We can all come to feel that no one is capable of understanding us , that no matter how much we express our feelings we remain misunderstood. This brings with it, as a side effect, a constant feeling of loneliness. In addition, in the case of women, loneliness takes on certain forms more frequently; traditional gender roles can lead to certain forms of isolation.

Thus, it is common to hear the typical phrase “I feel lonely” , even though this girl may be surrounded by people. The feeling of loneliness is irrational and does not respond to the facts as they are happening, but is rather a feeling of a subjective nature. In this article we will see how to manage these situations.

Why does this feeling of loneliness appear?

It is necessary to know how to properly manage this situation in order to get rid of the feeling of loneliness without it bringing major problems, which may not be easy at first. Once we have learned to identify the causes, we are equipped to deal with the situation.

Some people for example may feel lonely after their social expectations are not met properly , which leads them to think in an irrational way that the same thing will always happen and that it is useless to express their emotions. This is when the feeling of loneliness arises and with it the classic thought of “I feel lonely”.

After making an effort to meet the demands of others, we generally always expect something in return. We expect the other person to make an equal effort to meet our demands or requirements. When this does not happen we feel frustrated and lonely, we feel that we have given too much and have not been paid for it.

In the case of women this situation may be capable of doing more harm. This is because the female gender tends to be more empathetic than its male counterpart, which is why the phrase “I feel lonely” is so common, women give empathy but also demand it.

More common causes of this feeling

Other possible reasons why loneliness may appear are the following.

1. Social pressure to be dedicated to the family

Many times when women reach an age between 30 and 40 they enter a period of reflection that makes them question whether the decisions they have made during their lives have been the best. The idea that they will no longer meet interesting people because of social pressure to focus on the goal of starting a family can be very harmful.

2. Personal stagnation

The concern that they have not achieved their personal projects is also a factor that leads women to feel lonely. Usually not having children after the age of 30 or a stable partner are social stigmas that affect the tranquility of many women and in many cases there is a desperate desire to meet someone special just for this reason.

3. Surface relations

When our friendship relationships are not meaningful, and instead are based more on the superficial, the feeling of loneliness will soon come. We always need to express our feelings and listen to what our true friends have to say.

4. Mourning process

The loss of a loved one can trigger feelings of loneliness, regardless of whether it is due to death or because the person has moved to another country. Feeling the absence of that important person will imminently bring about the feeling that we have been left alone.

5. Too much work

If most of your life revolves around work (paid or unpaid), there is no free time left and it is difficult to build quality relationships with other people. Bearing in mind that many women have to devote their efforts both to developing a professional career and to doing most of the domestic work, this is a problem.

I feel lonely: what can I do to fix it?

The first thing is to recognize the emotion, accept the fact that you feel alone and avoid falling into denial . Then, identify the possible causes of your feeling of loneliness. Ask yourself: why do I feel lonely?

Now you must act; once the emotion has been recognized and the reasons identified, the ideal is to take action to change our current situation. Some things you can do to keep the feeling of loneliness present in this way are the following activities.

1. Keep a diary

It may seem like a childish resource to you, but it is very effective on a therapeutic level. When you put your feelings and emotions on paper you do it in a more intimate way , you get in touch with yourself and it becomes easy to recognize things that may be affecting you on an unconscious level.

2. Avoid self-pity

Don’t feed your feeling of loneliness with complaints towards yourself or others, face your situation head on, consider that your happiness and emotional peace depend only on what you think and do. You will never be alone if you never abandon yourself; you are your source of inspiration to reach the goals you set for yourself.

3. Do meditation

Meditating 15 minutes a day for 8 weeks can reduce the negative thoughts associated with loneliness. Learning to meditate is not difficult, you don’t need to read any complicated books or sign up for courses. Just make yourself comfortable, close your eyes and focus on your breathing. Don’t think about whether you are doing it right or wrong, just relax in the process.

4. Practice exercise

Exercise has a lot of benefits for our overall health, and contributes greatly to keeping us happy because when we train our brain secretes dopamine (the happiness hormone), and keeps us in touch with other people. Adopting a happier attitude also makes it easier to socialize.

5. Meet new people online

The Internet is a very good tool to meet people with common interests. There are forums and group pages dedicated to hobbies, fields of study that arouse personal interest, etc.

Bibliographic references:

  • Larson, R.; Csikszentmihalyi, M.; Graef, R. (1982). “Time alone in daily experience: Loneliness or renewal?”. In Peplau, Letitia Anne; Perlman, Daniel. Loneliness: A sourcebook of current theory, research and therapy. New York: John Wiley and Sons. pp. 41-53.
  • McPherson, M.; Smith-Lovin, L.; Brashears, M. E. (2006). “Social Isolation in America: Changes in Core Discussion Networks over Two Decades”. American Sociological Review. 71 (3): 353–75.