Falling in love is a whirlwind of emotions so intense that sometimes people experience a sense that they are not in control of anything they do or say and are helpless. This feeling of chaos usually extends to their ability to analyze their own feelings for that person.

Even though love is something important, that does not mean that we are well prepared to identify it wherever it occurs. That is why it is very useful to know the main differences between love and infatuation .

Main differences between infatuation and love

If we have to create a theoretical distinction between infatuation and falling in love, it can be the following: in infatuation we are not attracted to the person, but to the idea we have formed of that person, based largely on inventions and self-deception .

So, while in love, although the emotional bond is also basically irrational, it is based on the experiences lived together and not on fictions, in infatuation there is a kind of infatuation with a person who really only exists in our head and who superficially resembles someone real. This means that the only thing that gives us the person who really exists is his appearance and his superficial attraction .

Now then… how do you distinguish between infatuation and infatuation in everyday life? For this, theoretical definitions are not very useful, taking into account that knowing how to recognize these phenomena in our daily life is complicated, and even more so when a part of our rationality has been hijacked by emotions.

Fortunately, there are some discoveries that allow us to find concrete differences between infatuation and infatuation. Let’s see what they are.

1. Eye contact

Something as simple as looking into one’s eyes in a sustained way is capable of strengthening lasting affective bonds, such as those that are proper to love. That is why the time spent making mutual eye contact spontaneously is an indicator of the strength of the love bonds. In fact, in types of attraction based simply on the physical, the gaze is directed more towards other areas of the body, especially those that are erotically charged.

By the way, the strengthening of love bonds through the action of looking into each other’s eyes is even between humans and some of the domestic animals they care for, as you can see in this article: “Can there be love between species? Research supports the ‘yes’ vote.

2. You use “we” almost as much as “I”

Love not only takes shape in what we do, but also has an effect on what we say; both in the content of our speech, and in the forms in which we express it. That is why it makes sense to look at if you use the first person plural more than usual when talking about how you feel about the relationship.

This indicates that there has been a shift from a totally personal perspective to one in which what is shared has gained importance. We are talking a bit more about the couple’s point of view, an entity that is more than the sum of two people who are independent of each other.

3. Your personalities are similar

Contrary to popular culture, opposites do not attract each other , or at least statistically they do not tend to do so during long term relationships. The difficulties involved in relating much with someone whose habits, customs and behaviour patterns are far removed from one’s own wear down relationships.

However, it is not unusual to become infatuated with people who are very different from oneself, as they have an exotic component that, at first glance, generates interest and curiosity, or even a touch of exclusivity because of the “strangeness” of the other person.

4. You have had very little contact with each other and you already fantasize about the relationship

The defining element of infatuation is idealization . Since little is known about the other person, we fill in the gaps of knowledge about him or her with absolutely optimistic fantasies about him or her. And, although we do not realize it, those fantasies happen to mark the way in which we perceive the actions of that person; that is why something that we would find ridiculous if our cousin did it seems to us adorable if that special someone does it.

Furthermore, there is evidence that part of the special attraction attributed to other people comes simply from the fact that they are “new”, we did not know them before and they arrive at a time when we are predisposed to find a partner . This is closely related to a psychological phenomenon observed in mammals in general: the Coolidge effect, by which we seek to have relationships with new individuals.

5. Do you think it’s okay to sacrifice for the relationship

In infatuation, a predisposition to make sacrifices for the relationship is less frequent, while in love it is relatively normal in statistical terms. However, it is important to point out that is not about sacrifices for the other person, but for the relationship , the unit that forms the emotional bond that unites these people. Otherwise, it would always be the same person who would commit his or her time, resources and efforts to do favors for the other, so we would be talking about a toxic asymmetric relationship.