Unfortunately, relationships are not always healthy, and abuse is a phenomenon that occurs in some toxic relationships. In the article “Psychological abuser’s profile: 21 common features” we already go into the psychological profile of an abusive individual. But… how can we know that we are victims of psychological abuse?
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Questions to know if you suffer from psychological partner abuse
Below you can find a list of questions that can help you know if you are a victim of this type of psychological abuse . They will also allow you to reflect on the basis of your relationship and perhaps help you to realise that something is not working properly.
Does he tell you how to dress? if you go in a way he doesn’t like, he gets angry with you for it and you decide to change your clothes? are there clothes you don’t wear anymore because you know he doesn’t like you to go like that and you’re going to get in trouble for it?
Abusers are controlling and authoritative. Their insecurity makes them toxicly jealous.
2. When you do something for your partner, does he thank you or does he make you feel that it is your obligation?
Psychological abuse often involves manipulation, as you can see in the article “6 manipulation strategies used by abusers”.
3. Does he make important decisions without considering your opinion?
Manipulators are authoritarian people , who think they are always right in everything.
4. Do you control the money you spend? do you have to ask your partner for the money? do you ask permission when buying something, either for yourself or for the house?
In addition to monitoring clothing, it also keeps track of expenses and finances.
5. Do you have to inform him of your schedule?
The person who is manipulative, directs his partner’s life. He doesn’t let him be free.
6. Does it detract from your personal or professional achievements?
She is not able to tell you how much you are worth, because she is interested in making you feel insecure and with low self-esteem .
7. Do you organize your free time? Do you feel that in your free time you have to consult him on what to invest your time in?
Control the way you dress, the expenses and also your time.
8. When you have a problem, minimize it with comments such as: that’s nothing, you complain about a vice, etc.?
The abuser does not feel love for you, even though sometimes he disguises himself so that you remain attached to his abuse.
9. Does it make you doubt your abilities?
If you are unsure, it is easier to fall into their nets.
10. Count the times you do things you don’t want to do or don’t agree with to avoid an argument
It is common for an abuser to throw things at you to justify his attitude.
11. Does it make you feel like you wouldn’t know how to move on if you weren’t by his side?
If you don’t see yourself as capable of leaving the suffering behind, you won’t and you will continue to fall prey to its mistreatment.
12. Does your partner tell you that he will stop hitting you when you start behaving properly?
Often, even though you are not to blame, he will unjustifiably accuse you of his attitude.
13. Does it get angry if you invest more time in your friends or family than you think is necessary?
One of the ways to isolate yourself is by making you feel bad about having contact with your family and friends .
14. If you are in public, are you afraid to say what you think in case it brings you consequences with your partner?
The abuser is trying to make you feel guilty about even acting right.
15. Have you stopped telling your friends and family about your problems because you know that if they found out, they would be angry?
In the end, the relationship becomes toxic. Trust is completely lost.
16. Does your partner control what you’ve been doing and doesn’t believe your answers?
Lack of trust, moreover, becomes mistrust.
17. Do you control your mobile phone and your social networks?
Social networks are part of our daily lives. That’s why the abuser seeks to control them at all costs.
18. Do you feel uncomfortable if someone of the opposite sex looks at you in case your partner notices and could be the subject of another discussion?
Unhealthy jealousy is part of everyday life in a toxic relationship .
19. Does your partner criticize or embarrass you in front of other people?
He doesn’t respect you, and he doesn’t mind disrespecting you in front of others.
20. Does your partner show jealousy, with behaviors such as accusing you of having affairs?
Distrust is very great in this type of relationship, and accusations of unfounded infidelity can be just as great.
21. Do you often use emotional blackmail to achieve your goals?
Emotional blackmail is a weapon widely used by abusers. You can check it out in the article “Emotional blackmail: a powerful form of manipulation in the couple”.
22. Does he treat you as if he were your father/mother instead of your partner?
Your relationship is not a love relationship based on respect.
23. Do you feel compelled or pushed to have sex with your partner?
It is such the dominance he exercises over you , that you feel obliged to please him.
24. Do you feel that you cannot be yourself when you are with your partner?
You’re afraid of his reaction, so your behavior changes.
25. Are you afraid to express an opinion different from your partner’s?
Manipulative people are authoritarian and therefore their opinion is the only one that counts.
26. Do you feel that even when you are not there, when you want to be yourself, you think that it might bother you and you stop doing the things you wanted to do?
His influence on you is so great, that even without being present, you fear him.
27. Does it remind you a thousand times of the mistakes you have made?
It behaves like this to make you feel inferior and that your self-esteem suffers.
28. Do you feel guilty when you get sick?
Even when you’re sick, you can’t be yourself.
29. Have you stopped seeing your family or friends because of your partner’s behavior?
He tried to take you away from your family, and he succeeded.
30. Do you watch what you do for fear that your partner will get angry or feel bad?
The fear of your partner is such that you behave just as he wants.
31. Has the way he addresses you changed and become imperative?
At first, the abuser may seem like a good person, but over time, he brings out his true personality. To learn more about the subtle aspects of personality, you can learn more in some of the works in this selection of books: “The 31 Best Psychology Books You Can’t Miss.
32. Are you afraid?
If you’re afraid of your partner, then you must react. Seek help from people close to you and professionals.
33. When an argument has taken place, in most cases you give in even though you are right because it could take days without talking to you and making you feel empty?
You have completely mastered your behaviour , and you are no longer able to even be assertive.
34. Do you blame your friends for originating your arguments and keep you away from them?
In an attempt to alienate you from your friends, he blames them for your arguments.
35. Do you feel anxious or nervous when you are around your partner?
Fear and anxiety manifest themselves when you have to be close to your partner.
36. Do you go places and do activities that you don’t want to do so that you don’t get angry?
You stop being yourself because you’re afraid of him.
37. Are you afraid to tell him some things because you know his reaction may be disproportionate?
Not only do you go places you don’t want to, but you don’t say what you think for fear of their reaction.
38. Do you feel you need his approval in everything you do, or even think?
You are not a free person, for you depend on him in every way. You can’t even think freely.
39. If you have a problem outside of your partner’s scope, does it make you feel responsible for it?
Makes you feel guilty even in situations that have nothing to do with your relationship.
40. Do you notice that when someone else does the same thing, they value it more positively than if you do it yourself?
He treats you differently from others, and he can be very different with other people.