For many people, having a partner and getting married is one of their main life goals. But relationships are not always easy and can go through conflicting times . If there is a variable that has a positive impact (or not) on the solution of these conflicts, it is self-esteem.

High self-esteem in love: love me if you dare!

Self-esteem affects people’s daily lives and interpersonal relationships, and the love and partner side is no exception. While individuals with low self-esteem can become emotionally dependent and can intoxicate the relationship, those with high self-esteem can even be intimidating, as they are so good at themselves that they don’t need anyone else to be happy. Sometimes they don’t fit the ideal of a person in love that appears in the movies, that is, that they are attentive to their partner 24 hours a day.

Those with high self-esteem can be criticized because they give an image of “love me if you dare” , that is, they are not the classic people who want to be with someone at all costs (even when the relationship has no solution), but enjoy their life to the fullest and make the most of it. For them, the couple is a traveling companion, and in their schemes there is no option to remain in a toxic relationship. These people, when they find someone they fit in with, really love, love with “mature love”.

Loving yourself is the key to loving others

The truth is that many films, songs or novels are inspired by love, this feeling so intense that it is capable of leaving us with sensations and feelings that are difficult to forget. This love that can seem so idyllic and magnificent, is often based on fantasy , on an image of perfection that is rarely fulfilled. Often, we create irrational expectations of how a person in love or our partner should be, something that can generate conflicts because we cannot fulfill these expectations.

In a healthy love, each member of the couple has his or her own space , and each one should feel good about himself or herself. Without leaving aside respect as a fundamental pillar in the couple’s relationship, it may not be well seen when a person is especially independent and pursues his or her dreams with great impetus and passion, because this irrational image of love that we talk about can make us believe that we should be hooked on the couple, share everything and give ourselves 100%.

Now, if we give ourselves 100%, where is the percentage that is destined for our personal development and individual happiness? When a person loves himself, he is capable of loving others .

Low self-esteem equals toxic people

If high self-esteem is key to love’s success, low self-esteem is the opposite: the person does not feel good about himself, and so it is impossible for a relationship to work . There must be a balance in any interpersonal relationship, otherwise one of us is in a position of power that does not benefit the well-being of the couple.

In addition, people with low self-esteem turn the relationship into a conflictive situation , as communication is seriously affected. They are people who cling to relationships like a burning nail, and have a great need to maintain the emotional bond and affection because they feel weak on their own.

Toxic love, which these people cling to, has ten characteristics. They are as follows:

  • Some of the members leave their families or friends behind.
  • They need the approval of others because they don’t love each other enough.
  • They feel a great emotional dependence because they do not feel strong alone.
  • They get addicted to the couple.
  • It’s an irrational love.
  • They are afraid of change .
  • It’s a relationship where manipulation appears.
  • He’s possessive.
  • It makes you suffer.

Relationships also play a role

In the examples above, we have mentioned how self-esteem affects the smooth running of the relationship. However, love is a very intense feeling and it is a very important part of our life, so the good or bad progress of the relationship also affects how we feel, and our self-esteem.

We can be very attached to a person and live unforgettable experiences, but when love breaks down, our brain suffers and our worldview can change even leading to an existential crisis. Few couples end well, and especially in those cases where there has been infidelity, the person who is the victim of deception can feel like a loser, something that, without a doubt, can have repercussions on the valuation he makes of himself.

In addition, a series of chemical reactions occur in the brain that can cause a neurochemical imbalance that requires a process of normalization, in which the person must get used to being without his or her loved one and must learn to enjoy again the pleasant experiences of life. Scientific research concludes that when we go through a break-up process our dopamine levels drop, something that is associated with depression or obsession.

Psychologists state that it is necessary to stop seeing the ex-parej to until our neuronal circuits regain stability; otherwise, our self-esteem may suffer the consequences.

  • You can learn more about this topic in this article: “Psychology of love: how our brain changes when we find a partner”

How to improve in this respect

Self-esteem is a set of beliefs, evaluations, perceptions and thoughts we have about ourselves. Although there is no magic formula to improve it, it is possible to adopt a series of habits and attitudes that may allow us to be less critical of ourselves, to accept the experiences that occur to us or to learn from failures.

The first step to change is to become aware that you have low self-esteem and in extreme situations it is necessary to seek psychological help. However, in the article: “10 keys to increase your self-esteem in 30 days” you can find a list of tips that will help you to value yourself in a positive way.