Woody Allen is an eccentric but also very intelligent character . This director, scriptwriter, actor, musician, playwright, comedian and has a great talent, but his life has not been without controversy.

Woody Allen phrases

However, in this article we will not go into detail about his private life, but will focus on his great film success, where he has succeeded and uttered many famous phrases.

Below you can enjoy the best famous quotes and phrases from Woody Allen .

1. If we humans had two brains, we would surely do twice as much fooling around

Only Woody Allen, with his witty humor, could have signed a sentence like that.

2. The sun is bad for you. Everything our parents said was good is bad. The sun, milk, red meat, college…

Everything in excess is counterproductive. But in moderation it can be beneficial.

3. Do you want to contribute something to humanity? Tell funnier jokes

Humor and laughter bring many benefits to people.

4. I was in the living room, heard you were drowning, finished my tea and pudding and came right over

Woody Allen, they’re always his touch of humor. A real character, no doubt.

5. The brain? It’s my second favorite organ

An extract from “The Sleeper” (1973). In reference to the importance of the human brain. For Allen, it’s not the most important thing.

6. I am ugly enough and low enough to succeed on my own

He’s not an attractive guy; however, he has many qualities.

7. I hate reality, but it’s the only place you can eat a good steak

Life can have good moments and bad ones, although sometimes the bad ones predominate.

8. Gossip is the new pornography

From his work Manhattan (1979). Comparing gossip with something that has nothing to do with it: pornography.

9. I am a person of healthy life and habits. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, and I would never force myself sexually on a blind woman

A funny way of saying I wouldn’t sexually abuse anyone.

10. -My days as a Catholic ended when I turned 16.

-My days as a Catholic ended when Mom found my diaphragm

A part of the script of Alice (1990), a film directed and written by Woody Allen.

11. -Do you believe in God? -I can’t even take the leap of faith to believe in my own existence

From his work Shadows and Fog, 1991. A quote about religion.

12. -Sex without love is an empty experience. -But as an empty experience, it is one of the best

You’re absolutely right about this sentence. Although not everyone will agree.

13. Fear is my most faithful companion, it has never tricked me into leaving with another

Taking life with humour, and talking about their fears naturally.

14. My psychoanalyst warned me about your bisexuality, but you were so beautiful that I changed my psychoanalyst

An excerpt from his 1979 film Manhattan. A touch of humor that includes psychological therapy in its script.

15. -You have a problem with commitment: you didn’t know if you wanted to be a psychoanalyst or a writer.

-And I made a commitment: I became a writer and a patient. Everyone says I love you

A funny conversation about how he didn’t give up his vocation as a psychologist to become a patient.

16. -It’s my only love letter. -It’s beautiful. Most of it’s a plagiarism by James Joyce. You must have wondered what all those references to Dublin were about. Crimes and Misdemeanors

Any word that comes out of his mind has a funny ring to it.

17. The two most beautiful words in our language are not “I love you!”, but “It’s benign!”

Allen can joke about subjects as serious as cancer.

18. When I was a student, I was kicked out of school for cheating on the Metaphysics test. I looked into the soul of my classmate

A fancy way of saying he copied from his classmate.

19. . Empty sex is better than no sex, right?

From the play he directed himself, Memories, from 1980. I’ve always liked to talk about sex.

20. Penis envy? I am one of the few men who suffer from it

A quote from his movie Annie Hall. He talks about any subject in a completely natural way.

21. Of human weaknesses obsession is the most dangerous, and the most foolish

Obsession negatively affects people’s lives and can become a mental disorder.

22. A relationship is like a shark, it has to move forward or it dies. And what we are dealing with is a dead shark

Relationships can be hard and difficult. Especially when monotony takes over.

23. I keep wondering if there is life after death. And if there is, will they change a twenty dollar bill for you?

A subject as delicate as death is a joke to Woody Allen.

24. I love him like a brother: like Cain loved Abel

In other words. She’s not exactly fond of him.

25. (About the sex) I never had so much fun without laughing

At Annie Hall. And he’s right about that. One of the most pleasant things in life.

26. The truth is a great mystery, since few know it, which is why it is a joke every time you hear it

Lying is the order of the day. Few people are honest these days.

27. I can’t hear that much Wagner. I feel like invading Poland

From his 1993 work “Mysterious Murder in Manhattan”.

