Relationships are often complicated. At the beginning of a relationship, everything is rosy, the chemicals of love are in full swing and we feel invaded by positive feelings. However, and depending on some circumstances that we will try to explain, it is common to see how many couples degrade and even break up because of a common problem: jealousy .

What is jealousy?

In the area of relationships , jealousy is a feeling of insecurity and anguish that invades one or both members of a romantic couple when a series of situations occur. This negative feeling can arise when they feel that the love of the other is in danger, or when they notice with fear that they are no longer the centre of attention of the loved one.

By extension, all interpersonal relationships can be affected by jealousy . We can find examples of situations of jealousy that occur even in adult life: “my mother spends more time with my sister, she has always been the favourite” or “my best friend asked someone else out when I was her best friend”.

As we can see, not all jealousy comes from sentimental couples, but it is true that it is much more common between boyfriends . In fact, jealousy is a recurrent problem in couples’ psychological consultations.

The side effects of jealousy (and how to cope with them)

Such situations can occur much more frequently than we imagine, generating feelings of anger, irritability and rivalry between the parties involved. Sometimes we use wrong ways to reinforce our sense of worth, and we also have some difficulty accepting the presence of other sources of gratification (which are not us) in the life of that loved one. These are elements that can generate the necessary breeding ground for jealousy to arise .

However, these situations are usually resolved without major complications, since it is assumed that in adulthood a series of emotional tools have been developed that allow these unpleasant feelings to be channelled into more adaptive responses. Most people are able to relativize this feeling and put it into context, but there are others who, for one reason or another, are invaded by the feeling of discomfort caused by jealousy, without being able to control it.

The good side of jealousy

It is worth mentioning that sometimes jealousy can be useful . Is this possible? Yes, because in certain situations jealousy can allow us to turn on an alert in our mind in case we are living through real situations that require a series of actions that guarantee the stability of the relationship with that loved one. For example, jealousy can be a sign that something is happening, and that perhaps there is a third person who is really getting involved in our love relationship.

Jealousy would thus be an advantage in making certain reasonable doubts present in our decision-making and not making us act blindly out of love or affection for the other person. However, it should be noted that jealousy alone does not guarantee that we will judge what happens to us rationally: this requires other capabilities.

When are they harmful?

Is jealousy potentially harmful to our emotional well-being? In general, these feelings manifest themselves in an uncontrolled way, are irrational, without objective foundation and therefore harmful . These are the unhealthy jealousies , which can really end interpersonal relationships, and which pose a problem for the psychological well-being of the person who suffers them.

Unfortunately, there is the mistaken belief that when a person is jealous of his loved one, it is because he loves him very much . This is a blunder that can generate dangerous dynamics and make the situation worse. In fact, it is easy to hear phrases like: “if he is jealous of you, it is because he is very much in love”. This type of conception about jealousy can be a bad start for a relationship, because love as a couple must be sown in freedom to allow both members to grow and flourish; jealousy only suffocates the relationship, to the point of making it unbearable.

The signs that warn us that someone is jealous

The following are the most frequent symptoms that indicate that we are dealing with someone who is suffering from sickly jealousy . However, it should be emphasized that people who experience these feelings live with a lot of pain most of their days.

Jealousy is a serious problem that may require intervention by a mental health professional. Usually, people recognize their problem for themselves, but they find it extremely difficult to acknowledge it to others and, consequently, refuse to receive help. This can prevent them from getting out of the negative spiral.

10 Signs and Symptoms of Jealousy

  • They check the phone numbers of their relatives (partner, family) constantly, and also their personal accounts (Facebook, e-mail…).
  • They distrust their colleagues , both men and women.
  • They don’t look kindly on their partners doing pleasant personal activities .
  • They assume that their partners dress up and put on makeup to please other people.
  • They carefully check their partners’ clothes for other people’s marks or smells.
  • They assume that personal purchases made by their partners are gifts to other people.
  • They deprive their partners of enjoying spaces with other people , even if they have the opportunity to accompany them.
  • They constantly criticize, humiliate, scold and devalue their partners.
  • They tend to have a rude and overbearing attitude.
  • They ridicule their partners in front of other people.

The need to overcome this problem

People who experience jealousy at too high a level feel fear, anguish, sadness, stress, and even bodily pain from their distrust. They may even feel uneasy about life.

But it is necessary to insist that the problems of jealousy can be overcome by going to a suitable professional. This emotional situation can be remedied.