Many times we forget that, when it comes to developing a healthy way of relating to our emotional side, it is not enough to know how to control oneself or identify which feelings are predominant at any given moment. Also it is very important to know how to express the feelings .

In this article we will see several keys to communicate to others the reality about how we feel, especially in relation to those states of mind whose nature goes beyond words.

How do we express our feelings in personal relationships?

Much of what keeps us together with others is our ability to connect emotionally with others. It is difficult to keep a relationship, whether it is a family one, a couple one, or a friendship one, strong with someone you don’t know anything about in terms of how they feel, in what range of colors they usually see reality, and in what way they do it.

However, knowing how to express one’s feelings is a challenge. First of all, we have to deal with a series of cultural barriers that have led to the disregard of certain kinds of affective manifestations, and which have been especially biased towards men and people with a non-normative sexual orientation, but which in the end have affected everyone. For centuries, letting emotions colour the most important aspects of our way of life was considered a sign of weakness, or directly something inappropriate and a reason for censure.

But another component that makes it difficult for us to express feelings is something that goes beyond our cultural contexts: feelings are, in themselves, something that does not necessarily fit with the usual ways of expressing oneself through language.

To help you progress in your mission to connect more and better with others, here are some tips on how to express your feelings both in words and using other communicative resources , whether you apply them to your partner in the context of love, or to friends and family.

1. Always adapt your way of expressing yourself

It is essential, first of all, to discard the idea that we can always express our feelings in the same way, as if we had a way of expressing them that was so personal that we could not adapt it. This is not so: if the person in front of us is not capable of understanding what we want to say to him, we will not have expressed anything.

So, if you really want to show a part of yourself that you consider relatively intimate and that has to do with how you feel, you should think about the perspective from which the other person is starting . For example: how would you interpret a physical approach on our part? Is it likely that you understand a concept that we will use to make a metaphor? Do you know first of all that we are confident enough with her to express that, or will she think it is a joke?

Knowing how to ask the right questions to adapt our communicative style is an art, and this usually requires practice and an honest intention to express oneself, and not simply to give a certain image because it responds to our interests.

2. Learn assertiveness

Expressing feelings is also an act of courage . Therefore, you should avoid making an excuse of shame, and this is achieved by, among other things, working on your assertiveness, the ability to assert your own feelings and your own values.

3. Make your social circle healthy

To begin to have an easier time expressing feelings, it is also important not to surround yourself with people who react negatively when you do. Therefore, it is good to find open and receptive people who do not see the emotional side of things as a reason to criticize or make fun of them .

4. Take advantage of non-verbal language

When it comes to expressing feelings, non-verbal language is essential. Be careful not to overlook it and ignore or even suppress it, as too neutral an expression when communicating feelings can completely turn around what we want to say. In particular, it is important that you pay attention to the voice you use and its musicality, as well as how you manage the distances with the other person, and what you do with your arms and your gaze : the latter must be directed to the eyes of the other person.

5. Write what you feel

This is a very good way to know what you feel first , something necessary to be able to express it. It can also be used to try out linguistic ways of communicating, although, as we have seen, these will not be perfect or sufficient in themselves to truly express what we feel.

6. Find suitable places

Context is almost as important as what is said. Just as using one or another non-verbal language style can make the same words mean different things , so does the context in which we are saying them. Therefore, make sure that there is consistency between the content of what you are going to communicate and the place where you do it, so that there are no misunderstandings that need to be clarified.