10 signs to know if you are living authentic love

10 signs to know if you are living authentic love

Feeling true love for someone and being loved back is possibly one of the best experiences people can have.

Having that special someone by your side every day, living unforgettable moments and knowing that the person you love is going to be there for you in good times and bad is priceless. Whoever has experienced it, will know that he has lived the happiest moments with his faithful companion .

Different types of love

Authentic love could be considered the purest and noblest love , although it does not always manifest itself in a love relationship. We often confuse authentic love with passion or infatuation. The first is that love which is based on trust and respect, on the purest friendship; and these characteristics do not have to be given, for example, in passionate love, because, as the saying goes, “authentic love is a friendship with erotic moments”. Authentic love is a love that allows us to be free and accept our partner as he is, it has to be worked on, and it has to do with the person’s values.

Some theorists have tried to address this concept, which is actually complex, in order to make a classification of the different types of love. One of the best known is Sternberg, the author of the Triangular Theory of Love. His theory states that there are three elements that interact with each other to form one type of love or another: intimacy, passion and commitment. For example, love with intimacy and commitment is sociable love. In addition to this, and according to Sternberg’s theory, there are other types of love: affection, romantic love, infatuation, fatuous love or empty love.

  • You can learn more about the different types of love in our article: “Sternberg’s triangular theory of love”

Signs of authentic love

However, in addition to this classification, other authors talk about true or authentic love , which is a type of love that has a number of characteristics that you can find below. The signs of true love are:

1. It is a mature love

For love to be authentic, not only does it need intensity , but both people must behave like adults and must help and do their part to keep the relationship going together. For love to be mature, it is necessary that some characteristics be fulfilled, such as good communication and the understanding that the other member of the couple also has feelings.

Mature love is based on the idea that this kind of love has to be worked on and things don’t happen by themselves. Two people can be very attracted to each other, yet not be able to control their emotions. The result is often misunderstandings and overly passionate behavior that can lead to deterioration of the relationship.

2. It is rational and realistic

The fact is that mature and authentic love is also a rational and realistic love, in which the person is aware of what he or she is experiencing and not only feels but also thinks.

Rational love knows that people are not perfect and that the relationship can go through ups and downs . The real problem is not the ups and downs themselves, but how they are solved. Rational love does not feed on feeling alone, nor is it pure impulse. In other words, it is a sensible love.

3. It is based on friendship

Authentic love is not the result of simple attraction, but there is something in it that makes you really care about the other person , that you feel close to them, that they are your friend. You share good moments with your partner, you enjoy his or her presence, you learn new things with him or her and he or she is better than any friend you may have. He or she is, without a doubt, your best friend.

4. There is commitment

Commitment is key in relationships and authentic love . This type of love is characteristic of individuals who are prepared for a relationship and have a clear vision of stability. Commitment is not binding, but is the desire to be with that person over time.

5. Common projects

The commitment helps to create common projects and to visualize a shared future with that special person. If the love is not true, it is difficult for the two members of the couple to make plans together beyond the present, for example, to move in together.

6. Negotiated

Authentic love is based on negotiation and dialogue , because each member of the couple does his or her part to understand the needs of the other person and, moreover, understands that the relationship is a two-way street. Authentic love is altruistic and works because it is a mature love, in which communication is a basic pillar of the relationship.

7. Is unconditional and respects the other person

And, therefore, is a love that is based on respect . It is unconditional, and when things go wrong, you try to solve them instead of looking the other way. That is why you negotiate and come up with alternatives to solve problems.

8. Does not make you suffer

If you are in a relationship that makes you suffer, then it is not true love . In true love the relationship is symmetrical: one day you give and the next day the other partner gives. There may be misunderstandings, but the good times far outweigh the bad times.

9. It is free

It is free in the sense that there are no ties . The person does not pressure the other person or force or subject them with a manipulative attitude. Love flows because both members are comfortable with what they have and what they think. They respect and love each other.

10. Each member behaves as he/she is

For two people to love each other in an authentic way they must first love themselves . Authentic love is born from one’s love for oneself. We can hardly love other people if we do not love ourselves as we are. If the relationship with ourselves is bad, as a result, we will be dependent on our partner. That is not authentic love.

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