If anything has become clear after decades of scientific research in the field of psychology, it is that it is one thing to think something and another thing entirely to do it . Even if we have total confidence in the veracity of a statement, for example, we can behave in a totally incongruous way with it, as if we do not believe it is true.
An example would be smoking: we know that the drawbacks of using tobacco far outweigh the benefits, yet we continue to smoke. The same is true even if there is no chemical addiction involved: we know it is good for us to go to the gym, but we hardly go even if we pay for it month by month.
Our love lives are often filled with the same kind of incongruities. Sometimes we know that we love the other person, yet we almost never let them know it or, when we try, we fail. We simply do not know where to begin to improve the health of the relationship through such forms of expression of love. Learning to express more affection for the person we love can be a challenge.
Why do we find it hard to show love?
In many ways, what we do in a relationship basically depends on learned habits, just as it does in the rest of our lives. Romantic relationships or relationships in which there is simply love (for example, mother-child) are not hermetic spaces totally separate from the rest of our experiences, and that means that we arrive at them with certain beliefs and expectations about what it means to have a partner.
Sometimes, when we begin to bond emotionally with someone in an intimate and loving way, we already do so knowing that these relationships are fundamentally between two human beings, with a wide range of emotional states and affective needs that may not always seem evident during the first hours of conversation.
However, at other times we arrive at the world of relationships without knowing either how to recognize signs of emotional needs or how to respond to them. In these cases, the expectations about what a courtship or marriage is include a very limited range of emotions and feelings, without variety . In theory we know that our partner is a human being, but on the ground we find it difficult to act with simplicity when faced with their most intimate expressions. What should we do in these cases? Let’s see.
How to learn to express more affection to those we love
To truly connect emotionally with someone, it is necessary to get used to embracing all facets of what it means to be in an emotional relationship. Let’s see what the main keys to achieving this are.
1. Note their concerns
A good way to establish an intimate connection with someone begins with knowing what aspects of their day-to-day life most arouse their emotional reactions. It can be a hobby, a place, a memory… From this information it is possible to start stimulating conversations in which the conditions exist to express all kinds of feelings.
2. Avoid preconceived ideas
Spend a few minutes thinking about which of your beliefs about the other person could be based simply on prejudices that do not hold . These unjustified ideas may have to do with that person’s personality, hobbies, etc.
This exercise serves to avoid situations in which the other person feels misunderstood when we realize that the degree of knowledge we have about them is limited, which can hinder a true empathic connection.
3. Take time to understand what she needs
Each person has different needs, knowing what they are allows r econocerating the time and place in which expressing affection can be received in a positive way .
4. What makes you most admire that person?
Stopping to think about this issue is perfect for communicating the affection or love we feel for someone. It is a way in which we can sort out our feelings and put them into words, so that that feeling takes on a form that the other person can understand and therefore can appreciate that act of communication as something that will not only reinforce their self-esteem, but also say a lot about us.
5. Detects sensitive areas and taboos
No one is perfect, and the other person may have certain issues that are “off-limits” or that they are not comfortable dealing with. Ideally, these taboos and self-imposed limits should not exist , but since they are there, we should let the other person decide how and with whom to cross these thresholds. That is why when performing intimate communicative acts with someone, one must take into account in an approximate way which is the comfort zone that one must try to respect.