Eric Berne was a Canadian psychiatrist and psychologist especially known for having created Transactional Analysis. This author, a disciple of Paul Federn (one of Freud’s disciples), generated a model based on the social in which he considered that communication with the social environment could be the source and at the same time the solution to various mental problems.

Taking the transaction as a basic unit of social relationship , the author integrated psychoanalytic and humanist concepts and even behavioral ones, focusing his perspective on the present and personal growth, elaborating concepts such as the states of the self called Child, Adult and Parent and also establishing a theory regarding the scripts or roles we play.

In order to better understand his thinking, I offer you a series of 50 sentences by Eric Berne .

50 interesting sentences by Eric Berne

Below you can see about fifty sentences from the creator of Transactional Analysis, in no particular order.

1. The moment a child worries about whether he is a jay or a sparrow, he can no longer see the birds or hear them sing

The moment when we start to analyze things instead of living them is a loss of natural spontaneity and makes it difficult for us to enjoy ourselves.

2. Children understand people much better than trained adults who study human behavior

A child’s innocence and spontaneity makes him or her capable of guessing and understanding how others are and are not subject to as much interpretation as adults

3. Games are a compromise between intimacy and maintaining distance

The ability to be intimate with others is fundamental and one of the objectives of transactional analysis. For Berne the game supposes the capacity to be oneself and to approach the other in a partial way since intimacy is circumscribed to the game in question.

4. No man is a hero to his wife’s psychiatrist

We all have a negative side that others, and especially those who know us best, can appreciate. We all hurt someone with our actions or the absence of them at some point.

5. Each person designs his own life, freedom gives him power to carry out his designs, and power gives him freedom to interfere in the designs of others

In this sentence Berne tells us about freedom and how it can be interfered with through interaction with others.

6. People are born princes and princesses until the process of civilization turns them into toads

The education and the restriction of the behavior that we carry out as we are educated cause the reduction of the spontaneity and the repression of the authenticity, being more difficult to reach relations of authentic intimacy.

7. It’s our responsibility to take off that toad skin and remain princes and princesses.

In this sentence, linked to the previous one, it is established that we are the ones who must make an effort to recover our spontaneity and our instinctive part in an active way.

8. I am fine, you are fine

For Berne, this phrase is the ideal posture that allows human beings to establish healthy relationships with their fellow human beings

9. A healthy person says “yes”, “no” and “bravo!” An unhealthy person says “yes, but,” “no, but,” and “no bravo”

The loss of illusion, self-awareness, spontaneity and intimacy makes people doubt their claims and what they want.

10. Being aware requires that we live in the here and now, and not in nothing, the past or the future

This phrase urges us to live our life in the present, without becoming obsessed with what has already been or what might become.

11. When the intuitive disposition is strong, it brings with it a feeling of certainty that is difficult to shake

Intuitive people often capture details that others would overlook without an objective reason. Usually, the person who intuits something often thinks that he has a high probability of being right.

12. Refusal to follow the unconscious parental orders can lead to the appearance of the witch mother or the ogre father, and in the worst case both, to reproach him for the audacity he has had in disobeying them

Berne indicates to us the effect that the failure of the child ego to fulfill its designs has on the Father ego.

13. He who loses does not know what he will do if he loses, but he talks about what he will do if he wins, and he who wins does not talk about what he will do if he wins, even though he knows what he will do if he loses

This phrase serves to reflect on expectations and our ability not to pre-empt possible successes.

14. For the patient’s Child, being good means doing what his or her parents told him or her to do in early childhood. Being good can range from not causing problems to being a genocidal, as in both cases the parental order is followed. And as long as the patient’s Child follows his or her parental guidelines, he or she will maintain the protection and affection of his or her Father

The Child, our most spontaneous and free inner part, when growing up tends to limit its activity according to what the I Father considers (what the reference figures have instilled in it).

15. If Jeder studies his facial expressions in the mirror, he will soon see what he is doing to get people to react the way he does, and then he will be in a position to change things if he wants to

Knowing how we relate and what we express to others is fundamental in order to introduce changes in our way of relating.

16. The Child in the person is potentially able to contribute to his or her personality exactly as a happy and real child is able to contribute to family life

The instinctive and spontaneous part of our being leads us to pursue our desires and dreams and to be happy.