28. You can deduce that the message is that the only way to be happy is to believe in a beyond. And you would not be wrong. I firmly believe that life is a terrifying and unstable thing for all other mortals. The only way to survive is by deceiving yourself, people are desperate to find something to believe in

A phrase that, as hard as it may seem, may have a lot of truth in it.

29. I don’t fear death, I just wouldn’t want to be there when it happens

Everyone would agree with Woody Allen on this sentence.

30. The brain is the most overrated organ

For Woody Allen, too much value is placed on the brain.

31. How do you want me to forget you if when I start to forget you I forget and start to remember you

Disaffection is a painful stage of life, and it takes time for one to feel better.

32. Maybe the poets are right. Maybe love is the answer

Love can make us feel like we’re living on a cloud. So it can cure many ills.

33. You have to work eight hours and sleep eight hours, but not the same

Logically, it’s not the same to be awake as to be asleep. Or resting and working.

34. As a comedian, if I can get someone high to laugh, it doesn’t count, because they laugh all the time

People, when they have consumed alcohol, have a good time with little.

35. I suffered from incontinence when I was a child, and since I used to sleep with an electric blanket, I was continuously electrocuted

A few words about Woody Allen’s own childhood.

36. We fell in love. Well, I fell in love, she was just there

A declaration of love from Woody Allen. Of course, with his touch of humor.

37. Retirement is for people who have spent a lifetime hating what they did

You can enjoy your work and not feel that it is work or work to earn money and suffer every day.

38. Eighty percent of success is being there

Luck has something to do with success. However, attitude is also very important.

39. I have never seen such an attractive classical violinist. They are usually all Hungarian refugees

Making a joke about the violinist. It appears in his work: Memories.

40. Love is the most complex emotion. Human beings are unpredictable. There is no logic in their emotions. Where there is no logic there is no rational thought. And where there is no rational thought there can be a lot of romance, but a lot of suffering

Emotions, if not managed effectively, can create a lot of suffering.

41. Come on, confess one more time. It’s free

There is no cost to confession as Woody Allen claims. Mind you, he says it in an ironic way.

42. No one in my family has ever committed suicide, it was not an alternative for the middle class. My mother was too busy in the kitchen killing the taste of chicken to think about shooting herself

Low tolerance to frustration makes people depressed at the first sign of change.

43. Show business is a jungle, it’s worse than a jungle: instead of devouring each other, they stop calling each other on the phone

The problem is that show business has become a business. Therefore, it is money that dominates.

44. Some marriages end well; others last a lifetime

Nowadays, many couples separate. Divorces are on the agenda.

45. Feeling guilty is important. I feel guilty all the time and have never done anything

Actually, one shouldn’t blame oneself all the time. But for Woody Allen, this is a joke.

46. -We’re people, we’re just human beings, you know? -You think you’re God. -I have to be molded in the image of someone

A reflection that appeared in his film work: Manhattan.

47. Only art is controllable. Art and masturbation. Two fields in which I am an expert

This character is able to consider masturbation as an art.

48. All the prostitutes I talk to tell me it’s better than working as a waitress. Waiting tables must be the most fucked-up job in the world. Dismantling Harry, 1997

Seen that way, it might make some sense. But not if it comes from the mind of Woody Allen.

49. After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her. And after half an hour I had completely abandoned the idea of stealing her wallet

This sentence can only be understood if you have seen his work before: Take the money and run.

50. (Talking about going to the movies during the day) That’s great. It’s like playing hooky to life

The cinema is an ideal place to get lost and disappear, because you can get inside the film.

51. Sex relieves tension and love causes it

A quote that invites the author to deep reflection.

52 -It’s hard to believe you haven’t made love in 200 years. -204 if you consider my marriage

A few words that appeared in his play “The Sleepyhead”. A critique of marriage.

53. The strength of your thoughts and the reflection of your actions are the signature you leave on this world

A person’s attitude greatly influences the path one follows and what one achieves.

54. His transformation into a rabbi is so real that some sectors suggest sending him to Devil’s Island

A phrase taken from Zelig, one of his works. It is from 1983

55. People should mate forever like penguins or like Catholics

You don’t have to live as a couple forever. But marriage has to do with the Catholic religion.

56. The question is: have I learned anything about life? Only this: human beings are divided between mind and body. The mind embraces all noble aspirations, such as poetry and philosophy, but the body takes all the fun out of it.

