For some time now, I have been trying to become more aware of the impermanence present in everyday life. I have observed that, although intellectually we know that things change, we don’t really perceive that it is like that in everyday life, unless it is very evident changes or we decide to pay conscious attention.

We have this idea of continuity, solidity and permanence of things, situations and people in our lives.

The Illusion of Change Denial

If we recognize that at some point they will change or leave, we do so with the future in mind, not now. If things are going well for us now, that future vision of change may scare us, because we don’t want to lose what we have . If these are not pleasant moments, there may be a mixture of longing for transformation and fear that they will remain the same.

In fact, in difficult times, we often think that our painful emotions and thoughts will never end. But, nevertheless, are the moments of greatest transformation .

However, the resistance and ideas we have about change contribute to our feeling of living a crisis when the difficulties arrive, to prolong and intensify the pain and to cause us unnecessary suffering. Many times fear can paralyze us despite knowing what life requires of us at any given time.

We put off again and again the actions needed to flow with change , because we don’t tolerate the uncertainty of not knowing exactly where we are going. Or we rush into action without measuring the consequences. It requires trust in the wisdom within and of life itself.

Recognizing the impermanence of things transforms how we live

We begin to live day by day as if it were our last because we understand the finiteness of life. We value the people we have by our side, we share that skill or talent we have today, we stop putting off greeting someone who has interested us.

We take the time to watch a sunset, because it’s never the same. We stop identifying so much with the mental stories and emotions of the moment, even with our roles and identities as they are also not fixed and unchangeable. We begin to love each other unconditionally, not as things go. We begin to love each other in good times and bad and to love others too, in their impermanence.

Beliefs that keep us from adapting to change

Living with true well-being implies knowing how to embrace change and the uncertainty inherent in being alive. The beliefs we have about how life should be and how things should go influence to a great extent the way we face change, but we are not usually very aware of them, until the time comes that tests us. Here are some beliefs.

1. Believe that our expectations and wishes should always be fulfilled.

It implies believing that life should always be pleasant and that things should always go well for us, according to the plan of life we have. It is seeking constant security and forgetting the suffering and uncertainty that comes with life. When we think like this, we feel angry with people, life, the universe, and even with a higher power for not fulfilling our expectations . We believe that it is unfair and that, if others love us, including God, they should please our desires. We try to deal with the situation by blaming that higher power, life, or someone else.

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This belief also affects impatience. It is expecting immediate gratification of efforts, wanting to see expected changes already made and not tolerating frustration. It is not wanting to go through the transformation process or do it quickly, but getting results. As Maya Angelou said, “We marvel at the beauty of the butterfly, but we rarely admit the changes it went through to become what it is.

2. Tendency to think that change is negative and painful

That’s how often we anticipate the worst. Believing that change or what is to come is negative, especially if we like the way things are at the moment, makes uncertainty painful .

While certainly not all change is pleasant, the resistance we put up and the meaning we give to the experience makes it more difficult to face and more painful. For example, thinking that aging is negative hinders coping with age with dignity and **may lead people to want to avoid it by damaging their health **and appearance through the excessive use of cosmetic procedures.

Similarly, this belief forgets that life is a friend of the human being and that, although we often do not understand the meaning of certain events for the moment, life experiences are like treasures that hold the opportunity for inner growth and transformation. No matter how adverse the experience, if we are willing, we will be able to extract valuable lessons in order to continue our path of life with greater openness.

3. Cheating and pretending that changes are not happening.

It’s a refusal to see reality. Sometimes there are things that have already completed a cycle in our life . It may be a relationship, a way of doing things that has become obsolete, a business, or an unhealthy lifestyle.

However, we can resist and drag the pain, maintaining the illusion that what has already been overcome will improve, expecting different results from the same actions or avoiding confronting the truth by succumbing to the constant distractions of modern life. It is important to recognize when it is time to let go of something that no longer works in our lives and take different actions.

It is also unrealistic to wish or believe that the people, situations and things around us do not change, that they will always be there or be the same over time . Thinking about the people we love and who are part of our lives, resisting change can diminish our ability to be with them in the difficult changes they experience.

Accidents and illnesses can change the appearance and affect mental and physical abilities in our loved ones. Can we continue to love and support them in the impermanence of these things? Can we continue to love ourselves if we are the ones experiencing these changes?

Finally, another way to fool ourselves is to believe that change is in the future and not now. We tend to think that we are going to die one day, not that this can happen at any time . This prevents us from enjoying each day as if it were our last, appreciating the present moment whether it is pleasant or unpleasant and being grateful for absolutely everything we have today without taking anything for granted.

4. To believe that you always have to know where you are going in order to take action.

While there are changes we make by choice, having a direction and reason in mind why we do so, there are others, which are slowly unfolding in our lives without even asking for them. For example, finding that one day the profession you chose is not what you thought it would be or that it no longer makes you happy as it once did. Surely you would have liked not to reach that turning point when circumstances and your feelings ask you to take a new direction, even more so when you have no idea what else to do… or if you do, you don’t know what is around the corner or what the result will be.

Sometimes, you have to go through a period of discovery of what follows , in which you take steps from your intuition, but you don’t know where they lead you exactly.

When we don’t know how to deal with uncertainty, we make life transitions more difficult. How do you speed up the process, how do you force yourself to know what is not yet in you to know? We climb the mountain perhaps having an idea of what we might find, but we can never be completely sure.

We would love to know how our life will develop step by step, we want to be prepared . But it is a relief that this is not the case, as we would miss out on much of the magic that life has to offer and that is found in the unknown territories. In the not knowing are the surprises, and many of them can open doors to destinations you never imagined possible.

5. Believe that worth is dependent on what we do and have

It is the idea that the presence of certain things in our life defines or determines personal worth . These things are usually external such as the presence of a socially appreciated physical appearance, good income, a good job, prestige, power, etc. It is not surprising that when these things change either for a short or indefinite period of time a person feels that they are no longer valuable and that it is difficult for them to manage the change.

This belief then forgets to recognize the unconditional and inherent value of human beings. Worthiness is not comparable, nor is it competed for. Courage does not have to be earned or proven because it already exists in us and does not depend on external factors. To continue to nurture this belief is to live with an unstable sense of worth that varies according to the presence or absence of these things and that diminishes the ability to flow with change.