Self-esteem is the fundamental basis of a person’s psychological well-being . Therefore, it is one of the most important aspects of most psychotherapy processes.

In this article we will see how self-esteem is worked from psychological therapy , and in what sense this benefits the patients.

Components of self-esteem

Self-esteem is the value we place on ourselves. We can synthesize it in these five “autos”, their components and constitutive parts:

1. Self-knowledge

It consists of knowing what your characteristics are, your weaknesses, strengths, needs …

2. Self-assessment

Once you have clear your characteristics, see how you value them , that is, if in a positive or negative way, in general terms.

3. Self-acceptance

There are things we can and want to change about ourselves and others we may not like and must accept as they are .

4. Self-respect

It’s the first step to healthy self-esteem. It is about seeking our well-being, meeting our needs and treating us with the love we deserve .

5. Positive self-esteem

It is based on all the above points, and on the fact that we seek a healthy self-esteem, that is, one that is neither too low (underestimation), nor high ( narcissism), nor conditional (loving us if we achieve certain things, but despising us). A healthy self-esteem is unconditional.

What do we mean by balanced self-esteem?

Healthy self-esteem can be defined as a positive attitude towards oneself, based on a realistic self-image that has to do with who we really are. It implies accepting ourselves unconditionally, without this acceptance being dependent on the achievement of certain achievements or the valuation of other people and attending to our personal needs and well-being. It also influences this if we relate to others in a satisfactory way.

It must be distinguished from low self-esteem, in which we value ourselves distortedly in a more negative way than we deserve, and from narcissistic self-esteem, in which the person tends to overvalue himself, or from conditional self-esteem, which depends on the achievement of certain goals.

We can imagine healthy self-esteem as a balanced balance between our “real self”, more related to self-concept, that is, in how we see ourselves, and our “ideal self” referred to how we would like to be.

This “ideal self” responds to our “potential self” so we must be cautious, since it is important to have goals and desire to improve, but it is not convenient to have too high demands since we will not be able to reach them or, if we do, we will be suffering for when we will stop doing it.

Can you work on self-esteem in therapy?

Despite the fact that self-esteem has been forged, to a great extent, in our childhood and youth, it is something that can be worked on in adulthood through psychological therapy . In fact, it is one of the main demands we receive in our practice, Mariva Psychologists.

When working on self-esteem in psychotherapy, we do so by intervening in each of the 5 constitutive elements that we have mentioned, and by providing tools in these areas:

1. Cognitive area

The role of thoughts is primordial , being one of the main objectives of the therapy the flexibilization of the “should “s that we impose on ourselves, that is, of the self-demands, as well as the distorted beliefs that we may have about ourselves.

It is about reversing all those destructive and distorted thoughts we have about ourselves into a self-dialogue that we are not usually aware of.

2. Behavioral Area

In this area we work, among other aspects, on the practice of assertive rights, social skills, we stress the importance of performing pleasant tasks… In general, we seek that the person learns to take care of himself and, also, that he experiences a greater sense of usefulness .

On the other hand, social relationships are very relevant to generate a healthy self-esteem, and therefore the quality of communication and expression skills are enhanced.

3. Emotional Area

It is important to cultivate self-pity, to work on our emotions as well as to analyze how we see ourselves (real self) and how we would like to know (ideal self) trying to balance this often very uneven balance.

We will promote emotions of kindness, because if we can be kind to others… why not with ourselves?

So… I could improve my self-esteem if I went to the psychologist?

The answer to the question of whether self-esteem can be improved in therapy is a resounding yes. In fact, as we commented, it is one of the main demands currently in our practice in Valencia, since if self-esteem is low, the person does not feel well and considerable suffering is generated , which can even lead to the development of anxiety, low moods, damage to social and/or couple relationships, etc.

Working on self-esteem is a process that, despite having a hard part, is very rewarding for the person who goes through it and for the therapist who accompanies them. This process begins with an adequate psychological evaluation to find out the person’s specific problem, and which techniques are the most appropriate for him or her. It continues with the use of these techniques to finish when a great improvement in self-esteem is achieved, which should continue to be cared for, just as you would care for your most precious asset.

If you think about it, is like any other love . You have to know how to love, eliminate toxic relationships, and when you discover healthy love, you have to keep caring for it.

Bibliographic references:

  • Baumeister, R. F.; Campbell, J. D.; Krueger, J. I.; Vohs, K. D. (2003). Does High Self-Esteem Cause Better Performance, Interpersonal Success, Happiness, or Healthier Lifestyles? Psychological Science in the Public Interest. 4 (1): 1 – 44.
  • Marsh, H.W. (1990). Causal ordering of academic self-concept and academic achievement: A multiwave, longitudinal path analysis. Journal of Educational Psychology. 82 (4): 646 – 656.