First of all: Happy New Year!
The new year is a special time to set goals and objectives, but you know what happens with all of this: they are usually not (or almost never) met.
Setting goals or trying to achieve new objectives in your life implies a process of change . If not, why didn’t you get it sooner? A process of change implies a psychological and emotional transformation beyond the desire we have to achieve those changes.
Having a purpose or wanting to achieve a personal development goal (in relation to your wellbeing, your sentimental or affective relationships, your work, your projects, self-knowledge, self-esteem, emotions, etc.) is the engine of change in your life, since it implies a journey from the way you live now to a life where you want and deserve to be. It is the starting point for living a deep change, a real transformation in your life.
The Emotional January Slope
Why don’t we usually get the New Year’s resolutions or goals? As much as we may be looking forward to change, it does not come by itself. We don’t achieve them because we don’t know how to set the right goals; we do it in a moment of illusion, but then the “emotional January slope” arrives (we move away from the purpose because we think it is too difficult, complex, or that things “will always be like this”), and above all, because we don’t ask ourselves the right questions.
In the last 10 years I have accompanied as a psychologist and coach people from up to 8 different countries in their processes of change, and I have observed that in all those cases there are 3 essential questions that you must ask yourself to achieve changes in your life (and that almost nobody asks you). Now you will be able to answer those 3 questions.
The 3 essential questions (that nobody asks you)
For about 10 or 15 years it has become very popular to set out objectives and purposes, but we do not set them out correctly, realistically or in depth, nor do marketing experts really know how to formulate them in relation to your personal development, since what is really an objective or purpose? It’s just an approach that helps you change your life, a desire. An objective should not be something material, but a situation that implies that your life has changed .
You know the usual questions to ask yourself when you set a purpose or goal: What do you want to achieve? (this is the goal or purpose), what are you going to do differently (a series of totally different actions in your life that bring you closer to that purpose, and not 10 or 2, but 3 or 4, more is too much and scattered and less is too little), how are you going to do it, where, when, with whom?
These questions can help you to achieve objectives in relation to small health or work achievements, but they do not imply a real transformation in your life and in many occasions, the fact that you do not live a personal change prevents you from achieving them. There are 3 essential questions that we don’t ask ourselves, and they are these
What do I really want to achieve this goal or purpose for?
This question helps you to know yourself better, to go deeper into yourself , and also to discover if your purpose is really yours or if it is influenced by your fears or by society. What do you really want to achieve? What for? To what extent would it transform your life? To what extent does this desire come from your fear or does it imply a real change?
You currently have a point of view about you and your life, and from that point of view you set out your purpose. However, a process of change implies that even your point of view changes, your values and your way of seeing life change.
To what extent does that purpose depend entirely on me?
Many of our greatest frustrations are related to goals or purposes where others are included . This is precisely one of the greatest lessons of our life: we cannot control others or the world, and they are not responsible for our well-being, our past or situation. You must focus on a purpose that is change, and that change is really up to you to work on.
What part of me has to change to achieve this goal or purpose?
Here comes the key. If you have so much desire or illusion for that purpose, why haven’t you succeeded so far? Because something in you has to change (your management of emotions, your confidence, your communication, your relationships, your decision making, etc.). Therefore, that purpose is exactly what should lead you to that personal change .
If you want me to help you discover your great purpose and be able to live your personal (or professional) change process, I make you a special proposal: I invite you to schedule a free first exploratory session at empoderamientohumano.com or on this page and we take the step to get to know each other, discover what change you need and how I can accompany you. May this year be the definitive year of your change and transformation.