It is a fact that childhood seems to be a stage specially designed to build human beings with little attachment to social norms and the taking of responsibility.

It makes sense that this should be the case, since at this point in life it is more important to know what the world is like than to learn to fit into it perfectly, since you do not yet know it completely. However, this may mean that in many places in the world there are millions of adults dealing with young people who need rules to live by but who are also very reluctant to follow them.

How do you raise a complicated child?

This is, to some extent, inevitable: all children carry within them the rebellious spirit typical of someone who wants to explore everything that is not covered by adult explanations. However, this does not mean that there are not certain attitudes and strategies to make the education of the youngest children more bearable.

Here are 7 tips that can help you to improve the way you relate to disobedient children.

1. Set aside some time to communicate with them

No one likes to follow rules that don’t make sense. Therefore, the delimitation of what can and cannot be done must be accompanied by the explanation of why these rules are useful . Concrete examples can be given to illustrate more easily the dangers avoided by certain rules, for example, or the advantages of following certain steps in doing things.

2. Emphasize the positive

It is very useful to let children know how well they follow certain basic rules and to recognize their efforts when they apply them to comply with the rules. This not only helps to strengthen the bond with them, but also influences their self-image and will make them assume that they are good at following certain exercises of discipline. In this way, the possibility of breaking the rules will lose its appeal.

3. Show no discrepancies or inconsistencies

Rules are useful if they are well established. That is why it is advisable for adults not to question these rules in front of children , since the idea that no rule has to be appropriate could be generalized to all of them. Similarly, it is best not to make these behavioural guidelines remain unchanged if there are no good reasons to do so.

4. Do not always look for the origin of the problem in the child

Some rules are simply not appropriate . They may be very difficult to follow, not well justified or not well suited to the goal they are intended to achieve. The youngest in the house are curious and active by nature and usually find it difficult to follow the behaviour patterns given to them by adults: that is why it is important that these are appropriate.

5. Give up prizes as much as you can

The rules should not be supported by prizes , as these shape a type of extrinsic motivation . Ideally, children should see the fulfilment of these rules as something positive, either because it reinforces their self-esteem or because they find it stimulating to fulfil these mini goals.

6. Don’t respond to their tantrums more aggressively

Dealing with episodes where a child externalizes his or her anger should not cause the same kind of anger in us. In these situations, the actions of a caregiver or educator should be oriented towards the education of the other person , instead of taking advantage of that context to release tension (something that is of no use to the child). Therefore, the best thing to do is to try to calm him/her down, for example, by hugging his/her body, and wait for a while until the subject of rules and duties is addressed. In this way you will address these issues at a time when you are both receptive.

7. Accept that there are things about them that you cannot change

Education is in part about helping young people function well in the real world and understand the workings of the culture around them. However, this does not mean that in order to educate it is necessary to file all the edges of the children to the point that they fit perfectly into the archetype of the exemplary child. If you are the father or mother of these little ones, admitting that in each child there are aspects that cannot be controlled can make parenthood more bearable.

One more tip: learn the importance of fostering healthy self-esteem in your child

When the child has a balanced and positive self-concept about himself, he is able to face daily life in a much healthier way. For the child to enjoy this good self-esteem it is very important that parents keep in mind certain techniques and habits.

You can discover it by reading this post: “10 strategies to improve your child’s self-esteem”