The importance of the mother’s role in the first moments of birth is essential , although it often goes unnoticed.

To understand the extent to which this is important in our lives, it is worth examining what happens during the stage when it plays a role in protecting, educating and providing affection to the youngest.

What is the maternal function?

The maternal role in babies is understood as the desire to provide physical and emotional nourishment to infants.

Not only is it necessary to take care of physical well-being (food, shelter, cleanliness, rest…) but also involves benign or positive affective stimuli . Children who are deprived of these affective stimuli often die under the condition called hospitalism .

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Positive affective stimuli

Benign or positive affective stimuli are those that are born innately from the desire to love that new creature. They have to do with the sweet and gentle tone of voice, the smiles, caresses and hugs, and the constant gaze in the other’s eyes.

Many times mothers who look at their children “are lost in the gaze of their loved one, and their loved one is found in the gaze of their mother”. It is important to mention that for biological reasons mothers tend to have an easier time achieving greater emotional bonding with their children . Therefore, they fulfill the maternal function more spontaneously.

However, the maternal function can be assumed by any person who has the disposition and affective competencies necessary to demonstrate affection.

The need for affective contact

A baby is that human being totally dependent on the care of others . It is a child with innate tendencies to grow and develop, but at this moment it is part of the bond with that maternal figure, who will allow it to continue with its own development.

In the beginning, the mother’s role is limited to providing her with shelter, support, protection, protection from danger and meeting her physiological as well as emotional needs. It is a process that mothers learn to manage while breastfeeding their children ; hence the emotional importance of understanding the importance of breastfeeding.

The value of breastfeeding

When mothers breastfeed their children they initiate a warm bond (mother-son) sustained by the looks, caresses, gestures, tone of voice, care… In this bond a kind of complicity is generated between both ; in this way the mother learns to know the needs of her child in the minimum calls for attention that he makes. That is to say, she easily manages to distinguish a cry of hunger from a cry of sleep, as well as to know with a simple look at her child if he is sick.

It is a special psychological condition that mothers develop during the weeks after birth. Emotionally, her baby is still part of her, and therefore, she shows great sensitivity to what the baby expresses.

Babies learn to recognize their mother’s face in the most pleasant moments they experience at the beginning of their lives: breastfeeding. Feeding and looking at the mother’s face allows them to create that relationship of unity where the mother reflects what he means to her.

The Mirror of Gaze

The gaze that takes place as part of the mother’s function is the first mirror in which the child begins to differentiate himself and to react to the other, since he realizes the response that his presence generates in the other; hence the importance of giving back the constant gestures, movements and sounds that the child emits, since this is the moment when he begins to discover himself as a person.

At this moment the child depends on “the look”, on the presence, on the care of that maternal figure. These are the first steps towards the healthy construction of self-concept, self-esteem and security, and if there are anomalies in this phase, developmental and behavioural problems may appear . Some disorders that occur in adult life may have their roots in this type of defective attachments made during the first six months of life.

Breastfeeding in the current context

Unfortunately, nowadays mothers have extremely limited possibilities to provide this type of bonding with their babies , or they are unaware of the importance of “looking at it” and transmitting security and tranquility to it. They assume the task of breastfeeding, guaranteeing only the food. For example, while breastfeeding they usually talk on the phone, check Facebook, read the newspaper… Their attention is on other things.

Sometimes, breastfeeding is also assumed to be the mother’s right to breastfeed, adding a triumphant position in favour of women when in the social sphere they are allowed or provided with spaces to do so comfortably in public without any censorship. In both cases, it should be remembered that it is not possible to fall into the error of assuming it only as a mother’s right , but rather the right of the child to be looked at, pampered, cared for and felt while being fed .

The evolution of maternal function

As the child grows “emotionally” he begins to discover his own needs to explore the environment . This dynamic starts with behaviours such as thumb sucking, looking at objects, acquiring better and greater postures, mastering their body, throwing and holding objects, etc.

Move safely towards better dependency. The child is attentive to his environment, receptive and willing to grasp sounds, movements, textures, etc . As a result, he begins to detach himself from the mother’s gaze. This process takes place from six months to three years.

Favorite Toy

At this stage, it is usual for children to acquire an object, called a blanket, pillow, pacifier, or simply a toy . Children need this object to ease the anxiety of separation with family members and to start exploring the world.

This is the first belonging they acquire, it is “almost sacred” to them and it accompanies them everywhere, regardless of their state. It may smell bad, be dirty, damaged, untidy, discolored, but that object contains everything they need to detach themselves from their mother and feel safe in new spaces.

It is recommended to maintain this child/object bond . Generally you will only be able to detach yourself from your object when it is linked to the feeling of security. Sometimes parents ask if they can wash it or change it for a new one, but it is important to clarify that for the child it is very important to keep the one he has chosen and to feel sure that it is within his reach, that is to say, that no derogatory comments are made to him, such as: “See how ugly it is, don’t be a pig, let’s change it”. The object means for the child a source of security that goes beyond what we as adults can understand.

Hiding

Finally he starts to hide from his mother, he plays at disappearing or having her disappear ; it is the beginning or the first steps towards independence. The first games start to be played in secret; the child explores the world but with the certainty of being able to return to his place of comfort: the arms of the person who protects him and gives him affection.

It is at this time that both the baby and the mother must be prepared to assume this first separation with security and tranquillity ; without pressure or limitations. The mother must provide her child with new relationships and possibilities of understanding their environment. From now on the child will be prepared to initiate the facet of play, where finally he does not need the “look of his mother”, he concentrates through extensive spaces playing in his own world and incorporating the participation of other children in his daily life. He is prepared to continue and develop as an independent and emotionally stable being.