Being in love is, without a doubt, a unique experience that can make us feel complete.
But relationships are complex , and although we can start a relationship when we are fully in love, over time problems and conflicts can arise. If we don’t manage them well, we can feel a great dissatisfaction, a tremendous frustration and a great pain because our romance doesn’t go as we wished.
Love relationships need to be worked on
Loving relationships do not cease to be interpersonal relationships , in which each member of the couple has his/her needs, desires, expectations, beliefs, values… To believe that people fit in by magic is a mistake. In fact, it is a very common mistake, since novels or television encourage a mistaken idea of what romantic love is.
To succeed in a couple’s relationship it is important to work on it, to have common objectives, to negotiate and reach agreements, to communicate effectively, to love from freedom , to trust the other and, of course, to respect our lover. Although we are often not aware of it, dissatisfaction in the couple is manifested by poor communication, emotional deficiencies and irrational beliefs.
When this happens is when you think you are no longer happy with your partner, and your way of being and your attitudes begin to change, perhaps even without realizing it.
How to detect that you are unhappy as a couple
Knowing when one is unhappy as a couple is relatively easy, because dissatisfaction appears and, therefore, so does unhappiness . What is not so simple is to detect the reasons why one is not happy as a couple, and often requires a deep and objective self-reflection.
The first step to change is to be aware of what needs to be changed, because knowing the behaviors that are affecting the smooth running of the relationship is very important. But… how can we know what is wrong? A good strategy is to answer the following questions.
1. Are there any grudges? Why?
Love is a very intense feeling, and in some situations causes excessive reactions . This happens because the emotional pain we feel when things go wrong in our love relationship is very deep and pervasive. Disputes with our partner hurt more than conflicts with other people in our environment and provoke a passionate reaction in us.
If you detect that there are grudges towards your partner, you should try to find solutions as soon as possible to avoid entering a vicious circle that makes the problem bigger and bigger .
2. Do you negotiate in conflicts?
One of the most frequent causes of couple’s conflicts is bad communication, so it is necessary to be assertive especially in the most difficult moments.
Each member of the couple has their own way of seeing the world, and reaching agreements is not always easy. In a love relationship we should not impose our opinions, and it is necessary to make use of dialogue. Knowing how to negotiate and reach agreements is of vital importance if we want the relationship to last.
3. Do you agree on the important things?
It is impossible for you to always agree on all the decisions you have to make, just as it is impossible for you to always share the same views. But for a relationship to last it is essential that you reach agreements and agree on the important aspects . For example, common goals or fundamental values.
Although each individual has his or her own scale of values, in order for the relationship to be strengthened, it is necessary to build a common scale of values. It is important that you row together to move the boat forward.
4. Does he support you in difficult times?
No one is perfect, and as I said, conflicts in a couple can arise at any time.
But when you’re going through difficult times, like losing your job or losing a loved one, it’s always better to stay together than to pull yourself together. If your partner gives up fighting to support you, it is a sign that he or she is committed to the relationship and to you .
5. Do intimate relationships work?
One of the factors that most influence the well-being of the couple is the intimate relationships, which play a very important role in the unity and stability of the couple.
Although scientific studies suggest that quantity is not as important as quality, the lack of sexual contact , either because of monotony or other sexual problems, can cause serious difficulties for the good progress of the couple. In these cases, it is necessary to go to sex therapy.
6. Are you thinking of cheating on your partner?
Fidelity is one of the fundamental values for building a stable love relationship and marriage; however, infidelity is very common today. Overcoming it is not easy, because it is considered a betrayal and disloyalty .
Monotony or communication problems can often be the root of infidelity. And although we sometimes think that when this happens only one member of the couple suffers, infidelity often causes pain to both parties.
Going to couples therapy: a solution to improve the well-being of the relationship
When a couple goes through one of the above problems and is able to detect it, if they do their part they may be able to remedy it and find again the way to happiness with the person they love. Nevertheless, many times it is inevitable to have the help of a professional expert in this subject, that is to say, a couple’s psychotherapist.
Unlike other forms of psychotherapy, it is not necessary to have received a diagnosis of mental disorder in order to have recourse to it, as couples’ psychologists do not focus solely on the individual to help him or her find solutions, but on the relationship and the reasons that make it difficult.
Mensalus Institute: Are you looking for help to regain happiness in your love relationship or to overcome a break-up?
Whether you want to regain happiness in your relationship or want to overcome a break-up, Instituto Mensalus in Barcelona can help you. This clinic is considered one of the best psychotherapy centres in Spain, and not only offers couples therapy in Barcelona, but also online, so that you can benefit from the therapy sessions whenever you want and from wherever you are.
Mensalus has a team of highly specialized psychologists in sex and couples therapy, so it can provide you with solutions and help you with the difficulties you are going through in your relationship, either to improve communication, or to get your common goals back on track, overcoming sexual problems (lack of desire or excitement, problems reaching orgasm, premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction, etc.), accepting infidelity, dealing effectively with occasional crises, fighting estrangement or any other situation that is affecting your well-being and that of your lover.
Its professionals apply techniques and strategies aimed at both individual and couple growth and enable you to learn new ways of relating to your partner while providing you with the necessary tools to overcome difficulties in the relationship and in living together, couple conflicts and also to overcome disaffection in the event that either of you decides to end the relationship.
- If you are interested in more information about this center, just click here.