Sometimes, starting to date and living an “official” relationship costs less than getting the lovers to share intimacy. It is one thing for two people to consider each other as lovers, but it is another to achieve a degree of true intimate connection.
For example, it’s very easy to go to the movies together, have a good time talking, or fit in with each other’s family and friends, but opening up in an honest way and even connecting physically through touching and nonverbal language can sometimes be difficult.
We will now review some keys to making relationships develop a high degree of intimacy and emotional connection.
Increase the degree of intimacy in love relationships
In order to remove possible barriers that create unnecessary separation between lovers, it is indispensable to make an intense intimate connection between the two
1. Review the imperfections you know about your partner
Love exists because we know how to appreciate the uniqueness and unrepeatability of the other , their mortality and their vulnerability. It may seem strange, but building intimacy within a couple’s relationship is based, among other things, on recognizing the imperfections of oneself and of the person one loves.
Being aware at all times of the human and limited character of the members of the couple means that the good actions performed by the other person are not seen with suspicion, as if it were a strategy for instrumental purposes, as would a robot that follows programmed instructions to fulfill its function. On the other hand, by keeping in mind that the expressions of affection and love are genuine and are born from the need to be in the company of the other, they allow them to be received by lowering the defenses.
2. Learn to give opportunities
There are people who have been so exposed to cruelty and betrayal that they find it hard to trust even their partners, so that the degree of intimacy in the relationship is damaged. For example, certain caresses can generate more anxiety than pleasure, because they are performed in delicate areas (belly, neck, etc.).
In these cases, the best thing is to “force” oneself to trust the person loved, and to think that it is not the person who really generates anxiety , but the attempts to cross a certain threshold of intimacy , something that at some point in the past brought bad results and left an emotional mark on one’s mind. It is very useful to start by exposing ourselves to lighter forms of intimacy, to progress little by little from there.
So, leaving room for the other person to take the initiative and show that nothing is wrong is an excellent way for our bodies to get used to not activating the alert state every time we expose our vulnerabilities.
3. Learn to give support rather than practical advice when needed
As emotional contexts, relationships are based more on affection than on giving advice and exchanging practical information about how things work. Ultimately, the latter can be achieved through many means, but the couple’s companionship is unique, and offers the possibility of connecting on such a deep level that it goes beyond simple “data transmission”.
That is why, in order to generate intimacy in love relationships, it is necessary to be clear that emotional support is the best thing we can give and that, to do so, it is more useful to listen and empathize than to simply transform what we hear into indications and instructions about how the other person should live life.
In the end, most of the concerns and problems that are talked about in the intimate context of the couple’s relationship are not the result of a lack of information (in that case it would not be so difficult to solve them) but of aspects more related to one’s own fears, situations that generate anxiety, etc.
4. Encourages the emergence of such conversations
Through words it is also possible to build intimacy. However, at the beginning it is better not to do it in an abrupt and very direct way.
You can start by telling a very personal story about your past so that your partner can get into that story and the narrative can start to remind him/her of certain experiences in his/her life . That way, starting with a story that resonates emotionally on both sides of the relationship, it is easier to start a spontaneous conversation about your own and intimate experiences, which usually don’t come to light.
5. Do not judge or trivialize
It may seem very obvious, but in practice some people tend to use sarcasm and acidic humor as a mechanism to trivialize stories about personal experiences and thus interrupt that conversation and change the subject (to start talking about something more comfortable and less compromising). Avoid this, and when you notice that the next thing you say is along these lines, give yourself a warning. Preventing this kind of strategy by knowing it in advance is a good way to make intimate conversations flow well.