Love relationships can have good moments, but they can also have bad ones. In many cases, the conflicts that arise can be solved with efficient communication or by going to couples therapy, which brings many benefits as you can read in our article “How to know when to go to couples therapy? 5 good reasons”.

But some couples live in a toxic relationship that can cause psychological problems. In cases like these, and in which we are aware that it is better for each member of the couple to follow their own separate path, the FOBU (fear of breaking up) or fear of breaking up with the partner may appear .

How the fear of breaking up with a partner manifests itself

Leaving a relationship is not easy, because memories can flood our minds again and again and obsession can condition us for a while. As we explained in our article “The chemistry of love: a very powerful drug”, leaving a relationship is a grieving process, in which we leave a loved one behind and that, moreover, is not a linear process, but rather there are ups and downs.

The fear of breaking up the couple can manifest itself in different ways, including

  • You think your life has no future but you are unable to say goodbye
  • You think your partner is the only person you can be with even though you know he doesn’t make you happy.
  • There are constant conflicts and frequent fights.
  • You think the relationship should end but you’re incapable of doing it.
  • You feel a great resentment towards your partner even though you are still with him or her.
  • You’re an emotionally dependent person.

Why we are afraid to break up with our partner

The process of falling out of love is slow, and many times it is difficult to take the step of leaving your partner even knowing that the relationship is not on the right track. Low self-esteem can lead an individual to remain in that relationship despite being in pain, not being able to take the necessary step to be able to change.

But, why are we afraid to break up with our partner? There are different types of fear that make us stay in a relationship when in fact it is better to separate.

1. Fear of uncertainty

One of the most common fears that we human beings can experience is the fear of uncertainty, which often appears when we have to make important decisions or change something in our lives. Not knowing what the future holds for us can create some anxiety and fear, so many people decide to stay in a relationship instead of doing what they really want, which is to leave their partner.

  • To overcome the fear of uncertainty, you can read our article: “Fear of uncertainty: 8 keys to overcome it”

2. Fear of leaving the comfort zone

A fear that is very related is the fear of leaving the comfort zone , that is, of leaving that mental place where we feel stable and safe. This fits in with the phrase “better bad known than good to know”. Staying in the comfort zone does not allow us to grow as people, and this includes getting out of a toxic relationship when necessary.

3. Fear of what others will say about us

There is often social imposition or a shared belief that to be happy we must have a partner and, as a result, get married. However, it is possible to be happy as a single person. In our article “Is it possible to be single and happy? The 8 benefits of being single” we explain.

Some people are very anxious about what others will think of them when they find out that they don’t have a partner. This is harmful to their well-being and can lead them to make bad decisions.

4. Fear of failure

Another of the most common fears of human beings is the fear of failure. It is characterized by anticipating defeat or the consequences of defeat . Feeling that we have failed is a mental trap, because, in reality, failure can be a great opportunity for growth. The fear of failure can cause us to remain in a toxic relationship to avoid feeling like losers.

5. Fear of suffering

Nobody likes to suffer, and the lack of love is characterized by great suffering . However, such suffering allows us to learn and grow, and leaving someone, in addition to the pain, can bring excellent opportunities to live a full life in the future. The fear of suffering is experienced by all of us, especially in this very complicated situation.

6. Fear of being replaced

Rejection is one of the most difficult situations to live with, because it can hurt us and make our self-esteem suffer . However, it is something that can happen in life and we must accept it. Just as we will find a new partner, so will our ex-partner.

7. Fear of making a mistake

The fear of being wrong is that fear that arises from repentance, that is, from regretting having made a decision . This fear is disabling, so we must accept it as part of life. One cannot regret having done something, but rather not having done it.

8. Fear of being single

In our article “Anuptophobia: the irrational fear of being single” we talk about this irrational fear that conditions the life of many people, and that makes them go from couple to couple without allowing them to live a period of self-reflection . The fear of being single can cause us not to be able to cut off a relationship that only brings with it pain. Overcoming the fear of being single is necessary to recover well-being.