One of the great motivations of human beings is to succeed in love and to spend a life full of joy with the person we love. Unfortunately, this does not always happen, because courtships and marriages can break up at any time for many reasons, and lasting relationships are not especially common .
Divorces are frequent nowadays and, in fact, Spain is one of the leading countries in this phenomenon, with a 61% divorce rate, according to Business Insider .These results indicate the complexity of maintaining a healthy and lasting relationship. That is why science seems to have been interested in discovering the keys that keep a couple from breaking up. In this article you will find the ten reasons to have a lasting relationship.
How to be happy with your partner
As the statistics indicate, relationships are not easy . Each component of this relationship has its own vision of the world, its concerns, its tastes and has lived its experiences. This means that many times the members of the couple disagree and enter into conflict, which is normal considering that each person in love has his or her own needs. The problem is not the conflicts themselves, but how we face them and solve them.
You have probably heard many times that the key to stability in love is found in communication. In fact, communication is essential when interpreting other people’s actions and giving our opinion. In addition to good communication, other social skills are needed for the couple to function: negotiation skills, empathy, active listening, tolerance, etc.
- You can delve into these and other social skills in this article: “The 14 Major Social Skills for Success in Life”.
The reasons why a relationship lasts
You may have asked yourself, “What makes a couple last despite the bad times or the bumps in the road of the relationship?
This is exactly what Mark Manson, journalist and editor of the magazine Quartz , who before marrying, surveyed 1500 people about what are the keys to a successful relationship . Below you can find the results and conclusions of his survey:
1. Respect or leave the relationship
When we share life with another person, there must be respect. It is logical that both members do not always agree, but for the relationship to work, they must be willing to respect each other.
This includes respecting the ways of thinking and the opinions of the other and, in addition, there needs to be the expression of that respect, for example, eye contact that demonstrates sincerity. No one wants to be with someone who does not respect them, because it causes discomfort and affects self-esteem.
2. Talk about everything (including bad things)
As mentioned above, communication is one of the most important factors in making the relationship work.
Communicating efficiently refers to saying what one thinks in an assertive way , listening actively to what the other person wants to say (not only with his/her verbal language, but also non-verbal) and his/her needs and not avoiding those topics that can be complicated. Unpleasant topics should also be touched upon (with confidence and respect) and should not be avoided because sooner or later they will reappear.
3. Realism above all
Having realistic expectations is necessary for a relationship to work. It is normal that in the beginning, in the phase of falling in love, our perception of life is magnificent, but with the habituation of the relationship some problems can appear that need to be worked on.
A relationship is a constant negotiation in which we have to put on our side, therefore, not only of the attraction is lived and maintained a couple. Being aware that ups and downs can appear is the first step to be able to solve problems when they arise.
4. The importance of partner choice
It can happen that some people fill the void they feel with another person, by panicking about being alone, fearing uncertainty and due to the existence of social pressure that forces us to have a partner.
This happens more often than you might think, because friends and family can make us feel like failures because we are single. Being with someone for fear of being alone is a big mistake, and shows a great emotional weakness and a great fear of meeting oneself. One must love oneself in order to love others. Dependent people make a relationship become asymmetrical, that is, a toxic relationship.
5. Being in a couple does not mean losing your space
Each person has his or her own interests and motivations, which are essential to his or her own personal development and happiness.
Being with someone does not mean that we have to give up our own identity . In fact, doing this makes you too obsessed with the relationship. The project of life as a couple should be combined with one’s own life project.
6. Be at the couple’s side in times of change
When a relationship is healthy, the couple enjoys the triumphs of either partner. That’s why everyone should share things in common but should have their own lives (professionals, friendships, etc.). When one of the two of you makes achievements in your life or has difficult moments, both of you should support each other and show unity .
7. Attitude of reconciliation in the face of conflict
Conflicts are common in relationships, and arguments can arise from a variety of causes. Long-term relationships are no exception and they also fight. However, what keeps couples together is the ability to resolve conflicts and an attitude that seeks dialogue and union rather than separation.
8. Satisfying intimate relationships
Having good intimate relationships is another reason why relationships last. Those couples who pay attention to this point, trying not to make this situation monotonous, are the ones who enjoy the most stability.
Keeping the flame of passion alive is very important in the stability of courtship and marriage. You can learn more about the benefits of being good in bed at this link.
9. Little things make couples happy
We may have high expectations about what our partner should be. What really matters are the little things and the everyday details you share with the person you love. Those words, those moments, those gestures… will make a deep connection and therefore a greater union.
10. Knowing how to forgive
No one is perfect and everyone is wrong, including us. Our partner can also make mistakes, and therefore, for the couple to last, it is necessary to know how to forgive. We may argue and the other person may acknowledge his or her part in the blame. When this happens, we have to close wounds and examine the reasons why it is worth staying together .