Among the experiences that can cause the most pain to human beings is divorce or separation , which can affect an entire family (parents and children) and can cause wounds that, sometimes, are difficult to repair.

Often, after a divorce, disputes over custody of children or the couple’s property cause even more suffering, making this a complicated mourning process. In this article you will find advice on how to deal with separation .

Dealing with a separation

The fact is that living through a divorce in one’s own flesh is hard, and many times we can feel that the pain is hard to bear. The psychological consequences of divorce are many , in most cases: low self-esteem, depression and sadness, and anxiety or emotions such as guilt, anger appear frequently. However, at this stage other consequences also arise at the family and economic level that can seriously complicate recovery.

If you are going through a separation, in the following lines we present 7 tips that will help you to face the separation in a more adaptive way.

1. Accept it

Nobody likes to go through this painful stage, but there are things in this life that we cannot change. When we separate from our spouse, we leave behind many memories and habits in which we have shared even our greatest intimacy. Accepting that nothing will ever be the same again is complicated, but it is necessary to recover our well-being.

Acceptance is the starting point when we want to overcome separation, otherwise we can get carried away by negative emotions such as anger or guilt. Understanding the emotional pain we feel in this moment, recognizing that it is part of life and that, if we manage it well, it can even allow us to grow, is the right way to overcome this delicate moment.

Related article: “Parents’ divorce, how does it affect children?”

2. Avoid isolation

It’s normal to feel bad in these hard times. If you have loved the person you are separating from, you may be down and even cry at times. These emotions are normal, but they must be managed correctly so as not to fall into the error of isolation. Staying away from everyone is a way of getting closer to sadness and depressive symptoms.

Expressing one’s feelings is a good way to free oneself from the emotional burden: this is what is known as catharsis. At these times it is good to surround yourself with loved ones who can provide support in overcoming separation.

3. Learn from divorce

Unpleasant experiences help us to grow, so instead of recreating yourself in the negative, use the separation to learn and therefore grow as a person. You may not see it in the initial moments, but you can come out of this situation reinforced if you manage the grieving process well . Now that you are separated, take advantage of this opportunity to do what you have always wanted to do. Fight for your personal development.

4. Do things that fill you up

Happiness has a lot to do with those moments when we spend doing pleasant activities, those that make us feel good. Our habits and our positive mentality can make us live enriching moments and can allow us to take advantage of opportunities that may arise. Playing sports, for example, is key to reducing stress or separation anxiety , and helps to improve the mood and self-esteem that is damaged after a divorce.

In addition, outdoor activities are key because, as scientific studies indicate, the sun (as long as exposure is healthy) causes an increase in vitamin D in our bodies. This vitamin has a positive influence on the proper functioning of the immune system and increases the production of endorphins, endogenous substances related to pleasure.

5. Don’t be obsessed with finding another partner

Divorce causes great discomfort, and some individuals feel the urge to replace their partner with someone else. Although it sometimes seems that the phrase “one nail pulls out the other nail” is true, in reality it is not, because it is important to regain emotional balance in order to make good decisions and get back into a relationship.

When we feel a great emptiness because of the separation it is easy to believe that we will fill the gap quickly with another person. When we realize that this is not the case, we can become frustrated and consequently increase our discomfort. It is important to feel good about ourselves before we start a new love relationship.

6. Take a course in emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is one of the most important paradigms of psychology in recent times, as scientific studies have shown that it brings many benefits, including improving people’s well-being. Emotional intelligence is composed of five elements: self-knowledge, emotional regulation, self-motivation, empathy and social ability . Some institutions give courses or workshops so that people can develop the emotional competencies to be happy.

Recommended article: “The 6 best courses of Emotional Intelligence and Personal Development”

7. Go to the psychologist

Sometimes it is advisable to see a psychologist because, especially in situations where there are certain conflicts (e.g. legal battles), overcoming a divorce is not easy. Psychologists who are experts in divorce therapy provide tools that will allow you to face this situation in a healthy way and thus recover your emotional balance, self-esteem and manage guilt, resentment and other negative emotions that do not allow you to overcome the divorce.

Where can I find psychologists who are experts in separation and divorce?

If you identify with the previous lines and feel that the divorce is overcoming you, there are different psychology and psychotherapy clinics in Spain specialized in couple’s therapy, which can help you to overcome this situation you are living.

Managing the crisis effectively, accepting this delicate situation and recovering emotionally is possible if you put yourself in good hands. These clinics offer psychological therapy and have large teams of professionals who are experts in couple and divorce therapy. The sessions with these professionals can provide you with positive resources and indispensable tools for this stage of transition in which you find yourself, which will allow you to recover your strength, self-confidence and well-being in these moments of change.