The correct management of emotions is intimately linked to our happiness , because they influence our thinking, our behaviour and, obviously, our mental health.

That’s why the subject of toxic emotions has a special interest both as a topic to discuss (is it right to talk about this kind of emotions with that name?) and as a phenomenon we experience.

Emotion Management and Emotional Intelligence

In recent decades, the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EI) has become very popular in the field of psychology, as its use becomes increasingly necessary to improve the well-being and quality of life of individuals. Education in emotional intelligence is one of the keys to preparing mentally strong people who can face the various difficult situations or challenges that life presents.

Emotionally strong people have a great capacity for self-knowledge, detecting the emotions they are feeling and regulating them according to the context in which they find themselves.

This is appropriate, because it is not always easy to distinguish between types of emotions . Many times, there are cases in which the same person understands less what he is feeling than those who relate to him on a daily basis, because the simple fact of living these emotions in our own flesh can lead us to interpret them in a biased, fallacious way.

Fortunately, the ability to regulate and recognize emotions is something that can be learned, at least within limits. And that implies that we are able to limit the power that toxic emotions have in us . This requires practice and patience, but the fruits are felt in different areas of our lives, since our emotional state does not cease to influence us at any time.

Types of emotions: positive and toxic

There are different types of emotions, and therefore recognizing them is key for us to regulate our behavior. Becoming aware of our emotions is the first step to improve our well-being, but it is also necessary to interact with other people effectively.

In addition to other classifications of emotions, depending on how they affect the person may be positive or negative (toxic) . Positive ones, which are also known as healthy ones, positively affect a person’s well-being and are pleasant when you feel them. On the other hand, negative emotions, also known as toxic, affect the person who feels them negatively and are unpleasant, so we tend to avoid them.

  • If you want to know more about the different types of emotions, you can visit our article: “The 8 types of emotions (classification and description)”

Benefits of correct emotional management

Unfortunately, this classification of positive and negative emotions causes us much suffering, because we can get stuck in these toxic emotions if we do not face them and if we do not accept them.

We must be clear that there is nothing wrong with feeling those unpleasant emotions, which can be nothing more than a warning sign and can help us to grow. However, when we stay in them for a long time they become toxic emotions and cause us enormous suffering .

Toxic emotions

As we have seen, there are different types of emotions, but what are the disabling emotions? What are the characteristics of toxic emotions?

Below you can find a complete list of these negative emotions .

1. Dependent attachment

Attachment is the emotional bond we build with other people. It develops in childhood, already with the first contacts with the mother. Although attachment in itself is neither good nor bad, there are different types of attachment. Secure attachment is undoubtedly the healthiest. On the other hand, dependent attachment causes us a lot of suffering and does not allow us to be happy. It is an insecure type of attachment, in which the person has low self-esteem and is easily manipulated.

  • If you want to know more about the types of attachment, you can do it in this post: “The Attachment Theory and the Parent-Child Bond”

2. Fear

Fear is an emotion that is considered negative but is actually adaptive and useful. The problem arises when fear takes over our lives, and low self-esteem and lack of confidence make us afraid of everything. Fear must be faced and overcome because, otherwise, it is highly disabling .

3. Despair

While patience is one of the best virtues a human being can possess, despair is just the opposite. Even more so when it dominates our life and does not let us be happy. It is based in good part on rumination, that is, a tendency to think all the time about what makes us feel worse without being able to imagine or carry out ways to solve the problem.

4. Jealousy

Jealousy is one of the worst emotions we can feel , because not only does it hurt another person, but it hurts us. Jealousy makes us unhappy and gives us a hard time because we are always thinking about ideas that undermine our self-esteem and make us adopt a hostile attitude.

5. Grudge

A grudge is one of those emotions that do not let us move forward , especially because it accumulates and gets stuck inside us looking to express itself in some way, usually in the form of anger. People with a grudge have a series of characteristics that you can find by clicking here.

6. Sense of failure

When we have unrealistic or very high expectations, we can fall into the error of feeling like a constant failure . It is normal for us to feel a bit unmotivated, at the beginning, when we don’t get what we want or when things don’t turn out as we had planned. However, we have to see the good side of things, and these facts that may seem negative to us at first, may be perfect opportunities to grow.

7. Pride

Although we believe that being proud makes us strong in the face of others, in reality it can be an obstacle to our well-being and our interpersonal relationships .

