The possibility of having sex with a friend is always a subject that is taboo . Our culture seems to teach us about topics that are forged on the big screen: sex between friends ruins friendships.
Intimate relationships between friends: a utopia?
But is that true, or is it just a mere invention? Have we got used to drawing too rigid a line between friendship and sex?
A few months ago we wondered if friendship can exist “just like that” between a man and a woman. Today we ask the opposite question: what happens when two friends have sex?
Science defends the importance of maintaining relationships with friends
Several studies already argue that having a night of passionate sex with a friend is not only not harmful, but could strengthen the relationship . Therefore, we would no longer have to always weigh and choose between one thing or the other.
The reflection that most people make about this is that, once you have had a sexual relationship with a friend, the relationship always ends up being spoiled because one of the two ends up falling in love with the other and therefore things happen on a different level.
An extensive study at Boise State University has confirmed that widespread thinking is false and that sex between friends is indeed capable of improving the relationship, at least in most cases they analyzed.
Three hundred people were surveyed, and more than 75% acknowledged that having had sex with a friend had photorealized their friendship . 12 In the same vein, 20% admitted that at some point in their lives they had had sex with a close friend and that, far from spoiling the friendship, the intimate contact had made them feel closer as friends.
It seems that more and more people are willing to have sporadic sexual contact with a friend without confusing feelings or shaking the foundation of the friendship.
Couples that start out as a simple friendship tend to be more durable
Another conclusion of the study is the following: 50% of the respondents who had a partner and had started their current relationship from a simple friendship, still remained attached to their partner. In other words: people who start out as friends and then go on to become partners are more likely to stay together longer .
This may be because the level of trust and understanding is higher in these cases than in people who quickly met and matched without having gone through the friendship stage.
Some tips on sex and friendship
Nevertheless, the researchers came to certain conclusions about the practice of mixing friendship with sex. Those who have in mind to carry on a friendship “with touch” should be aware of several things.
One, they must know the other person well and make it clear beforehand what we expect from them , so as not to give rise to unrealistic expectations that could end up hurting someone. Two, to prioritize friendship over intimate relationships if the latter may have negative consequences for one of the two. One of the main drawbacks of having a relationship with a friend is precisely that we may be fertilizing the ground for a potentially toxic friendship. Therefore, you have to be careful and try to do things right.
Although the idea that friends can have sex without one of them getting hurt is not widely accepted culturally, this research we have explained focuses on how quickly our relationships are mutating, and thus our conception of right and wrong.
What is your opinion? Have you ever had sex with a friend? What happened? You can leave us a comment below or discuss it with us on our social networks. We’re waiting for you!
- Affifi, W. & Faulkner, S. (2000). On being “just friends”: The frequency and impact of sexual activity on cross-sex friendship. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 17(2), 205-222.