Given the emotional complexity of human beings, it is often difficult to discern what kind of interpersonal relationships become empowering for one’s own well-being or lead to harmful consequences. Thus, in an analogous way to any individual psychological process, in the relationships that are maintained with the people in the environment , emotional aspects converge with others of a more rational type when it comes to evaluating these interactions.

These evaluations, reflections or judgments emitted on the experiences we share with other individuals are fundamental because they guide our own social behavior, for which reason it seems decisive that both factors (the emotional and the rational) are certainly balanced, without one of them dominating the other. This can be especially complicated in the face of some of the so-called toxic personal functioning profiles , personality forms that easily generate discomfort . Let us see below what aspects characterise them and how we can identify them.

Personal profiles that produce psychological distress

Since Stamateas published “Gente Tóxica” almost a decade ago, as well as other later works on similar subjects, this term has become significantly popular.

According to the author, toxic people are those who present a high volume of negative emotional charges, a wide range of frustrations and a tendency to emit destructive criticism in the form of personal attacks on those around them. This pernicious functional style is capable of adversely influencing the latter since they can cause the appearance of insecurities or emotional weaknesses , restlessness and significant psychological discomfort.

For this reason it seems indispensable to learn to distance oneself psychologically from this type of collective, with the aim of preserving one’s own emotional well-being.

1. The critical profile

This type of individual is characterized by a profile that tends to make constant recriminations in order to exercise control over the other person . Through a functioning based on the criticism of others together with an absence of self-critical capacity, they tend to consider themselves perfect beings who generate doubts and insecurities in those around them. They usually resort to confrontation and offense to make the other feel inferior. This reflects an intense feeling of inner anger whose channeling is carried out in this pernicious way.

This psychological style is associated with impulsive and irrational cognitive functioning, so that when dealing with them, the oppositionist confrontation issued without prior reflection is not very effective . In this way, all of this may result in the person receiving the criticism ending up developing the same aggressive functioning that the first one presents. Instead, both the use of a sense of humour, subtle irony and ingenious responses that disconcert the critical interlocutor seem to give better results. Also, following the principles of assertive behavior, a reflected, firm and rational questioning of the messages that this person tries to transmit to his “victim” may help to maintain a certain distance between both parties.

A variant within this same group is identified with the “envious type profile”. Like the critical style, it is focused on making disparaging judgments about the achievements of others rather than on achieving their own goals. They usually give greater relevance to material issues as sources of happiness and well-being and hide, in many cases, personalities with low self-esteem and high insecurities.

2. The guilt expert

Few aspects distance human beings more from the fulfilment of their objectives and vital goals than the feeling of guilt. This emotion becomes the main method to block and emotionally paralyze one’s self-worth and motivation to achieve one’s projects.

Guilt, unfortunately, has a significant function in our psyche that makes it more complex to overcome: it is an efficient defense mechanism that serves as an explanation when a goal is not achieved due to a lack of effort or energy investment in it. Thus, it seems more comfortable to blame other factors (or people) outside oneself or it can also be an easy resource to blame oneself for the causes that have led to the “non-success” proposed.

One aspect that should be taken into account is that does not fall into the error of equating the concept of “non-success” with that of failure . In this sense, people who present a profile tending to blame are governed by an irrationally rigid, inflexible and absolutist functioning. Thus, for them, not having totally covered their previous expectations can be understood as a failure, instead of a partial success. Therefore, a very relevant point to be analyzed in this psychological attitudinal style seems to be related to the type of expectations that the individual himself has. These must be realistic rather than overly self-demanding; this is one of the central elements that can trigger the alarm to determine whether the person in front of you is exhibiting this maladaptive behavioural style.

3. The Psychopathic Manipulator

Faced with their inability to live in society in an adaptive way, these subjects act in their own interest and understand other people as mere instruments to achieve their own objectives . This toxic profile in its most extreme expression, psychopathy, violates the rights of others and commits criminal acts without any kind of remorse. Even so, there are different degrees in the intensity of the characteristics that this type of individual presents, so, fleeing from the false belief that the psychopathic profile should be associated with that of a serial killer, this type of person may find themselves in the social environment more often than expected.

Manipulators seem incapable of possessing the capacity to understand and empathize with others. They present an immature, irresponsible and egocentric functioning by which they feel easily offended by the acts of others and respond to it in an impulsive and irate way, without hesitating to deceive the other person in order to achieve what they intend. Externally they show a profile of excessive confidence and self-love, devaluing others and showing themselves incapable of accepting their own mistakes or performing any act of self-criticism. Before this group of people, the most effective option of confrontation becomes the physical and emotional distance, since they present a great capacity of superficial charm and loquacity with which they usually manage to convince their “victims”.

4. The Complaint-Conformist

Its most central feature is the fear of change and a low tolerance to uncertainty , so their philosophy of life tends to be oriented to monotony, routine and lacks aspirations and dreams to be fulfilled. The latter leads them to adopt a passive behavior in which they do not involve themselves or do not invest enough effort to achieve what really satisfies them.

His style of reasoning is strongly associated with “the short term”, immediate reward and comfort. Thus, everything that implies new alternative approaches (more emotionally costly or simply different) is valued as dangerous or unassumable.

The result of all this is usually to achieve the same mediocre results and to resort to constant complaint about not having achieved the purpose they really want. In this case there is also an absence of self-responsibility when it comes to setting life goals and an excess of blame for other factors external to the person himself as the cause of the outcome of his actions and decisions.

  • You might be interested in, “What is the locus of control?”

5. The Neurotic Style

These types of personalities tend to suffer a significant intensity and frequency of anxiety symptoms derived from the constant worries they generate for all sorts of everyday issues. In turn, their irrational and distorted belief system firmly believes in the need to be loved and accepted by everyone else, without exception. For this reason, they require permanent recognition from others and usually set unrealistic and perfectionist goals that are impossible to achieve.

They also use the methodology of the expert in blaming when they do not get what they want, greatly increasing their insecurities, their cognitive rigidity through the emission of extreme reasoning and their general inhibition when it comes to actively facing adversities. The latter also serves as reinforced behaviour since the expression of complaint and passivity in the face of circumstances allows them to receive the attention of the people around them, adopting a victimistic role.

Before a person of this style it is necessary to mark assertively some limits in order to interrupt the vicious circle of the insane worries that continuously transmit to the others, as well as the desire of control and the obtaining of their exclusive attention.

By way of conclusion

From what has been said, it seems that there are various ingredients that contribute on an emotional level to the achievement of one’s own emotional well-being. It has been observed that self-satisfaction is a right that must be worked on individually through the self-responsibility of goals, the assumption of the adaptive that results from making mistakes as a necessary process in personal growth and a discourse based on self-confidence and the rationality of personal approaches.

It is recommended to combine all of the above with an actively accepting style, where instead of trying to change the other person, the diversity of opinions and ways of acting are assumed as natural. This principle serves as a reference in the field of interpersonal decisions and behaviour, although it is true that it can be complex to establish a clear differentiation between this premise, accepting the diversity of criteria, and relativism, whose recent rise is blurring the distinction between what can be objectified and what is merely subjective.

Bibliographic references:

  • Stamateas, B. (2011) Toxic People. Ediciones B, S.A. (Barcelona).