Kindness is a personal trait that, in popular culture, is always seen as something positive and desirable . Although this is partly true, it can be said that being very kind can sometimes have some drawbacks.

Be that as it may, we will now look more closely at this personality trait, how people are the ones who have it very high, how they are the ones who have it very low, and how it relates to professional success and forgiveness.

What is kindness as a personality trait?

Within the model of the Big Five, by psychologists Paul Costa and Robert McCrae , kindness, also called cordiality, is one of the traits that make up personality.

Kindness is described as the tendency of people to be compassionate and helpful to others. People with high scores in this dimension are usually seen as warm, friendly and diplomatic.

Being cordial is related to having an optimistic view of others, as well as putting other people’s interests before one’s own and maintaining good relationships with peers. It seeks to please everyone, to possess social harmony. In other words, possessing a high degree of kindness is related to exhibiting prosocial behavior .

As a result, friendly people tend to perform especially well in social situations and in activities that are carried out in teams, in addition to fostering a good interpersonal atmosphere, avoiding confrontation and trying to solve relational problems.

On the other hand, people who have lower scores in this dimension are usually not very altruistic . They are not so keen on putting their interests before those of others, being quite common to opt for selfish behaviour, although this in itself need not be a negative thing. They tend to be more competitive and even manipulative.

Those with low levels of kindness have been associated with manifesting higher levels of what is known as the “dark triad” , a series of characteristics that are related to negative personality aspects. Among them are Machiavellianism, narcissism and psychopathy. They are also more likely to suffer from cardiac disease and to experience accelerated aging.

Each of the traits that make up the Big Five model has been shown to be behind certain positive aspects in life. Kindness, as we said before, is a predictor of good and solid interpersonal relationships.

Kind individuals tend to be better accepted in peer groups and suffer less from bullying situations. In addition, they enjoy better contacts with the desired sex, either during dating or in more intimate contexts. They enjoy a higher degree of satisfaction in their couple, and are less likely to suffer from marital break-ups.

People with high friendliness often enjoy success in professions where social skills are needed or a task is carried out in collaborative work environments. They also tend to be involved in situations that help the disadvantaged, such as volunteering, as well as being less involved in criminal situations.

Facets of this feature

Within the dimension of kindness, as with the other personality dimensions of the Big Five model, we can find several more concrete facets . In the case of kindness they are the following.

1. Trust

This facet would refer to the tendency of to assume that most people you meet are fair, honest and have good intentions .

2. Openness / Sincerity

A kind person tends not to manipulate others , being frank and candid.

3. Altruism

It consists of helping others and obtaining pleasure by performing altruistic tasks . Doing things for others fills them up, instead of seeing it as a form of self-sacrifice.

4. Conciliatory attitude

You avoid confrontations and try to get along with others.

5. Modesty

Modesty is understood as the way to show oneself to the world as one is, without exaggerating positive attributes . This is done without necessarily having a lack of self-esteem and having diminished confidence in one’s own abilities.

6. Empathy / Sympathy

People who score high on empathy care for others emotionally, and know how to put themselves in their place . They are compassionate with the disadvantage that another person may be going through.

Kindness and professional success

High scores in this trait have been linked to professional success. This, although partly true, should be taken with a grain of salt, since personality traits should be seen as contextually advantageous . There are situations in which being kind is beneficial, while in others it may pose a problem for the person’s physical and mental integrity.

In most cases, possessing social skills and having a generally friendly personality is associated with a good work setting and a good relationship with co-workers, and can be a contributing factor in salary increases and promotions.

As we saw, friendly people are seen as warmer and more pleasant. In a work context such as an office, having employees who contribute to the development of a correct interpersonal dynamic in that place can increase the productivity of the company , in addition to reducing the risk of time off work. This can be explained by the fact that workers will be more eager to go to work because they meet people with whom they have a good time.

However, if an unsociable person is found in the same workplace, it is quite likely that the company has a serious problem. On the one hand, toxic situations can develop both inside and outside the office, and on the other hand, the unkind person will have very little desire to go to work, which in itself puts him/her at risk of being fired and others of having to put up with someone who does not give all his/her effort.

However, the profile of a friendly person may not be the most appropriate one for certain professions . For example, in a high school, where the students are teenagers who can be potentially conflictive, it is not advisable for the teacher to always be friendly, especially if there is a case of bullying in class or one of the young people is interrupting the session. The teacher should be firm and expel the student, or stop the aggression if it is happening.

Another area where having a low profile of cordiality can be an advantage rather than a disadvantage is in the military. A soldier should not be a friendly person who sees the best in others, since if he does so in a war situation it is quite likely that he will not see the enemy and end up paying for it with his life. In other words, kindness is not helpful in professions where a certain competitive spirit is required.

What does it have to do with forgiveness?

Scientific evidence has suggested that kindness may be the strongest predictor of prosocial behaviour such as forgiveness and its antagonist, revenge .

Forgiveness can be understood as a process in which a person manages, through words, to restore a relationship that had been damaged by an act, both physical and verbal, that had harmed another person. Asking for forgiveness predisposes one not to attack later, in addition to defusing the situation generated and reducing negative emotions.

Since people who are less kind are antagonistic, hostile, irritable, and often show little respect for others, they also seem to be people who choose to engage more often in revenge behavior rather than forgive those who may have hurt them.

On the other hand, affable people tend to look for more meaningful relationships with others , so, in case they are harmed by some kind of harmful act, such as an aggression or insult, they will opt for strategies to reduce tension, forgiveness being the most important and recurrent of them.

Bibliographic references:

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