Adolescence is a time of discovery, of change, of decision making, of awakening to the world through the very eyes of a child who, little by little, is becoming a responsible adult.

It is a complex stage because the personality is still being built , and important changes take place in the school context.

Adolescence: a (hard) road ahead

In psychological consultations, complaints from parents are frequent. Irritable adolescents, who do not comply with the established norms , who begin to have dangerous friendships and who have academic problems.

From the position of parents, adolescence is often described as a time of many fights, confrontations and disputes, to the point where the situation can become totally unbearable. What to do when living with teenagers at home? Is there a guide for parents in trouble?

Interested in reading: “Rebellious Teens: 6 Tips for Parents in Trouble”

Tips for a good coexistence with teenagers

Problems have solutions, and although adolescence is a complicated age, everything can be remedied if the right educational seeds are sown.

Below we offer you some advice, both on an educational and a communicative level , that can help you to enjoy your children’s adolescence more.

1. Let them explore the world

Young people need to define many aspects of their lives: their personality, their friendships, their preferences… This is normal, and it is necessary to understand that they can be fickle in their opinions and tastes . In this way they try and decide; it is the way they can finally make decisions.

Just as adults need time to shop, so does a teenager seek to make the best decision, only he is just beginning to do so, to discover himself, and therefore requires time to develop that skill .

2.Let’s listen to them sincerely

We should teach (and encourage) our teenagers to express their thoughts and feelings . To do this, the most important thing is that we listen to them without judging, criticising or humiliating them.

Young people often do not talk to their parents precisely because they do not know how to listen and perceive them as a threat, like adults who only want to correct and punish them. But we must remember that when a young person comes to us for a conversation it is because he or she really needs it, needs to be heard, and the worst thing we can do is to lecture them and judge them negatively. If we want our children to trust us, we must offer them our sincere help when they need it, and they must know that we are a faithful support. In any case, we should not solve their problems: doing it on their own will allow them to take responsibility and grow up .

3.Let us accept your judgement and decisions

If they are decisions that will not harm you, let them choose . This point is very difficult for many parents, because they are used to deciding for their children and obviously always decide what they think is best for them.

This is the time when they must make their own decisions, even if these decisions are contrary to our tastes or way of thinking. The most common examples: the way they dress, the music they listen to, physical appearance, among others. These are aspects of their lives that we can try to influence with our left hand, but never impose our criteria on them .

4. Let them make mistakes: from mistakes you also learn

As adults, we know that our teenagers must experience the good and bad things in life, in pursuit of their learning and maturing development. We cannot lock our children in a glass bubble, we must let them grow . That is, we must let them think, reflect, act, and of course make mistakes, because mistakes allow them to mature. Phrases such as: “I told you so”… “Don’t cry, I warned you” and others like it cancel out the possibility that the child feels he has the right to make mistakes. How will he learn to make his own decisions without making mistakes?

We must bear in mind: we too are afraid of being parents and above all of making mistakes. Surely we have made many mistakes during our lives, these allowed us to mature and grow, and our relatives forgot the bad times. Now, the adolescent can feel in his own flesh the fear of being an adult, but it comforts him to know that his parents love him, in spite of his mistakes. Let us support them, guide them, and when they make a mistake, teach them to assume the consequences .

5. Let’s learn to apologize if we have made a mistake

The best way to teach is by constant example. If we as parents make a mistake, the best thing to do is to apologize and rectify it , this is the most important sign of maturity that can be taught to a child.

It is precisely at this stage of adolescence that children begin to realize their parents’ mistakes, which is why we adults tend to get irritated more easily, because our children now think, analyze, compare, decide and, consequently, get an idea or criticism of the environment, also of our skills as parents. Unfortunately, many adults expect and demand that our children apologize when they commit a fault, but we, as adults, rarely do. We are afraid to show weakness to them. However, apologizing is an act of maturity and courage, and it is not true that we are losing credibility or power in the eyes of our children. On the contrary: we are gaining their respect and admiration .

6. We are not responsible for our failures

Many parents, consciously or unconsciously, want to prevent their children from making the same mistakes they made in the past, and even fear that they will be rebellious as they were when they were young .

We must overcome our fears and stop extrapolating our fears and desires to them. Our children are building their own personality and their own path; we must be there to support and help them .

7. Let’s be brave: let’s help them be what they want to be

Having children is one of the most intense experiences we can have as human beings. Our role as parents is to make them into authentic, independent and successful beings , autonomous people who know how to make their own way towards a full and happy life.

Of course, we should not try to make our teenagers copies of ourselves: let’s give them the tools they need to grow up and let them choose their own path , whether in the field of academics, work, love… or in any other aspect.

A few final thoughts

When limits and discipline are established from childhood, an environment of trust and respect is fostered, autonomy and confidence is promoted, and the necessary conditions are provided for children to successfully advance to a new stage: adolescence. Although it is true that among parents the arrival of this vital stage in their children generates a great deal of fear -sometimes more in the parents than in the young people themselves- the reality is that it is usually experienced without major difficulties .

Unfortunately, on many occasions it is during this stage that the adolescent makes evident a series of affective deficiencies that were not provided in childhood. As a consequence, we parents usually use “adolescence” as a smokescreen to avoid reflecting or attending to everything we have been missing. Of course, it is in this area that parents “suffer”, and therefore it is necessary to have some tools to know how to face the changes.

We hope that these tips will be useful to you to enjoy the stage “of awakening to the world”. The task is not easy, no doubt forming human beings is a task only suitable for the brave : it will require constantly reviewing our way of educating and correcting some aspects if necessary. The important thing is that we still have time, we just have to put good will in it.