“What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.”

-Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 – 1900) – The decline of the idols

How do we deal with difficult events and adverse circumstances that change our lives? The death of a loved one, the loss of a job, a serious illness, a terrorist attack, a natural disaster or other traumatic events: these are all examples of difficult experiences that anyone can have at some point. Most people react in these situations with strong emotions and uncertainty, although they are usually able to adapt to these stressful conditions. What enables them to do so?

Resilience is the capacity that is involved in this process, a continuous process that requires time and effort and allows people to cope with these challenging situations step by step.

You may be interested in: “The 10 typical habits of resilient people”

Below you can find ideas for understanding the concept of resilience and some indications on how to develop it and improve it.

What is resilience?

Resilience is the process by which we adapt to adversity, traumatic events , tragedies, various threats or significant sources of stress, such as family or relationship problems, serious health problems or financial and work-related stress. It means recovering or re-establishing oneself after a difficult experience.

Studies show that resilience is common; it is not an extraordinary skill. People typically demonstrate resilience throughout their lives; examples include people seeking employment again after being laid off by their former employers, families rebuilding their homes after a fire, or family members of victims of a terrorist attack who make the effort to move on with their lives despite the loss of a loved one.

The ability to overcome a loss situation

You could say that resilience is the wholeness beyond resistance. It is the ability to overcome an adverse stimulus. Resilience involves maintaining flexibility and balance in life as one faces difficult circumstances and traumatic events.

Being resilient does not mean that the person does not experience difficulties or psychological stress. Emotional pain and sadness are common emotions among people who have experienced great adversity or traumatic times in their lives. In fact, the road to resilience is not easy, and is probably filled with obstacles and situations of instability that can affect our emotional state.

It is important to know that resilience is not a trait that people have or do not have, but a concept that includes a series of behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learned and progressively developed by anyone who sets out to do so . The resilient being is not an extraordinary being: this capacity is in every person. The task is to develop this capacity with attitude and firmness.

10 Ways to Build Resilience

Building capacity to create resilience is a personal project. Not all people react in the same way to traumatic or stressful situations. One approach to building resilience may work for one person but not for another, so different strategies can be used to promote good coping .

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Some of these variations often reflect cultural differences. Culture can have an impact on how a person communicates his or her feelings and how he or she deals with adversity. An example of this is the different conceptions that exist of death in various cultures; while for most western countries death is represented as the end of all good, is seen as an extremely negative event and is often a taboo subject, for easterners it constitutes the step towards regeneration and reaffirmation of the ancestral values that formed their community.

The key is to identify which tips can work for us and how they can be part of our own personal strategy to improve it. Below you can find ten strategies that will help you build resilience on your own .

1.Establishes supportive relationships within and outside the family

It is important to build good relationships with close relatives, friends and other important people in our lives . Accepting help and support from people who love and listen to us helps to provide role models and offer encouragement and security. Some people find that being active in community groups, community-based organizations, and other local groups can provide social support and help them to have hope.

2.Avoid seeing crises as insurmountable obstacles

You cannot prevent events that produce stress from occurring, but you can change the way you interpret and react to them . Try to look beyond the present and think that in the future things will get better. See if there are any subtle ways to feel better while dealing with difficult situations.

3.Accept that change is part of life

You may not be able to achieve certain goals as a result of an adverse situation. Accepting circumstances that cannot be changed can help you focus on circumstances that can be improved.

4.Head for your goals

Develop your ability to make realistic plans and take the necessary steps to carry them out. Always act to get closer to your goals, even if they seem like small achievements. Instead of focusing on tasks that don’t seem achievable, ask yourself about things you can improve today that will help you walk in the direction you want to go.

5.Take decisive action

In adverse situations, taking decisive action is better than ignoring problems and tensions and wishing them away. Don’t be afraid to reflect on the situation in front of you and, the moment you think you have reached a conclusion, pull forward.

6.Look for opportunities to discover yourself

Many times, as a result of a struggle against adversity, people can learn something about themselves and feel that they have grown in some way on a personal level . Many people who have experienced tragedies and difficult situations, have expressed improvement in the management of their personal relationships, an increase in personal strength even when they feel vulnerable, the feeling that their self-esteem has improved, a more developed spirituality and a greater appreciation of life.

7.Improve your communication and problem-solving skills

The more we develop these capacities, the better we will know how to resolve our interpersonal conflicts and the less stressful the burden will be on our person . It is also important to know how to handle strong feelings and impulses, to allow oneself to experience them and also to recognise when one has to avoid them in order to continue to function.

8.Cultivate a positive view of yourself

No one is perfect, each of us has strengths and areas for improvement. It is important to accept and love ourselves as we are, trust our strengths and abilities and try to improve our capabilities as much as possible.

9.Never lose hope

When we are optimistic in spite of the problems we will be more able to expect good things to happen in life. Try to visualize what you want to achieve instead of worrying excessively about what you fear will happen or what might have been and wasn’t. Even when you are faced with very painful events that cause you great discomfort, try to consider the situation that is causing you stress in a broader context, and keep a long-term perspective .

10.Take care of yourself

You need to pay attention to the immaterial and to yourself: for example, you need to think about your needs and desires. Be interested in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing.Exercise regularly, it is beneficial for both your physical and psychological health. Mens sana in corpore sano . Taking care of yourself helps to keep mind and body in good shape and ready to face situations that require resilience .

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Other ways to promote your inner strength

Some additional ways to build resilience may be helpful. For example, I suggest that you try writing about your deepest thoughts, emotions and feelings related to the traumatic experience or other stressful events in your life that cause you discomfort and distress today.

Meditation and some spiritual practices such as yoga or mindfulness can also help some people establish positive relationships, improve their quality of life, and look to the future with a better perspective.

Some questions to ask yourself

Focusing on positive past experiences, developing positive moods and improving sources of personal strength are factors that can help you decisively to identify personal qualities and know the strategies that work for you when it comes to developing resilience.

Questions for self-examination

With this little exercise in self-exploration by answering the following questions about yourself and your reactions to challenges in your life you will be able to discover how to respond effectively to difficult events.

  • What types of events have you found most difficult?
  • How have these events affected you psychologically?
  • When you find yourself stressed or hopeless, has thinking about your loved ones helped?
  • When you are faced with a problematic and difficult experience, who have you turned to for help?
  • What have you been able to learn about yourself and your relationship with others when you have been through difficult circumstances?
  • Has it helped you to provide emotional support to others who are going through a similar situation?
  • Have you been able to overcome the obstacles that have come up in your life? And if so, how have you managed to do so?
  • What is the main engine that you consider has helped you the most to move forward?

I hope this article has been helpful to you in getting to know yourself better and discovering your capacity for resilience, and developing it throughout your life .