Today it is not uncommon for most people to have had more than one sexual partner in their lifetime, with an average of at least seven partners estimated to have had little sex in their lives.

In this context, then, it is common that when most people pair up one or both members have had other romantic and love experiences before.

In some cases, one of the members may fear losing out in a comparison with other people who have gone through the life of their partner, and jealousy may appear which can be pathological and seriously damage the health of the relationship. This is Rebecca’s Syndrome .

What is Rebecca’s Syndrome?

A condition or situation with pathological characteristics that is characterised by the existence of a high level of jealousy on the part of one of the components of the couple towards the previous sentimental or sexual partners of their spouse or current partner is called Rebecca’s Syndrome. This is a syndrome that enjoys some popularity and is based on retrospective jealousy (i.e., jealousy directed towards a person or a type of relationship from the past), although it is not a disorder included in the main diagnostic classification manuals.

This situation becomes pathological when it becomes a recurrent and obsessive topic without there being a real reason for the existence of jealousy, and can be traced back to the type of union or attachment that the partner of the person who suffers it had with an ex or a woman that he or she may never have known and that is not currently involved or that relationship is not romantic.

Sometimes Rebecca’s Syndrome can lead to the existence of persecutory behaviours towards the ex-partner or to the attempt to control all the social interactions of the partner, being habitual that this generates serious conflicts in the current relationship or imbalances in the power relations. It can also happen that the affected person tries to be extremely complacent or superior to the former partner, exercising a kind of unilateral competition that can also be aversive to the partner and seriously affect the self-esteem of both.

This condition is aggravated if the partner’s previous relationship is viewed or remembered (either by the partner or the environment) in an extremely positive way, as being virtuous, attractive, sensual and passionate or intelligent, especially if these qualities are not appreciated by the person with the syndrome in his or her own person. The person you are jealous of does not have to be a recent partner, and can be traced back to the first love of the partner or even a deceased person.

The origin of its designation

The name Rebecca’s Syndrome was coined by the writer Carmen Posadas in her book Rebecca’s Syndrome: A Guide to Conjure Up Ghosts , which has recently been reissued. The concept comes from Hitchcock’s film based on the novel by Daphne du Maurier , Rebecca , in which a widower Mr. Winter is widowed by his first wife and at the same time marries a second one, who must face the ghosts and memories of her predecessor (who appears trying to make her widower separate from his new partner) in an environment that constantly reminds her.

It must be taken into account that although the syndrome at a psychological level is usually defined as the pathological jealousy of a person towards the exes of his or her partner , in Carmen Posadas’ publication this syndrome is not limited to this but also includes cases in which the same person looks for a faithful reflection of a previous partner in a new one (repeating the same relational pattern and looking for someone who may even be physically similar) or, on the contrary, looking for a type of partner that is totally opposite to the previous ones.

Causes

The causes of this particular syndrome are not particularly known, being somewhat multicausal, although this type of zealoty is usually linked to the presence of insecurity in the couple and low self-esteem and self-concept on the part of the affected person. The new couple may feel that the previous one is superior to them, wanting to compete and overcome their memory , or that they have never had the same type of relationship or experiences as those they had previously.

It can also be encouraged in relationships where the partner or the partner’s environment is often reminiscent of the ex-partner in question, or even in those relationships where a direct comparison between the relationships is actually made (whether the comparison is intended to harm or not). It can also be facilitated when the person discovers that they have exactly the same personality and/or physical pattern as the ex-partner, and may feel like a substitute rather than a valued one.

Finally, it can occur in couples where one of the members has recently been widowed before joining their current partner, or has not overcome the loss and memories. Although grief is normal, in some insecure people it can be seen as a reflection that they do not have such a deep love relationship with the person concerned.

Treatment

Dealing with Rebecca’s Syndrome can be difficult and have serious implications for the health of the couple’s relationship. In order to treat it, it may be necessary to intervene both at couple and individual level in the case of the affected person .

In the first case, it is recommended to encourage communication regarding the current relationship, to work on possible dissatisfactions that may exist in it and to make both see and value the positive aspects of it and why they are together. It will also be necessary to evaluate if we are facing a comparison that the person with the syndrome makes unilaterally or if it is his or her partner, the environment or the ex-partner who actively generates the comparison (given that it is also possible).

It should also be taken into account not to emphasize the characteristics of past relationships or to detail them to a great extent as this may facilitate comparisons, and especially if there are unsatisfactory aspects in the current one. It is not a question of denying previous relationships, simply of not going into too much detail in them.

But without a doubt the most important thing will be the work on an individual level. It will be necessary to work on self-esteem and self-concept, what the couple means to the person with the syndrome and why they feel jealous of their previous relationships. It is also necessary to talk about the consequences and difficulties that the jealousy situation generates in the couple.

On the other hand , the presence of controlling and persecutory attitudes can be assessed and worked on , in addition to restructuring the beliefs that the subject may have about himself, his partner and his ex-partners (especially if they are presented as idealized).

Bibliographic references:

  • Posadas, C. (2014). Rebecca’s syndrome. Guide to conjuring up love ghosts. Editorial Planeta.