The word “criticism” comes from the Greek “kritikos” which means “capable of discernment”. Likewise, the word “criticize” comes from the verb “krinein” which means “to separate”, “to decide” or “to judge”. Today we can use these words to speak of the action of judging or of evaluating a situation in depth; but they also serve to refer to an attitude (criticism), and even to a decisive moment (critical moments). In this sense, making a criticism is not always an offensive action towards the situation being evaluated; it can have the opposite effect: it favours our capacity to discern or decide.

In any case, when a criticism is made to judge or evaluate a behavior or personal decision, it can generate a lot of discomfort. Among other things, it can produce the feeling of anguish or sadness and sometimes anger. In this article we will explain some strategies that can be useful to face criticism in a way that facilitates both social interaction and emotional stability.

5 strategies for dealing with criticism

When we find ourselves in a situation where we hear something that we don’t like, because it has to do directly with ourselves, it is common for us to react from the emotional filter and omit the rational part, which often gives us the feeling of not knowing what to do.

However, even without knowing what to do, we act. And the way we do it can also generate discomfort or confusion in other people. It can even happen that our reactions to criticism become an obstacle to the development of interpersonal relationships , or even to personal development. For all these reasons, it is not superfluous to ask ourselves how we are facing criticism and how we could do it properly.

1. Assessing the situation

Criticism, as it is made up of a series of social judgments, can easily generate guilt. It is important that, before we move on to this moment, we try to put the criticisms into context. This means that we can reflect on how others’ perceptions and explanations of success or failure of a performance may be affected by different labels or social values assigned to our own person. In this way we can generate tools to establish a dialogue with the interlocutor (with whom the criticism is made), before we are paralyzed, either by anger or by anguish.

In short, not all of us react in the same way to criticism. Many elements are involved in these reactions, ranging from our self-concept to the possibilities and values that have been assigned to us (and through which we have socialized); they may be different between women and men or between children and adults or between people from one culture or another. Putting criticism in context and assessing the situation in which it is generated , also has to do with reflecting on the moment, the place, and the specific person from whom the criticism comes. Such reflection helps us to know which comments or situations we should “take personally”, and which not.

2. Strengthening assertiveness, beyond criticism

On the other hand, once we have detected that our reaction to criticism generates emotional problems, it is time to ask ourselves if our coping is directly affecting our social skills. If the answer is yes, one thing we can work on is assertiveness, understood as a skill that allows us to establish communication in a respectful and firm way.

Being a skill, and not a personality trait that some people have and others do not, assertiveness is something we can work on and develop . It is about communicating our needs and interests clearly, but at the same time recognizing the needs and interests of the interlocutor (i.e. maintaining empathy).

It also consists of discerning between those moments when it is better to remain prudent and more passive; and those moments when it is necessary for us to remain active and firm with our decisions. Strengthening assertiveness is a skill that helps us communicate on a daily basis, and can go far beyond improving the way we deal with criticism.

3. Checking and working on self-esteem

Self-esteem is the assessment we make of our self-concept. That is, it is the set of values (positive or negative) that we associate with the image we have made of ourselves. From the most scientific psychology to the most everyday one, attention has been paid to how a low or high self-esteem is reflected in an important way in social skills ; that is, that it becomes visible in effective and satisfactory relationships.

The assessment we make of our self-concept impacts on the under- or over-evaluation of our own possibilities and the recognition of our limits. Thus, depending on how we perceive ourselves, we may have some problems in facing criticism (precisely because of the difficulty of recognizing both limits and capacities). This may generate intolerance or rigidity with respect to the judgment that we make about others ; and it may generate the same thing about the judgment that others make about us.

4. Reflexivity and self-knowledge

Reflexivity, or the quality of being reflective, refers to the ability to evaluate something carefully, before carrying it out. Or, once it has been carried out, so that the results of that reflection can be used on later occasions. Working with this skill can be useful to face criticism as it allows us to analyze how other people’s criticism affects us in our daily life, and what our own actions may be affected to other people. In this sense, reflexivity is related to introspection and to developing realistic thinking about situations .

Ultimately all of the above involves working on self-acceptance and self-knowledge, which means assuming our thoughts, feelings or behaviors, and also our real limits and possibilities; as part of ourselves and our context of possibilities. Without expecting unconditional approval, both from others and from ourselves. The latter allows us to work on what we do not like about ourselves , and at the same time, not to weaken ourselves too much in the face of other people’s criticism

5. Sharing the experience

It is normal for criticism to cause us some discomfort, and it is also normal for us not to know how to react at all times.

In view of this, another strategy that can be effective in adequately dealing with criticism is to share this discomfort and uncertainty. We will surely meet someone who has felt the same way, and even if he is not an expert in psychology, we can reach interesting conclusions about how we have felt when faced with the reactions of others , and also about how others have felt when faced with our reactions.