In most cases, the health of the love bond in a couple’s relationship has a lot to do with the way they live their sexuality.

Except in the case of asexual people, sex life is linked to the way the vast majority of people express their affection for the person they are in a relationship with; it is not just a matter of pleasure or fun.

Therefore, when a couple that is going through bad times decides to go to couples therapy, one of the aspects of life that often reveals problems is sexuality . Let’s see how this connection is established between these two areas of intimate life.

The Link between Relationship and Sexuality

With the passage of time, what we understand by love has changed a lot, to the point that several centuries ago the affection that united two people involved in a couple was very little like today’s romantic love. However, the fact that the type of affective bond that predominates in couples today is conditioned by culture does not mean that it is meaningless, or that it is arbitrary.

In fact, there is a subject that has always gone hand in hand with the experience of love as a couple: sexuality. This set of behaviours and intimate interactions is one of the basic ways of expressing affection in actions , and possibly it has been so in an uninterrupted way since before the appearance of language.

It’s true that sexual behavior is not used just to express love, but whenever there is partner love (except in the exceptions we have seen of asexual people), there is sexuality. This does not mean that loving each other a lot means making love a lot, but it does mean finding a balance in the way we live sex together; a compatibility that is difficult to describe with words, because it has more to do with chemistry than with the rational or logical.

Thus, if a mismatch in sexuality arises in a couple’s relationship, it is possible that nothing significant will happen at first, but in the medium and long term problems will usually appear. Fears in these cases are common, as well as insecurity and even compensatory behaviour, which in turn brings more problems. A chain reaction thus appears that can be added to other difficulties the relationship is going through, making it easier for a couple’s crisis to start to manifest itself.

Similarly, relationship problems that are not in principle related to sex tend to “leak” into this area of the relationship as well, which often leads to a search for self-satisfaction or to boredom in the case of conflicts and arguments, for example, or passivity and fear of failure, if one assumes a dependent and submissive partner role, to give another example. In practice, it is almost impossible to totally dissociate sexual relations from the rest of things that happen in a couple’s relationship.

Couples therapy and sexuality

Having seen the above, it’s not surprising that many people go to the psychologist seeking couples therapy, when what they really need is a combination of couples therapy and sex therapy. After all, these are communicating vessels, for better or for worse, and when a problem appears in one of these areas, it also affects the other . Fortunately, this also means that the underlying problem can be addressed in both ways.

Let’s see how we work as teams of psychologists to help those who need professional support both in the way they relate to their sexuality and in the way they communicate, live together and express affection in other aspects of life.

What do you do in couples therapy?

Couples therapy is a form of psychological intervention done in a group of three (the therapy professional, and the members of the couple, who attend the sessions at the same time). In this process, a space of communication is created, emphasizing the need not to prejudge and to let each person express themselves in an honest way, to then look for common solutions, on the one hand, and to train new habits that reinforce the love bond.

Therefore, we psychologists help to adopt the theory of what it means to live well together and to love each other, but above all practice, proposing routines and tasks to be practiced between sessions that modify both the lifestyle and beliefs of each of the patients, acting both individually and as a couple in constant interaction.

What do you do in sex therapy?

Although sex therapy is independent of the previous one (it can be used in people who do not have a partner), many times these areas overlap, as we have seen. This is a service in which helps the person to improve the fullness of their sexual life , both in the company of someone and alone.

It is not only a matter of providing a solution to possible secondary dysfunctions; even someone without such disorders can benefit from the positive effects of sex therapy, which in most cases are reflected in self-confidence, acceptance of one’s own body and nudity, greater willingness to please both the other person and oneself, etc.

Where to start?

If you are interested in getting professional help in the area of couples or sexuality, make sure you have the assistance of clinics that offer both couples and sex therapy.

For example, our psychology centre in Barcelona, PsicoTools , offers both individual and couple therapy services, and our team also has an expert in sex therapy.

If you would like to know more or see our contact details, click here.