17. Whether successful or unsuccessful, the script is a way of structuring the time between the first “Hello” on the mother’s breast and the last “Goodbye” at the grave

The roles and scripts that we acquire throughout our lives structure our behavior and what we experience throughout our life cycle.

18. The most brutal psychological blow that a human being can receive is the proof that his good mother cheated him

Disillusionment with respect to who or what we idolize and value is a deep pain and suffering when expectations and illusion are broken.

19. It is incredible to think, at first, that the destiny of man, all his nobility and all his degradation, is decided by a child of no more than six years, and usually three

Who we are as adults is determined and/or influenced in large part by what we experience in the early stages of our lives, especially during early childhood.

20. Script deaths are usually signaled by the smile or the mood of the scaffold. The man who dies with a smile on his face or a joke on his lips is dying the death that his script calls for, and the smile or the joke says, “Well, Mother, I’m following your instructions now. I hope you’re happy”

This phrase refers to following established patterns of behaviour not by oneself but by what education dictates , which to a large extent lead to the repression of our instincts and desires.

21. A consecrated fetishist does not usually make a very good husband unless he finds exactly the right woman

This phrase speaks to us of the search for idealized characteristics and the mismatch between these and reality.

22. We think we are relating to others… but we are actually playing

Bonding with others is complex, and we usually limit ourselves to expressing only a part of our intimacy without being entirely authentic.

23. Human life is the process of passing time until the arrival of death, or Santa Claus

In this sentence Berne refers to the fact that we can live life in an organized way and according to the restrictions and repressions imposed from outside, or live life authentically and freely.

24. Love is given from Child to Child: a Child even more primitive than the Child of intimacy, since the Child of intimacy sees things as they are, in all their pristine beauty, while the Child of love adds something to them and makes things shine with a halo invisible to all but the lover

Berne talks about love as something that is given from authenticity and intimacy (our inner Child), as well as about how love makes us add illusion and joy to the real vision of things.

  • You might be interested: “The 4 Types of Love: What different kinds of love are there?”

25. Scripts are artificial systems that limit spontaneous and creative human aspirations, just as games are artificial structures that limit spontaneous and creative intimacy

This phrase reflects what the existence of scripts and even games as limiters of the authenticity of being implies for the author.

26. The arguments are destined to last a lifetime. They are based on childhood decisions and constantly reinforced parental programming

This sentence encourages us to reflect on the basis of our arguments

27. Reinforcement can take the form of daily contact, as in men who work for their father, or women who phone their mother every morning to chat, or it can be applied less frequently and with greater subtlety, but with the same force, through occasional treatment

In this fragment linked to the previous sentence we can see how Berne considered the existence and importance of a basic social reinforcement when explaining and directing our behavior.

28. The parental programming is not the “fault” of the parents since they only pass on to their children the programming received from their parents, just as it is not their “fault” the physical appearance of their children since they only pass on to them the genes they received from their ancestors. But brain chemicals are easier to change than those that determine physical appearance

For Berne the communication and the type of transaction between parents and children can be modified to make it more adaptive and to transmit and generate in the offspring a better programming than the one that originated us. Children’s experiences can generate a concrete psychic structure , but this is not determined only by these experiences.

29. When the script decrees that the patient should never get well, but the therapist manages to destroy this curse. This requires enormous power and skill on his part. He must gain the full confidence of the child of the patient, since success depends on the child having more confidence in him than in the parent of origin who dictated the script

In this sentence the author expresses that the therapist must be able to contact the child, the primary and authentic part of the patient, if he wants to help modify the structure of the self.

30. In most cases the witch-father plans the length of Jeder’s life and the manner of his death, and he will, by his own decision, unless there are internal or external shocks, carry out the parental decree

In this sentence Berne reflects that it is easy to be carried away by the configuration of the personality and the behavior that society carries out, ignoring the own authenticity.

31. A dash merely means that someone told the person what to do a long time ago, and he decided to do it

The author establishes the script as a transaction in which a person’s role is configured, this being the result of the transmission of points of view, information, expectations and other aspects.

32. Each person decides in his early childhood how he will live and how he will die, and we call this plan, which he carries in his head wherever he goes, a script

In line with the previous sentence, in this case it is added that the transactions that end up generating our scripts occur essentially in early childhood .

33. Scripts are only possible because people do not know what they are doing to themselves and to others. In fact, knowing what one is doing is the opposite of following a script

The author reflects on the role of self-knowledge in determining whether or not we do what we want to do.

