We guys are a little rough around the edges when it comes to flirting. We’re in a hurry to get to the finish line and we forget that they think and feel differently from us. Their self-concept and ours are different; we have to take that into account in order to communicate assertively and move forward in our relationship.

Attracting a girl: 8 (virtually) foolproof keys

We must learn to read context and non-verbal language to try to detect what points we should work on in our communication.

Fortunately, our culture is changing, and although gender roles are becoming more homogeneous, thanks to the sexual liberation of women . It is true that they still receive many social burdens that make them more vigilant about their self-concept . For example, many people still think that a girl who goes to bed with many boys is a slut and a man who has many girls is a winner.

Little by little these fallacies will be destroyed but, for the time being, we have to understand that the girls live a certain pressure when thinking about how they are perceived by their environment.

How do we kids think?

As we have already pointed out, we boys are impatient and, when we want sex, we become blinded and only see the girl and our goal. Our interests make us focus on moving forward without taking into account the environment and her thoughts; we often act in a unselective way when we have a craving for sex.

How do they think?

Girls take more factors into account when they think about it. They think about the social context , the person in front of them and how they are going to feel after sleeping with us. For social and biological reasons, which we will discuss on another day, sex , for them, is closely related to their self-concept .

What is self-concept?

Self-concept is the way a person perceives and feels about himself; it is closely linked to self-esteem, which is the way a person values himself.

Knowing what self-concept is and how the social environment influences the girls’ environment, we can optimize communication to make them feel comfortable.

We have to learn to read the social context , in the person in front of them and ensure the comfort and convenience of the interaction.

What do girls want to avoid?

The first point we should bear in mind is that, although it is obvious, girls are not an object or a trophy or anything that resembles them. It would be good for men to overcome certain macho beliefs that we have learned in our social development and start valuing and qualifying them for something more than their body or physical attractiveness.

In the 21st century, girls decide who they sleep with and we don’t have to think of strategies or tricks that will eventually lead to us being discovered as liars. Let’s learn to value people for what makes them unique and deferential to others and let’s learn to communicate what makes others special.

What are the girls looking for?

As a rule, girls want to feel special (just like us, go) and to know that the boy in front of them will know how to act accordingly and will not make them feel bad about themselves or their social environment. They want to feel that the person they will possibly sleep with is also a special person, of high value and that they deserve someone who deserves them. Every girl is different and in recent times more women are moving away from these cultural patterns that are, in a way, patriarchal. But the Jewish-Christian culture and morality is strongly rooted, and that means that certain patterns of sexual behaviour are socially demanded from girls.

How do you convince a girl? Flirting is not everything

We will now set out eight key points to enable us to communicate in a way that benefits interaction and creates real strong bonds of trust. Note that this is not about cheating. It consists of working on oneself to be able to offer the best of oneself, without falling into manipulation.

It’s not enough to look, you have to be. Becoming an assertive and high-value person will not only help you pick up girls; all aspects of your life will be positively affected if you follow these eight tips.

It goes without saying that everyone is different and I do not claim that these eight points are dogmas or unbreakable rules. They are just tools to create the synergy of positivity , friendship and attraction that can bring you unforgettable and genuine moments.

1. Cultivate yourself

It is essential to start with oneself. Cultivating our hobbies, friendships and professional career will be the way to develop an attractive and fulfilling life . Becoming educated, mature and lively people will make us be perceived as having a high social and individual value. Let’s think about what we like to do and what objectives we have in life to walk towards them.

2.Comfort and convenience

Learning to communicate to make others feel good will make people feel good about themselves. The trust is one of the most difficult things to generate in a relationship. It is important that we learn to develop social skills that will help others feel comfortable by our side; playing warmly, learning to listen and saying things nicely… will be a good way to start.

3. Be discreet

Many of us boys are guilty of bragging ; we like to brag about our conquests and we brag about the girls we have slept with. This makes the girls perceive us as indiscreet people and, consequently, they are afraid of sleeping with us. We must learn to be quiet and to know when and to whom to tell our intimacies. Having a trusted friend to whom we can tell these things will keep our love conquests from becoming vox populi.

4.Read the context

In case it is not clear, we repeat: nobody who is self-respecting wants to be socially judged as a person not very selective or easy . This means that, depending on the context, we must learn to communicate in one way or another. It is not the same to talk in intimacy as to be surrounded by friends and acquaintances at a dinner party. Knowing where and with whom we are will give us information about how to behave and what we can say or do and what we can’t. So that nobody feels attacked by their self-concept and avoid social judgment.

5.Insinuate yourself properly

This point is closely linked to the previous one. The context will give us signs of how and when we have to suggest that we like them or want to sleep with them or give them a kiss. Saying things in a subtle way so that our message goes unnoticed by others will be very helpful so that she doesn’t feel pressured and feels comfortable.

6.Read between the lines

That we have to learn to communicate with discretion is because they, in part, do so as well. Understanding why they say what they say and detecting the reason why they say it, is fundamental for us to know how to communicate with them and master flirting techniques. Girls rarely communicate directly; we have to learn how to translate their indirect messages so that we don’t look like a bunch of “doughnuts”.

7.Alone, much better

Reading the context and communicating in an appropriate and subtle way are tools for communicating in a more intimate and direct way . Away from social pressure, we will feel more comfortable and be able to express ourselves more freely to ourselves and to others.

8.Have a why

Sex doesn’t have to be a reason in itself. Our sexual interest has to be based on attributes more refined than a nice body or because we simply feel like it. We cannot force anyone to want sex with us. But we can improve our message so that we are not perceived as someone who only wants sex. After all, if a girl doesn’t want to have sex with us, she won’t, no matter how many strategies we use. But if we learn to say things and have reasons, at least we will get rid of people who only see them as a sex object .

In summary

Little by little, society is overcoming and getting rid of the macho ballasts but, in the meantime, knowing the self-concept of the other person , learning to observe them and to value them for their values, will facilitate our communication. Developing the noble art of discretion and learning how and when to communicate why we like the person who attracts us, will be very useful to watch over his comfort and he will be able to choose more freely, far from the judgment of others.