The fear of being alone is a surprisingly common psychological phenomenon . Even in those people who apparently have many friends and are popular, this is a frequent cause for concern.
That’s why if you’ve ever considered the idea of “I’m afraid to be alone even though I have people who love me,” you should know that your case is not completely exceptional; many people feel very much the same way.
In this case we will see how to lose the fear of being alone and overcome this fear through new habits that we can introduce little by little into our daily lives.
What is the fear of being alone?
In short, the fear of being alone is based on a series of negative thoughts about what could be your future, which is characterized by isolation and a lack of emotional connection with people who are meaningful to you.
Thus, people who present this kind of fear become obsessed with the hypothesis that they are or could become totally helpless and without the ability to count on someone’s company, affection and understanding.
Signs that give away this form of fear
Some of the warning signs that a person suffers from the fear of being alone are the following.
1. Need to seek human contact and tempt fate
People who fear the possibility of being alone tend to try to be at as many social events as possible , even if they are not really interested in what is on offer beyond contact with other people.
The reason for this is that you try to meet new people, to see if anyone comes along with you (either in the couple’s or in the friends’ sphere).
Have a pragmatic view of relationships
Those who do not want to be alone, mainly seek to be with people at whose side they can spend many moments either by coincidence of interests or by the fact of having a similar personality. The idea is to go pragmatic and establish relationships that offer prospects of stability in the future , regardless of whether there is a genuine interest in that person beyond what he or she knows and likes to do.
3. The idea that family does not count
Many times, people who are afraid of being alone do not value having family members who love them and care about their well-being.
This is usually because they consider (mistakenly) that these relatives are by their side without having chosen it, simply because the ties of the family have induced them to love them practically unconditionally.
As if everyone is free to do what they want except fathers, mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers, uncles and aunts, who are obliged to love those who share their blood.
4. External validation search
From what we have seen, in most cases those who are afraid of being alone are afraid of being judged negatively by others, which in turn makes them often not express themselves as they are in front of others. The latter, in turn, makes her feel more isolated and with a greater need to establish meaningful relationships.
What do you do to get through it?
Follow these tips to fight the fear of being alone and not let it determine the way you relate to others.
1. Choose quality and not quantity
Instead of constantly attending events that tell you nothing, start going to those who have something genuine to offer. Stopping worrying about your number of interactions with relatively unknown people will make your social life much more fluid and spontaneous.
2. Stop judging and judging yourself
There are many stigmas that do a lot of damage to the quality of social relationships and keep us isolated from people who could be important in our lives, if we discovered them.
Therefore, don’t hesitate to make plans for those you really care about , even if those links outside the social circles in which you usually move might be worth criticism. The judgement of someone who doesn’t approve of you going with those you really care about should not be relevant to you.
In addition, to make this recommendation work, you should be the first person to stop judging others by any excuse, because that way you will grow up to the point that being criticized for certain things will seem ridiculous to you.
3. Demystifies rejection
Rejection is simply that, the lack of interest in having a certain kind of relationship with you . It doesn’t mean either that the other person hates you, or that they don’t care about you at all, or that there are reasons why their judgement about what you are is right or more relevant than that of other people who care about you very much.
4. Learn to love solitude
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with being alone, without people around. These moments can be taken advantage of in many ways, and we even have a greater capacity to choose what to do, since we do not depend on the intentions and preferences of another .
So, spend that time reading, meditating, exercising, or doing any of the hundreds of activities whose benefits will extend beyond that time and place and give you experience in something you like to progress.
In short, to overcome the fear of being alone, it is useful both to love solitude and to stop being obsessed with not remaining in solitude.
- Coplan, R. J., Bowker, J. C. (2013). A Handbook of Solitude: Psychological Perspectives on Social Isolation. Wiley Blackwell.
- Long, C. R. and Averill, J. R. (2003). Solitude: An Exploration of the Benefits of Being Alone. Journal for the Theory of Social Behaviour 33:1.