Being a parent is not an easy task, it is common to constantly doubt whether you are being too permissive or too strict in your children’s behavior. However, as parents you must exercise a degree of authority that can vary according to the context.

In relation to this type of authority, there are three styles of upbringing that vary according to the level of permissiveness and power that the parents exercise over their children. In this article, we will talk about permissive families ; what they consist of, what the children are like and what disadvantages or mistakes can be made in this type of upbringing.

How are the families permissive?

There are different forms or styles of upbringing that parents can choose according to their personal characteristics, life priorities or according to the environment around them.

These types of styles are the authoritarian or democratic upbringing, in which there are a series of more or less rigid norms and rules of upbringing, or the permissive upbringing style, which we are concerned with in this article, and which is characterized by leaving a great margin of freedom to the behavior of the young sons and daughters .

Permissive families are considered to be the opposite of the authoritarian parenting style. In these cases, parents exercise little or no control over their children’s behavior, leaving them to make their own decisions about everything, even when they may not have enough reason to do so.

However, it is not a question of letting children follow their instincts, ignoring them or not caring about their needs. Parents who are members of permissive families tend to be very affectionate , always showing their emotions and thoughts to their children.

In this line, another point that characterizes these families is the fluidity in communication between its members; sometimes it becomes excessive in terms of the level of adequacy of certain information. It is common for children to be treated as equals, regardless of their age, which sometimes precipitates conversations or statements that are disproportionate to their age and reasoning ability.

Characteristics of children

Compared to children raised in another environment or with another type of upbringing, children from permissive families tend to be more jovial and cheerful; at least initially. However, over time they tend to develop low self-esteem due to not knowing how to face tasks appropriate to their abilities.

In addition, the fact that they were raised without any kind of schemes or guidelines for social interaction presents many problems when it comes to communicating or relating to other people, being too insistent and, sometimes, somewhat out of control.

Once they reach adolescence, an already difficult stage for any child, they tend to transgress any kind of social norm, by constantly searching for external limits.

Parenting errors in permissive families

Parents are first and foremost persons, and as such are susceptible to making certain permissible mistakes in the education of their children. However, there are styles of parenting, such as permissive families, which tend to have more errors or disadvantages than others where a minimum of standards do apply to the child.

These errors of upbringing have to do with the fact of conceding any desire that the child demands at any time, the association of the feeling of happiness with the satisfaction of these desires, the lack of acceptance of some emotions such as disappointment or sadness and a decrease in the child’s self-esteem .

1. Grant all of the child’s wishes

Giving children any wishes or demands they express can lead to the development and enhancement of a low tolerance for frustration, as long as these wishes are only resolved at home.

The moment the child discovers that he or she will not always be able to get everything they want, frustration can turn into irritability, aggressiveness and low self-esteem , and furthermore, he or she will not be able to understand the limits and authority figures present in other external environments.

These desires can range from wanting to play longer than usual, to go to bed late at night, to watch certain television programs, or even wanting parents to buy him anything or take him to a certain place.

2. Associate happiness with the satisfaction of desires

These children tend to believe that other people have an obligation to fulfill their wishes or desires, since that is practically all they know. Therefore, they will live with a constant need to achieve something since this is the only thing that will bring them happiness .

Moreover, in the long run this will affect the relationship between parents and children since, surely, at some point these parents will not be able to monopolize all the children’s desires.

3. Intolerance to certain feelings and emotions

When the child learns to live surrounded by satisfactory feelings and without any contact with less gratifying emotions, but necessary for good psychological functioning, tolerance to negative feelings such as sadness or disappointment is eliminated .

This fact will lead the child to try, by all possible means, not to experience these emotions since for him they will be absolutely unbearable.

As a result, he is likely to end up engaging in destructive and harmful behaviour.

4. Lack of discipline, self-control and self-esteem

Children raised in environments without any kind of discipline will not be able to develop the ability to establish their own limits and therefore, both in adolescence and in maturity they will experience serious difficulties in achieving their goals or objectives; since discipline and self-control will be something alien to them .

These problems in self-regulation and in achieving one’s goals will also have a negative impact on a person’s self-esteem. It diminishes their ability to value themselves positively.