Everyone wants to be happy and live a full life; however, we often engage in behavior that does not favor us or think in a way that does not help us at all in this regard.
While there are a number of events outside of us that we cannot control and that influence how we feel, we can control how we relate to them .
Things we do to ourselves and should avoid
Because many times we are our own worst enemies . That is why, in this article, I have prepared a list of things we do to ourselves that can negatively affect our well-being.
So, if you want to be happy, you have to stop:
1. Obsessing about happiness
We all want to be happy; however, when we become obsessed with happiness, we achieve the opposite. Happiness is found in oneself, not in others, and has a lot to do with valuing what we have, following our path and our desires, and having rational expectations.
2. Being emotionally dependent
Emotional dependence is a consequence of having low self-esteem . By depending on other people and giving them your happiness, we feel addicted to their presence. It is a phenomenon that often occurs in some relationships. If you want to avoid it, you can read this article: “12 tips to overcome emotional dependence”
3. To think that you always have the absolute truth
We all have our own way of thinking and we have all had different experiences. To believe that everything we think is the only truth is a mistake. This mentality does not allow us to grow and, moreover, does not allow us to respect other people’s opinions . Even if you don’t agree, others may have valid opinions too.
4. Let the past rule your life
The past is there and we cannot change it, but we can change the way we relate to that moment in our lives. We all make mistakes and, therefore, to be happy it is necessary to accept them and learn from them. There is no point in recreating something that has already happened.
5. Being so hard on yourself
Because when we live in the past, it’s easy to be hard on ourselves. Therefore, it is necessary to accept (not forget) and stop blaming ourselves for the things we have not liked in our life. Acceptance is key to grow as people and to enjoy greater emotional well-being.
6. Do not be proactive
To enjoy greater emotional well-being it is necessary to be in motion; that is to say, to fight for our goals and not to be still waiting for things to happen on their own .
7. Fear of uncertainty
One of the most common fears is the fear of uncertainty. It is the fear of not knowing what will happen if we take risks, so we prefer to stay still, even though we are not going through a good time .
Complaining is not going to change your life , so there is no point in doing so. It is better to analyse why things went wrong and try to change. If you can’t change, you have to accept it.
9. Think negative
Thinking negatively immobilizes us, therefore, we must be optimistic and look to the future with a positive mindset.
10. Control everything
The fear of uncertainty often makes us want to have everything under control , so that we do not have to expose ourselves to the anxiety that uncertainty creates.
11. Stay in the comfort zone
And this fear of uncertainty forces us to remain in the comfort zone, that is, in that place where we feel comfortable, and which, although it does not benefit us, invites us to remain there indefinitely.
12. Ignoring your limiting beliefs
Sometimes we think that what we believe is right; but, in reality, it prevents us from growing. These thoughts are called limiting beliefs and we should avoid them. Sometimes, we have a belief about something that makes us pessimistic about our possibilities , and when we test ourselves, we realize that it wasn’t that bad. We have to avoid this kind of belief in order to be happy.
13. Thinking about what others think of you
Thinking about what others think about you prevents you from being happy and, moreover, makes you waste a lot of energy . To be happy you need to look inwards and not outwards.
14. Blaming others
Blaming others can be an excuse for not recognizing that sometimes we can be wrong . We have to keep our feet on the ground and be realistic.
15. Looking at problems head on
And blaming others is one way to avoid dealing with problems. Therefore, if we want to solve things, it is always better to face the problems and be aware that change is possible.
Not blaming others does not mean that we should blame ourselves, but that we should analyse problems or difficult situations as they are, without looking the other way, and learn from them to improve our situation. We should not blame ourselves, but accept that things happen, whether they are good or bad.
17. Engaging in toxic relationships
Toxic relationships can do a lot of damage, but it is not always easy to recognize that we are in one . If we tend to go from relationship to relationship and always have the same problem, perhaps it is not other people’s problem, but our own.
18. Being afraid of relationships because previous ones didn’t work
We can’t go from one extreme to the other either , that is, not having relationships with others because the previous ones didn’t work. Every relationship is a world, so if we want to be with someone, we need to work on it.
19. Competing with others
Competing with others can make us tremendously unhappy, because everyone has their own virtues and their own defects . It is important that we value ourselves as we are and not try to be better than others, but to follow our own path.
20. Being jealous
Being jealous not only hurts the victim of jealousy, but also the person who is jealous. We must avoid being jealous, and if the problem is in one’s self-esteem, we must take action on it .
21. Being envious
Envy must be avoided. Although to a greater or lesser extent we can all desire something that another person has, envy cannot be a constant in our lives, because it negatively affects our self-esteem and is not positive for our interpersonal relationships.
22. Being spiteful
Grudge is not good for ourselves either, because makes us have a great anger inside and causes us great suffering to ourselves.
23. Be vengeful
It may seem that spite and revenge are the same thing; however, spite is a thought and revenge is the action that results from that thought of wishing harm on someone who has hurt us. Revenge is often a bad choice.
24. Being afraid of change
The fear of change is paralyzing and is not at all adaptive . To be happy we need to eliminate it from our lives.
25. Always do the same things
Doing the same thing all the time can be a symptom of wanting to stay in the comfort zone, so it’s good to try new things, things that stimulate us and make us learn new ways of looking at life.
26. Rate you negatively
Valuing yourself negatively has a dire consequence on your emotional balance and psychological well-being. That is why you have to accept yourself as you are.
27. Being a perfectionist
Perfectionism may seem like a positive behavior and way of thinking, but to think that everything has to be perfect is always an unrealistic belief that causes a lot of suffering.
Procastinating is not a good option, so… why put off until tomorrow what we can do today? Getting used to procastinating can have negative consequences, such as causing an excess of tasks that can lead to stress.
29. Judging others
Judging others is not beneficial to us or to them, especially if we live with prejudices of race, sex, etc.
30. Living far from the present
One of the keys to well-being is living in the present moment and not in irrational expectations . To learn to be in the here and now, it is possible to practice Mindfulness.
31. Not respecting the opinions of others
Another mistake to avoid is being intolerant and not respecting the opinions of others. The lack of tolerance generates unnecessary conflicts .
32. Not loving yourself
If tolerance generates conflicts between people, not loving oneself creates internal conflicts that make us feel really bad.