Many times, we get used to living our emotional relationships as if they were something given to us by life, as a kind of gift that we just accept and experience without thinking too much about what we do. This idea can be very poetic, but in the long run, it exposes us to risks. In particular, makes us not question certain ideas about what it is to love and be loved .

If we believe that opportunities to start a relationship arise spontaneously in our path, we lose sight of all those habits and customs that bring us closer to living love in a certain way, and not in another. And, when all those decisions and behavioural tendencies that we are not aware of bring us closer to having only toxic and unsatisfactory relationships , things become much more serious.

The worst thing about going through a bad romance is not always the experience itself, but the fact that you have not learned any lessons from it.

Ways of thinking that lead to falling into toxic relationships over and over again

As much as in love some things are obvious to us, we would save ourselves several problems if we realized that many of the beliefs we have about relationships are simply prejudices and irrational beliefs .

Some of these unfounded ideas are relatively harmless, but others lead us to stumble over the same stone again and again, without us even being aware that we have a predisposition to fall into that kind of error in our sentimental life.

Here are some of those ways of thinking that predispose us to engage in toxic relationships , and what makes them so harmful.

1. The belief of the better half

Romantic love, understood as a relationship in which two people are united in an inseparable way to form one body, is one of the most harmful beliefs that exist. The reason is that it favours the appearance of interdependence and the obsession for the control of the other , on the one hand, and the lack of time to be alone with oneself, on the other.

In the long run, the level of discomfort and stress caused by these types of engagements and marriages make the situation untenable.

2. Commitment is scary

Relationships can be exciting, but some people are very afraid of one of the facets of relationships: commitment. So, when they go out with someone, they try to live “normal lives”, to stay in their comfort zone and to continue to behave unilaterally, albeit in a relationship. This, in practice, means that there are no commitments, or that there are very few , and that each person makes his or her own life as a single person at all times except at certain moments.

Thus, from this habit the couple is something that appears and disappears at convenience. It may seem to be a free affective choice, but in reality it is a direct route to fears, insecurities and paranoia. A relationship, by the fact of being one, must be built on certain commitments; however, it is its members who decide what enters into the pact and what remains outside.

3. One party decides, the other party does

The fact that some relationships are made up of very different people means that sometimes one will be passive and the other will take a more active role. Over time, this can become a dynamic in which one always decides about those small day-to-day choices.

Although at first it may seem a harmless tendency, this habit usually leads to the decision maker getting fed up , since he is the one who perceives most that the relationship is not symmetrical. In fact, the situation can be interpreted as a symptom of lack of commitment and interest in spending time together.

4. When in doubt, apologize

There are those who enter the world of love with feet of lead, with great fear of making the loved one uncomfortable . This makes one accept, in ambiguous situations in which one senses dissatisfaction or anger, that one is simply to blame, which leads to asking for forgiveness. But this is a mistake.

Ensuring symmetry is something necessary to avoid living in a toxic relationship, and for this you must know how to create a constant flow of communication, that both parties know what is happening, so before asking for forgiveness, you must ensure that there really are reasons for it, and that they are understood.