Fun seems to be one of Woody Allen’s core values.

57. You use sex to express any emotion except love

Sex can be related to love, or it can be just sex.

58. I don’t know anything about suicides. Where I come from, in Brooklyn, nobody kills themselves. People are too unhappy

An ironic phrase that speaks of suicide and unhappiness.

59. In politics, I’m inclined towards an honest democracy. And I also believe that the American system can work

Woody Allen explains his political thoughts in this sentence.

60. I don’t want to get married, I just want to get a divorce

For some people, life as a couple becomes impossible.

61. People want a fictional life and fictional characters want a real life

There are many people who want to live a movie. Their own movie.

62. The difference between death and sex is that death is something you can do on your own and without anyone laughing after you

A curious, far-fetched and funny comparison between death and sex.

63. To you, I’m an atheist. For God, the faithful opposition

Making it clear where you stand on religion.

64. When I was a child I wanted to have a dog, but my parents were poor and could only buy me an ant

An absurd date, but one that has its touch of grace.

65. My grandmother never gave gifts. She was too busy being raped by the Cossacks

These words may clash, but they appear in his work Annie Hall (1977).

66. I haven’t seen my analyst in 200 years. He was a strict Freudian and if I had seen him in all this time I would be almost cured now

Meaning he has a mental disorder and has not gone to psychological therapy to overcome it.

67. The last time I was inside a woman was visiting the Statue of Liberty

In reference to the fact that he hasn’t had sex in a long time.

68. There’s an old joke: two older women are in a high mountain hotel and one says, “Wow, the food here is really terrible,” and the other replies, “And the rations are very small too! Well, that’s basically how life seems to me, full of loneliness, hysteria, suffering, sadness, and yet it ends too quickly.

A joke used by Woody Allen to exemplify his vision of life.

69. Honey, you’re the one who wanted to stop sleeping with me. On April 20th, a year ago. I remember the day because it’s Hitler’s birthday

An ingenious phrase that was pronounced in “Crimes and Misdemeanors” (1989)

70. My ex-husband and I were love at first sight. I should have taken another look

From his film Crimes and Misdemeanours, a great film in which seriousness and humour reach a deep balance.

71. I admit I was a lucky fool. If I had not been born in Brooklyn and had done it in Poland or Berlin, I would be a lamp today

From his work Memories, which is shot in New Jersey, and is Woody Allen’s tenth feature film.

72. I don’t want to move to a city whose only cultural advantage is being able to turn right at a red light

Showed up at Annie Hall. Possibly one of the best romantic love movies ever made.

73. -I don’t know, maybe a little too much masturbation on your part. -Hey, don’t mess with my hobbies!

An ingenious answer, which appears in his film “Hannah and Her Sisters”.

74. Don’t mess with masturbation. It’s having sex with someone I love

Like the previous date. Woody Allen openly defends masturbation.

75. I have an interesting case. I’m treating two pairs of Siamese twins with multiple personalities. I get paid eight people

From Zelig, one of his comedies with great psychological content.

76 -What does it feel like to be dead for 200 years? -It’s like spending a weekend in New York

The Sleeper, 1973

77. Why do I not stop destroying my life looking for answers that I will never find, and dedicate myself to enjoying it while it lasts?

Sometimes people can take pleasure in their problems.

78. I grew up in the Israelite confession, but as I became an adult I converted to narcissism

A scene from his film “Scoop”, released in 2006.

79. All men are mortal. Socrates was mortal. Therefore, all men are Socrates. This means that all men are homosexuals

Kind of a weird relationship. Only possible from the mind of Woody Allen.

80. More than at any other time in history, humanity is at a crossroads. One path leads to absolute despair. The other, to total extinction. May God grant us the wisdom to choose correctly

Human beings can be our own worst enemies.

81. He’s a great kid and a great doctor. He’s never lost a patient. He got two of them pregnant, but he never lost one

A story that is part of one of his films. Specifically, “the sex comedy of a summer night”.

82. You know what my philosophy is? That it is important to have a good time, but you also have to suffer a little, because, otherwise, you don’t grasp the meaning of life

Living in the present is the philosophy of Woody Allen and those who want to be happy.

83. It’s not bad that your father and I disagree, that’s what democracy is. He defends the right wing of the Republican Party and I think you have to be crazy to do that

A quote on politics taken from his feature film “Midnight in Paris”, which was released in 2011.