In a fluid and changing world, increasingly individualistic and where interpersonal relationships tend to be more and more superficial, maintaining a stable relationship over time is a task that can be difficult for a large number of people.
Determining whether a couple is going to stay in time can be highly complex, although some aspects may allow us to predict in part where the relationship is heading. Therefore, we offer you a series of 5 keys to know if a relationship is going to last .
How to know if a relationship will last
It is difficult to establish whether a couple will last or not and how long, taking into account that each person thinks, feels and acts differently and has different needs and conceptions of what it means to be a couple. However, as a general rule we can identify some aspects that make a relationship tend to last . Five of them are the following.
1. Relationships of equality, respect and empathy
An essential element for a couple to last and maintain a healthy relationship is for both parties to maintain a relatively equal relationship. That is, that both components strive, negotiate and know how to find a balance between the needs and satisfactions of themselves and their loved ones. There should be give and take, give and take. Respect and be respected , that what each person wants is contemplated and truly taken into account is one of the basic pillars of a good couple’s relationship.
For the survival of a relationship it is necessary to take into account how the other feels based on what we know about him/her and what emotions and thoughts he/she may experience according to what happens or what we do, even if these issues are not directly expressed. It is about taking the other into account.
The existence of positions of superiority and inferiority in a relationship makes one of the parties feel aggrieved and undervalued , weakening the bond between the members of the couple. The fact that one person does everything for the other while the second one does not contribute anything, or that one of them always has to give in to the other’s pretensions, causes unhealthy relationships that in the long run will end up breaking up, or causing a lot of suffering in the case of maintaining them due to some kind of dependency.
2. Together, but independent
In many films and novels we can see or hear the phrase “We are one”. While this phrase is beautiful in the sense that it reflects a feeling of unity with one’s partner, taking it to the extreme is highly detrimental. The people who make up a couple do not cease to be independent beings with their own lives. While spending time together is also essential for the couple as such, it is necessary to maintain the individuality of each of its components.
Doing activities separately allows the world not to be limited to a single relationship , in addition to the fact that sharing what each one lives separately is an enriching element that helps to strengthen and introduce new things into the relationship.
Otherwise, patterns of behavior and even thinking can be established that promote a relationship of dependency, which can lead to serious problems when there are conflicts or even if one of the members decides to end the relationship.
3. Basic characteristics or values are shared
In the study of affective and romantic relationships, one of the most discussed points is whether it is better predictor of marital happiness to have similar traits or whether it is better for there to be big differences. Although it cannot be applied to all cases, the conclusion of this debate and of various investigations related to this topic reflects that although it is true that characteristics that are very different from one’s own may be attractive at first, in general those couples that have elements in common tend to last longer.
It is not a question of being identical or having the same personality, but of sharing some elements such as the expectations regarding what their union means, the level of interest in the other or vital expectations and being able to make compatible the characteristics that differentiate us. Personality traits that are opposed to each other , for example, tend (we repeat that this is a generalization, there are cases in which the opposite happens) to end up destabilizing and wearing out the relationship.
4. Spending time and effort
A healthy couple’s relationship requires that each person has his/her own space, but it is necessary to keep in mind that the couple is not an accessory in our life either. It is necessary to dedicate time to it so that it works correctly.
Spending time together, experiencing new things, laughing and enjoying each other’s humor and company, talking and communicating, having sex and ultimately doing things together and counting on each other is necessary for our relationship to last.
If, on the contrary, the person chooses to avoid contact , he or she will feel unimportant and unvalued, wearing out the relationship and having a poor prognosis.
5. Fluid communication exists
One of the basic pillars of any couple’s relationship (and even in other types of relationships) is communication. But this should not be understood by talking a lot, but by expressing our doubts, fears, thoughts, beliefs and deep emotions. Communicating how we feel or what we think helps the other person to participate in our life, while making them feel valued and trustworthy. Likewise, the couple can help to adopt different points of view or motivate us to act in a certain way, overcome problems or simply enrich our own lives while helping us to understand each other better, strengthening the relationship.
Making the other feel supported and valued, worthy of trust, is fundamental. However, there is one aspect to bear in mind: Communicating is not just about telling us what is good. The existence of conflicts is something normal and even healthy in a couple, given that they are communicating the presence of elements that make one of their parts not feel completely well. In fact, many couples end up breaking up because they have not communicated harmful aspects of the relationship in time. However, this communication must be carried out with respect for the feelings of the other and trying to put themselves in their place.