“Come on, hurry up, we’re not going to make it, come on! “, “you still haven’t finished your snack, what are you waiting for?”, “wait, your brother is crying”, “I’ll be right there honey, mommy is with you in 10 minutes, I’m coming, wait,…, I can’t take it all, vooooo, what do you want to play, why don’t you want to play with me? But I’m not angry.

Children get soaked with the energy we transmit and end up imitating our emotional responses. Our children do not live in the world of haste like we do, nor do they feel overwhelmed by an excess of responsibilities. However, they give similar responses of nervousness or restlessness, because they mimic our emotional states.
We infect them with our moods and stress, and then we are surprised when they have tantrums, become irritable or more disobedient.

As adults we get angry and do not understand why in the worst moments children disobey even more . Perhaps we are provoking it ourselves without realizing it. For this great reason harmony in the home begins with our own serenity.

Achieving harmony in a home with children

The answer is simpler than you might expect. Creating habits and routines.

Nature has a seasonal rhythm, and people also have a seasonal rhythm with sleep-wake cycles. Children who live in a habit-forming environment are calmer , because they are sure of what is coming next.

However, in homes where the parents do not maintain certain routines, the children are expectant, they accelerate and they do not manage to flow harmoniously.

How can I do that?

Here are several keys to achieving a harmonious environment in your own home :

1. Make the activities in your home predictable

With young children it is better to warn them of what is going to happen, always using the same “early warning signs”.

For example, if it is time to wash our hands for lunch, we can always sing the same song that indicates we are going to. After the song and the hygiene, they will associate that it is time to sit down to eat . After several sequences, just by hearing the song the children will know what time it is and what is expected of them.

Although it seems to us as parents that it is always the same, it is good for children to live in an environment where you know what is going to happen; their restlessness goes down and there is a certain harmony. When children learn these rhythms, the unexpected diminishes, there are fewer disputes, bonds are strengthened and there is more choice and even time for play.

If routines are altered , tension will appear and haste will boycott harmony. For example, if they call us on the phone, call back at another time, if the children want to extend the time at the park, know how to say politely that it is time to go and prepare dinner. Although these guidelines may seem rigid, they will help us to avoid shouting, anger and disputes.

2. Respect the rhythms and hours of sleep

Children between 6 and 12 years old need to sleep, according to the WHO ,ten and twelve hours a day. Those children who sleep the time that corresponds to their age have better academic performance and score more in intelligence. In addition, sleep stimulates the growth hormone and helps the child’s metabolism, memory and concentration.

At Psicode, we meet parents who come with the demand to lessen their children’s bad behavior. In some cases, as the child’s sleep is regulated, he rests more and has an environment of routines, the results observed are surprising .

Many times the guilt parents feel for sending them to bed early and not having time to be with them is the reason for putting off bedtime. However, then those extra minutes make the tiredness the next day break the harmony at home.

We invite you to try it out, to bring forward your little ones’ bedtime by one hour. You will be surprised not only how much your relationship with them improves , but also with your partners.

3. Teach gratitude

Teach them the habit of being grateful, kind and practiced by the whole family . Let them observe how asking for things please, or giving thanks helps to generate more harmony in the environment.

Being grateful, even internally with the little things that happen to us, will help them to be more optimistic, happier children who are able to look for challenges and possibilities where others only see problems.

We propose, as an activity, that before going to sleep, we give thanks for several things. We can do this with questions like: “Why was it a lucky day for you”, “what good things happened to you today”, “why would you say thank you today”.

4. Teaches how to listen to silence

In the society we live in, with the access to the Internet, we are constantly over-stimulated. Children experience a bombardment of stimuli that make them intolerant of silence . They are constantly searching for that frenetic rhythm to which they are accustomed, asking questions continuously, turning on the television, having “reckless” thoughts that later turn into mental ruminations.

From time to time, you can go into silence. It’s a gateway to serenity. Another way to find harmony.

We advise helping the children to pick themselves up. If we see that they are quiet or thoughtful, respect that moment without interrupting them with questions or instructions. Also we can play to be silent for 5 minutes and enjoy the sounds of the environment (especially in nature).

Enjoying the silence we get serenity in our home

If you feel that your home lacks harmony and you do not know how to handle conflicts with your children or your partner, do not hesitate to ask for advice at the Instituto de Psicología Psicode de Madrid (Tel: 910000209).