It makes us easily offended or angry about nothing, or even artificially create conflict where there should be none. So this kind of behavior should be avoided because it usually only serves to make our lives more complicated and to move us away from a humble attitude that allows us to learn.

You may be interested in: “5 tips to stop being so proud”

8. Sloth

Laziness rings a bell because it is one of the capital sins , but it is also negative for us if it becomes a constant. It can make us not face up to challenges and manifests itself through laziness. Laziness makes us careless and we must avoid being defeated, since it can sabotage our most important plans, making us never undertake interesting projects, arriving late, etc.

9. Caprice

Whimsy is another of the toxic emotions that make us tremendously unhappy . Caprice is a totally irrational desire, in which we desire something with intensity, but when we have it it makes us feel empty and in search of something else, something that satisfies our empty desire. For this reason, it usually goes hand in hand with a feeling of wasting time.

10. Envy

There is nothing good to say about envy , because this emotion traps us and makes us miserable people. It makes us aware of others when true happiness is found in oneself. Envy seriously damages our well-being and our interpersonal relationships.

11. Shame

Shame is one of those disabling and paralyzing emotions , that do not let us be ourselves or develop as we should. In fact, this is one of the most frequent toxic emotions and causes great suffering. We must take courage and not let shame take over.

12. Anger

Anger is one of the emotions that we must control very carefully n, because when we live with other individuals, we cannot give free rein to this impulse. Although it is useful in certain contexts (for example, when we immediately remove people who are hurting us a lot from our lives), anger seriously damages interpersonal relationships and is a breeding ground for conflict. It is the opposite of peace and reconciliation.

13. Anguish

Anguish is a fairly common emotion that must be avoided at all costs because it makes us live in constant discomfort . This emotion can make us make wrong decisions and affect our behaviour in a negative way. In addition, if this situation continues for a long time, it can weaken our immune system a lot.

14. Dissatisfaction

Dissatisfaction also makes us tremendously unhappy , because it manifests itself in such a way that the reality we live never meets our expectations. No matter how well we do and what we have achieved in our lives, nothing is ever enough. One of the causes of dissatisfaction is perfectionism.

  • If you want to know more about this personality trait, just read our article: “Perfectionist Personality: The Disadvantages of Perfectionism”

15. Melancholy

Sadness is a normal thing and it happens to all of us. In fact, it’s okay to feel sad when there’s a reason you need to go through a grieving phase. But when that grief lasts a long time and sadness becomes a habit, then we should consider getting out of it. Melancholy is really harmful for us , because it paralyses us and causes us great unnecessary suffering.

16. Victimization and constant crying

Victimhood is a toxic emotion that denotes insecurity in the person. It is characterized by the fact that the person always feels victimized by everything that happens and does not take control of the situation, nor does he or she do anything to get out of it.

  • You may be interested in: “Chronic Victimhood: People who complain about vice”

17. Toxic guilt

We can all feel guilty at some point in our lives , but we must learn to forgive ourselves if we cannot do anything about it. Living with this emotion constantly is painful, so it is important to differentiate between real and not real guilt. The latter refers to blaming oneself without having the guilt and is the most harmful form.

Looking at the types of toxic emotions in perspective

The appearance or not of the types of toxic emotions depends in a good way on the emotional education we have to prevent the discomfort from becoming chronic.

Emotional education is important because it teaches us to deal with these emotions and to accept them . Its benefits are:

  • Getting to know ourselves better and labeling the emotions we feel
  • Improve our self-esteem and self-confidence
  • Make better decisions and think more clearly
  • Performing better at work and improving occupational health and interpersonal relations with clients
  • Reducing stress and protecting ourselves against it
  • Improve relationships with others and be more empathetic
  • Grow and develop
  • Improve our psychological well-being

With this in mind, training ourselves to distinguish toxic emotions by their causes and by the characteristics that distinguish them from other emotions will be key to improving quality of life.

Bibliographic references:

  • Ekman, P. (1999). Basic Emotions. In: T. Dalgleish and M. Power (Eds.). Handbook of Cognition and Emotion. John Wiley & Sons Ltd, Sussex, United Kingdom:.
  • LeDoux, J. E. (1995). Emotion: Clues from the brain. Annual Review of Psychology, 46, 209-235.
  • Levenson, R.W. (1994). Human emotion. A functional view. In P. Ekman & R.J. Davidson (Eds). The nature of Emotions: Fundamental Questions. New York: Oxford University Press.
  • Scherer, K. (2005). What are emotions and how can they be measured? Social Science Information Vol. 44, No. 4: 695-729.