Fear of marriage is a more common phenomenon than it seems , and its harmful effects on the quality of life of those who suffer it can be felt for years.

In this article we will see several tips on how to deal with the fear of marriage and not let it add a dose of angst to your life.

Fear of marriage: what to do?

Both worries and pre-marriage nerves are very common, but they are still phenomena that have more to do with the ritual itself and the celebration of that special moment. However, beyond these episodes of slight discomfort , there are those who fear not the day of the marriage itself, but the married life, the phase of life that begins from that moment.

However, before tackling the problem of the anguish experienced when experiencing the fear of marriage, it must be clear that this phenomenon does not have to be something that appears in isolation in each individual: social influence counts, and a lot .

To some extent, fear of marriage can be based on social pressure. It is not lost on anyone that even today there is a strong “inertia” that leads us to assume that marriage is part of a normally developed life, so that people of a certain age who do not establish this bond are strange cases, sometimes even a reason for contempt or derision.

Thus, the fear of marriage can be the result of the discomfort of feeling “predestined” to walk down the aisle even though there is no real will to marry or to lead a life as a couple. Therefore, before considering whether fear of marriage is in itself the problem, it is necessary to pay attention to the context in which we live , to know if what makes us feel bad has to do with the expectations that the rest of people have placed on us.

Having said that, and assuming that it is a really personal fear and not based on the pressures of our social circle, we can now move on to advice.

1. If you don’t have a partner…

There are people who experience fear of marriage even though they don’t have a partner. In these cases, it is usually the influence of others that makes us assume that the day will come when we will have to commit. What happens is that this influence does not have to be very evident, and can even come not through specific people (friends, family, neighbors …) but through the influence of the culture in which we live immersed .

Keep in mind that if you don’t have a partner, there’s no point in being afraid of marriage. In practice, we must adapt as much as possible to those situations that we are really living, and not to those that are imaginary or hypothetical. Whatever your circumstances, fear of marriage will only give you an extra concern that simply shouldn’t be there.

2. Don’t assume it will go wrong again

There are many emotions at play in the realm of love, and that makes it relatively easy to go through psychologically painful experiences. As a result, some people develop a fear of emotional commitment, and the fear of marriage is the clearest example of this type of bond in which two people are committed to watching over each other.

In these cases, it is good to modify those beliefs, since they create discomfort, on the one hand, and do not make us more realistic, on the other. The latter is so because the love history of any person is never so extensive as to have a representative sample that allows us to know “the people” well in general. Each person is a world, and while it is true that there are psychological regularities, these cannot be known simply by having had a dozen or so partners before.

3. Examine your material conditions

Circumstances may have brought the idea of the wedding closer and you may not feel in a position to move on to that kind of life . But part of that concern may come from the fact that the lack of preparation is not psychological, but material.

If you lack the financial stability to embark on married life safely, you must first address those issues that have to do with your living conditions, of course in constant dialogue with your partner.

4. Analyze if it is a big qualitative jump

Although getting married is something with a symbolic and legal importance, it should not make a big difference in defining the type of emotional behaviour that binds you to your partner. Ideally, you should get married when you already experience a degree of intimacy and commitment similar to that of married people. Otherwise, the fear of something going wrong can cause you to experience stress simply because of uncertainty.

5. Embraces new forms of commitment

Finally, one should consider the possibility that, if you experience fear of marriage, this is because you are not sufficiently prepared to live as a couple on an ongoing basis . In this case, take seriously the task of learning those habits that life together requires.