Friendship is one of the most important elements in most people’s lives, but at the same time it is something very difficult to quantify.

This is so, among other things, because as it happens in relationships, friendship is not something that one can possess oneself, but a dynamic of relationships that involves more than one person . And this is what often makes it not very clear whether the degree of intensity that we attribute to that relationship is close to the way in which the other person perceives this affective bond.

When friendship is merely an imposture…

But, as human beings are animals and intelligent, we are surely very good at assessing whether our friends consider us friends… aren’t we?

Well, a recent study published in PLOS ONE suggests that about half of our friendships may be unrequited . In other words, in one case out of two the person we think is our friend does not see us as a relevant friend, which could make them considered false friends or simply people whose courtesy is taken for a real attachment.

How was the research conducted?

A sample group of 84 people ranging in age from 23 to 38 years was used to conduct this research. The purpose of the study was to see to what extent the relational dynamics of a community of people affect the persuasion of its members, the creation of currents of opinion, etc. However, one of the things that attracted most attention was related to another issue.

In order to have data to work with, the researchers asked them to score from 1 to 5 the degree to which they considered other people to be friends, with 1 being the option “is a stranger” and 5 “best friend”. In addition, each individual had to score, also on a 5-point scale, the degree in which he or she believed that the other person considered him or her a friend .

The results

In general, the vast majority of the participants were optimistic in their assessment of how reciprocal their friendship was . In 94% of the cases, people used the same number to quantify the degree of friendship they felt and the degree to which they believed the other person corresponded to them. That is, there was a clear tendency to believe that relationships were symmetrical and two-way.

Judging by the data obtained, this optimism was based more on an illusion. On 47% of the occasions, the scores obtained were not the same .

False friends? What are their dark motives?

There are many ways to interpret these results . One of them is to simply believe that the conclusions reached through this research do not correspond to reality. In the end, this is only a study, and it is possible that errors were made in the sampling, design or analysis of the data. Moreover, it is true that this may only be the case for certain cultures or populations, and not for everyone on the planet. This would require further research.

Another way to take it is to believe that the results of this study are a reflection of what is really going on in our relationships. It could be that we humans are exceptionally bad at distinguishing between real friends (who correspond to us) and others who only act in a similar way as a friend would.

But there is also another possible explanation: that these conclusions show the consequences of having many non-antagonistic personal relationships. In other words, at a time when it is common to have 400 contacts on Facebook, many of whom congratulate us on our birthdays without hardly knowing us, it is increasingly difficult to know who is nice in a totally spontaneous way and who only acts this way out of courtesy.

Ultimately, in a culture where image matters more and more, posture and appearances can also become involved in what was once our network of relationships based on honesty and affection.