34. Each individual is pushed by his or her script to repeat the same patterns of behavior over and over again, no matter how much he or she regrets the consequences

The role and function we take on leads us to always behave in a certain way.

35. The forces of human destiny are fourfold and very formidable: demonic parental programming, aided by the inner voice which the ancients called “Daemon”; constructive parental programming, aided by the life impulse which they called “Phusis” long ago; external forces, which we still call “Destiny” and independent aspirations, for which the ancients had no human name, since for them it was primarily the privilege of gods and kings

Interesting phrase that shows the different forces that help us to configure the psyche.

36. All your decisions are made by four or five people inside your head, and although you may ignore them if you are too proud to hear them, they will be there next time if you bother to listen. Script analysts learn to amplify and identify these voices

The self is influenced by different ways of seeing the world and living it, which Berne identified as characters. These characters suggest ways of acting in the world.

37. When children were planning their lives they often followed the plot of a favorite story. The real surprise was that these plans persisted for twenty, forty or eighty years, and that in the long run they generally prevailed over common sense

This phrase reflects that we live our life according to what we identify with, acting accordingly.

38. The main themes of the life scripts are the same as those found in fairy tales: love, hate, gratitude and revenge

These four aspects are the main elements on which the scripts we take throughout our lives are based.

39. In the case of the patient’s Child being rebellious, he may be strong enough to withstand the cruel and excessive attacks of his critical parents, but sooner or later these attacks will take effect and achieve their goal

The instinctive, spontaneous and intimate part of each person can be resistant, but generally it tends to end up being controlled and restricted by the values and points of view that we have grasped during childhood.

40. The fate of every human being is decided by what is inside his head when confronted by what is outside it

The existence and resolution of conflicts between the Child Self and what comes from outside is what shapes our destiny.

41. Men tend to be attracted by the things that their families emphasize, in particular their mother. Indeed, the basic rule of fetishes is that a man’s fetish is the same as his mother’s child

This phrase speaks to us of the transmission by the family of aspects to look at or be attracted to.

42. Mrs. Blanco complained that her husband severely limited her social activities, so she had never learned to dance. Due to alterations in her attitude resulting from psychiatric treatment, her husband began to feel less self-confident and to be more forgiving. Mrs. Blanco was then able to expand the range of her activities. She signed up for dance classes and discovered, to her dismay, that she was very afraid of the dance floor and had to abandon this project. This unfortunate adventure, along with others like it, brought to light important aspects of the structure of their marriage. From among her many suitors she chose a dominant man as her husband. She was then in a position to complain that she could do everything “if it weren’t for him”. Many of her friends also had dominant husbands, and when they met in the morning for coffee, they spent a lot of time playing “If it wasn’t for him”

This fragment expresses the idea that sometimes we choose to interact with people who allow us to self-justify why the Child Self is not heard by the person himself.

43. Hobbies and games are substitutes for the real experience of real intimacy

The author sees play as something that substitutes the experience of real intimacy, cutting off part of the individual’s own spontaneity.

44. Hunger is the need to touch and be touched, to be recognized by society and is only appeased by caresses

In this sentence Berne talks about the need to be recognized and accepted by the environment , including our most significant people.

45. I know that when people talk, they exchange something with each other, and that is why they talk to each other. The fundamental question is: why do people talk to each other?

In this sentence we can see what the transaction means for Berne

46. In most cases, when we mention interaction it implies that there is no action. People who actually do things do not use words as interaction. Transaction means, “At least I’ve taken a step forward”

In this sentence we see the difference between interaction, more passive, and transaction as active communication.

47. The eternal problem of the human being is how to structure his waking hours

The human being tends to structure the world according to the concepts and precepts he acquires throughout his life, the structuring of his time being one of his greatest concerns.

48. The achievement of autonomy is manifested by the discovery or recovery of three capacities: awareness, spontaneity and intimacy

In this sentence the author expresses the basic capacities that make up autonomy.

49. The solitary individual can structure time in two ways: through activity and fantasy

Activity and fantasy are for Berne different ways in which human beings can structure their time.

50. Instead of encouraging people to live bravely in an old world, it is possible to make them live happily in a brave new world

This sentence leads us to reflect that we really do not have to conform to established models, but that we must change the world and contribute new things in order to enrich our life and that of others.