Have you ever wondered how couples therapy works? That is, what explains why psychologists who work in this field do what they do.

Well, couples’ therapy is not simply a technique that, applied to love relationships, fixes them by following the same magic formula. It is, in any case, a type of psychological intervention (that is, carried out by professionals of psychology) in which different tools and methods are used to attend to the needs of a given couple’s relationship, taking into account its particularities.

This means that couple’s therapy is characterized by its plurality, the heterogeneousness of its proposals and approaches to the problem to be treated. That is why this work of the experts in love relationships cannot be summarized in a single action or formula to make the emotional bond between two people stronger. In other words, there are many pillars of couples’ therapy that explain the way it works. Let’s see what they are.

The Pillars of Couples Therapy: Key Ideas for Strengthening Relationships

These are the key ideas that help to understand what couples therapy is and why it can be of great help to those who decide to go for this type of session with a psychologist.

1. Communication is the basis of everything

Any relationship needs a constant flow of communication. That is to say, that the dialogue must be part of the daily life of the two people who form a couple.

However, this is a necessary but insufficient condition by itself for the love bond to be strong ; this characteristic can occur and, at the same time, discussions can make the relationship not go well, for example.

2. Physical contact is crucial, beyond sex

Relationships need to allow for moments of physical contact and a certain amount of intimacy. These moments, beyond pleasant experiences, bring affective proximity : the feeling that with that person you can act in a different way, to express yourself in ways that we don’t express ourselves with anyone else.

By the way, this physical contact does not have to be sexual in all cases: there are people who do not feel desires and impulses of this kind, and that is not a problem for them if they are with another person compatible with their asexuality.

3. Finding common interests and hobbies is a plus

The idea that in love opposites attract is a myth. Although there are always exceptions, it is normal that the strongest and most prosperous relationships are established between people who have quite a few things in common. Therefore, one of the pillars of couples’ therapy is to create situations in which both find common interests , which allow them to live together many stimulating moments.

4. Discussions should not be avoided

Another of the pillars of couples’ therapy is that we should not avoid arguments, because if we are considering doing so, it is because a conflict (big or small) has already arisen that is going around in our heads.

What you have to do with discussions, in any case, is manage them well and take them as something natural in any relationship between people who spend a lot of time together . In this way they will not become a simple ritual, a way to vent by attacking the other, since assuming that discussions are an anomaly leads to blurring their true reason for being and to end up using them for everything.

5. Time together is necessary

Love relationships do not exist outside our living conditions. A marriage in which both work hard and come home late at night will hardly find moments to share, and this wears down the health of that emotional bond. It is necessary to find new lifestyles, and to do so in a coordinated and consensual manner .

6. It is normal to want to have life beyond the couple

A relationship is a commitment that involves many responsibilities, sacrifices and projects, but it is wrong to assume that the life of each of its members must be reduced to that. That is why in couples’ therapy we work to clarify the different ways in which each person wants to be involved in the relationship , and which times and situations they prefer to reserve for themselves.

7. It is important to learn not to prejudge

Love is an intense psychological phenomenon because it encourages us to lose ourselves in what we feel in every moment we share with the other person. However, we must also know how to adopt a distant and as neutral a perspective as possible in order to value why the other person behaves as he or she does, and why we behave as we do.

If we are not capable of this, we run the risk of constantly prejudging, devoting our efforts more to making judgements about the morality of the other than to seeking effective solutions.

Where to seek professional assistance?

If you are interested in attending couples therapy to improve the state of your relationship or marriage, or to give you a second chance after going through a love crisis and considering the break-up, you can count on the professional help of .

Our team of highly qualified psychologists is present both in Madrid and in several of the cities of the CAM: Leganés, Getafe and Móstoles. To see our contact details, click here.

Bibliographic references:

  • Christensen A., Atkins D.C., Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). “Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): pp. 225 – 235.
  • O’Donohue, W. and Ferguson, K.E. (2006). Evidence-Based Practice in Psychology and Behavior Analysis. The Behavior Analyst Today.