Seduction is a dance of unconscious movements that bring us closer to each other with the aim of seeing and recognizing each other, that aims to please while preserving one’s own need, always understanding that of the person in front of us.
It is a process in which two individuals approach and interact with a more or less explicit purpose of getting to have an intimate encounter. Weapons of seduction make flirting more effective and exciting.
A short film about seduction
With an amusing animated short entitled Divided Brain , the therapists of the Mensalus Institute for Psychological and Psychiatric Assistance talk to us about the weapons of seduction and self-confidence.
You can watch the short film below.
When do we try to seduce?
By nature we want to be liked, not only in the sexual field, but in all areas. Seduction goes much further. We constantly seduce.
Weapons of seduction are those communication skills at the verbal and non-verbal level that make it easier for us to express and receive feedback. This is what we would colloquially call “looking to leave a mark”.
From the most psychological viewpoint, how can we understand this “leaving a mark”?
We can understand it from the ability to connect with the person or persons we are addressing. For this, one of the main keys is the empathic look and listening, that is, the capacity to dedicate our time and energy in understanding what is happening in the moment we are located, without evading and being physically and mentally present.
Is seduction born or made?
Perhaps we could say neither. The process of seduction is the result of a combination: to be faithful to how one is “born” (one’s own essence) and to be attentive to everything that also, with time and experience, is done. The balance between personality traits, the most nuclear values and vital learning, offers an image of ourselves full of meaning (this is the presentation card for seduction).
This sense is transferred when we communicate. The harmony between the elements that define us gives and gives off security, a security that others see and respond to.
How can we work this security?
The phrase “to like you have to be sure of yourself” demands that “the pieces of the puzzle” fit together, that is, that what we show is in line with our thinking and our emotion.
From Psychology we work on the coherence between our system of beliefs, feelings and actions based on dynamics that show who that person is, what moves them and what objectives they want to achieve. Sometimes, the goals we pursue do not fit with our vital needs and that is where the discomfort that results from the incongruity appears.
Realizing those comfort zones in which we remain immersed because of “fear of” (fear of disappointment, fear of being wrong, fear of losing, fear of not liking, fear of being different, etc.) is the first step in reconnecting with core values (those that define how the person builds life) and drawing an action for change.
In this sense, social desirability (the desire to like and be accepted) can obscure individual need (“others expect me) Seduction seeks to please by preserving one’s own need and understanding that of the person in front of us.
So, is empathy essential to seduce?
That’s right. And this is a mistake that we often comment on, not only in terms of seduction in the sexual field, but also in the world of advertising, information, services, etc.
One of the successes of seduction is to understand what is happening around us by maintaining the position of the spectator (the objective gaze).
Likewise, enjoying the bond we create, of whatever kind, is another of the great ingredients we seek. It may sound like a cliché, but it’s a great truth. From the moment we stop understanding seduction as an act of pleasure and self-fulfillment, it will possibly be much more difficult for us to see and be seen.
What the psychology of attraction says
Attraction is a phenomenon intimately linked to seduction, but… what does science say about it? What results have been produced by research on attraction? Do we like them handsome or ugly? What do studies on body language tell us?
If you are interested in knowing some of the scientific conclusions about attraction, you can read this article: “The psychology of attraction, in 12 keys”.