How can anyone like me? Gary Chapman gives us 5 techniques

How can anyone like me? Gary Chapman gives us 5 techniques

When we are getting to know someone, trying to convince a person to buy a product or service from us, starting a relationship or any other type of interaction in which we hope to get a positive response from the recipient(s), normally the first thing we try to do is to please the other person in order to fulfil our mission.

We each have our own tactics for making this happen, although not all of us are particularly good at it. So… how do we get someone to like us so they’ll think well of us? In this article we will look at 5 techniques that could help you make that positive connection with people.

The 5 languages to please someone

Gary Chapman proposed a theory based on 5 languages so that we can please others. Chapman considered this proposal as a set of key tools to have a positive relational influence with others.

Each person can have all five developed, but in different dimensions; depending on one’s dominant language, it will change the way one can more easily become liked. It is important, in order to fulfill the objective of pleasing, that we know the language of appreciation of others, to “speak” to them in their language, not in ours.

1. Words of affirmation

They are simple positive words or phrases that make the other person feel that they are doing things right or that they are on the right track. Give praise.

2. Quality time

Paying attention to someone, no distractions. Doing what the other person likes, without necessarily loving the activity. Spending time together and sharing experiences .

3. Give details

Giving tangible gifts. They are symbols of appreciation, recognition and acceptance; they create an atmosphere suitable for the exchange of emotions and ideas.

4. Acts of service

Here he applies the phrase “fewer words, more actions”. For people with this language as their dominant, the words are completely empty, so a good speech will be difficult to make them like you. These are small acts like opening the door, helping to carry things, taking a coffee to the office, cooking for someone else, etc.

5. Physical contact

It’s a very powerful form of communication. The peculiarity of this language is that we must know exactly at which moments to use it and at which not to use it . Using it correctly, it is an excellent means of expression.

In love

These languages can also be applied in the love sphere , because in a couple, each individual has different ways of expressing love and different ways of liking others to show them theirs. So it is important that both of them recognize their primary language, so that many misunderstandings and resentments can be avoided during the relationship.

The key to being able to use these languages to please someone is to be empathetic and receptive in order to identify which is the predominant language in each person , so that we know the best way to approach them and get a positive response. In addition to expressing appreciation, we will also receive a reward, strengthening our skills to use any of the 5 in an efficient way.

Making a special connection

In the therapeutic field, these languages are very useful to create rapport with patients. But it is important to know the language they use the most in order to use it and have favourable results . To give an example of each one, as regards words of affirmation one can use phrases such as “You are doing very well”, “you have had many advances”, “it is good that you decided to come”, “you are very brave / very persistent”. Phrases that motivate you to keep going.

Quality time is simply active listening , showing interest in what you are saying and not being distracted by other things. Giving details may be giving her cookies, sweets or a snack during the sessions or a small gift on her birthday. Acts of service can be small actions such as opening the door when he arrives, passing him tissues in case he needs them.

And finally, physical contact is a little more restricted in a therapy, but a pat on the patient’s thighs or back can be used if appropriate. Similarly, each psychologist has a different relationship with each patient and knows what the limits are in terms of physical contact.

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