditional
The love of your life is unconditional, because respects and loves you despite the bad times . He does not judge, but accepts.
2. It is generous
He’s generous and he cares about giving. It is a balanced love, in which both members give and receive equally .
3. Is a negotiator and prone to resolve conflicts
Not having conflicts with the love of your life is unrealistic, because everyone has their own opinions and life is not always easy. However, the love of your life will take care to negotiate and communicate with you to solve any problems that may arise in the relationship.
4. Does not make you suffer
Obviously there are bad times and good times in a relationship. But when you find the love of your life, the good times far outweigh the bad times.
5. Is respectful
A true love is not selfish , because it cares about the needs of its partner. It also takes into account the opinions of the other member and respects them.
6. Powered by a deep connection
Respect makes you have great trust with the love of your life. Therefore, the emotional connection is very deep and flows constantly.
7. It is built up over time
Falling in love can be based on a strong attraction, but over time, this attraction can diminish and conflicts over not having enough intimacy and commitment can lead to breakup. The love of your life is a mature love, which is built up little by little.
8. Makes for fun times
The love of your life is an unforgettable love, because it makes you feel good moments. That does not mean that 24 hours a day you have to live in a cloud , but it does mean that on a global level satisfaction with the relationship is a reality.
9. Nourishes sexuality
Sexuality does not have to be the same as the first days of the relationship, but the love of your life will work so that the flame of passion is not lost .
10. He is a detailist
The love of your life is detailed, and these details are not necessarily material. Your true love does not leave you out , for it works daily so that the relationship does not deteriorate.
11. Concerned about the relationship
The love of your life is aware that a relationship must be worked on because it goes beyond falling in love. It’s an altruistic love.
12. It’s realistic
It is a mature and therefore realistic love. It does not live on unrealistic expectations nor does it idealise the other person. It is a rational love.
13. Is honest
There is a fluid communication with the love of your life, and a great respect. There are no big secrets, because there’s nothing to hide.
14. Not a dependent
In authentic love the two members of the relationship are well together and it is not a dependent love, mainly because each one has its own space and a healthy self-esteem.
15. It is a support
The love of your life is a support, is a friend with sensual moments. He respects you, he understands you and you have good times together.