60 questions to get to know a person better

The psychologists have a great number of instruments at their disposal to better understand people’s behaviour style or personality type.

However, that doesn’t mean that people outside the study of psychology can’t have other ways of getting to know the people around them better. In fact, there is a relatively affordable option for getting to know more about the people around us. These are the questions to get to know a person .

Questions to ask to know someone

The fact is that an open dialogue between two people can serve a great number of purposes and functions: deception, cooperation, the dissemination of concrete data and, of course, can also be a context in which we come into contact with the personality of our interlocutor and create our own hypotheses about him or her .

That’s why I propose 60 questions to get to know someone better and which you can use to create an atmosphere of trust in a short time.

Some questions to get to know a person better

By using these questions we may be able to stick to the scrupulousness and thoroughness of a practicing psychologist, but in addition to seeing how the other person reacts to certain phrases and questions, it will also help us to add interest to our conversations and, in many cases, make the other person more open and honest with us .

You may be interested in: “Interpersonal intelligence: definition and tips for improvement”

It is a list that could be extended to infinity, since the questions to know someone better can be as diverse as the human imagination is wide. Here I recommend a few of them, but of course you don’t have to use them all, since you would be sinning in excess if you turned the dialogue into an interrogation. You can use the ones you choose in any order you like, although it is advisable to leave the more personal ones until the end. In any case, I recommend that you enjoy the process of getting to know the other person.

Required reading: “Guide to meeting new people: sites, skills and tips”

1. Where would you like to live?

Raising this simple issue is a good way to know people’s tastes and priorities . You can modify this question to make it more concrete ( “In which country would you like to live, in which city, etc. “ ) and thus see some aspects of life that your partner values more and some situations that he or she cannot stand.

2. Where would you spend your perfect vacation?

By combining this question with the previous one you can see if there are any contrasts between the aspects of the ideal environment in which to live and the characteristics that a place should have where you are only occasionally, by the way. Getting to know someone better means not only knowing what that person is asking of the routine, but also how he or she likes to break it.

3. Can you describe your bedroom to me?

The dormitory is one of the most private rooms in the home and one where you spend the most hours . Therefore, it often reflects many aspects of people’s tastes and personality. For example, you can get an idea of whether you value your privacy more or less according to the barriers that exist between the interior of the bedroom and common places, or you can learn about preferences and hobbies according to the decoration and objects that populate the space.

4. Which historical figure would you like to interview?

This question is useful to know better the person’s philosophical concerns , their interests and even their cultural background.

5. What kind of clothes would you not wear under any circumstances?

This question serves, among other things, to test the inventiveness and creativity of the other person , as the possible answers are practically infinite. Moreover, it is a question that is both challenging and light-hearted, which adds interest to the conversation and serves to release tension.

6. What are your three favorite bands?

There are some studies that indicate that musical tastes are important in the creation of groups of friends, especially the younger the members . This question serves to know the other person better and to know about his or her preferences in a subject that is difficult to deal with from the standpoint of rationality and solid arguments. On the other hand, it is more difficult to answer than "What kind of music do you listen to" , so you will be more sure that the other person is listening to the dialogue.

7. What is freedom for you?

With this question you can see the other person’s ability to deal with abstract issues , not so connected to everyday life. On the other hand, if you have difficulties in answering it or seem surprised by this question, this person may not be used to touching on philosophical issues closely.

8. What is the aspect about you that you like the most?

The possible answers to this question are as diverse as the kind of information about the other person you can get from them. It is a way of seeing how the other person values himself or herself , whether he or she pays more or less attention to his or her physical or psychological attributes and, in the process, you can learn first-hand about aspects of his or her being or mental capacities that you did not know.

9. What is your favorite book?

Another question to get an idea of the cultural background of the other person and, by the way, to know their literary tastes , something that is never too much. You will also know if he usually reads more or less regularly.

10. Do you often think about what is happening to you and how you feel?

By raising this topic you will know whether this person spends more or less time managing her emotions and distancing herself from what is happening to her in order to analyse it coldly. Having this habit is often associated with less impulsiveness and the habit of thinking about the consequences of things before doing them.

11. What superpower would you have?

Another light-hearted question to relieve tension and create a relaxed atmosphere among so many questions and also to exercise a little creativity.

12. Which four series are your favorites?

This is another one of those questions to get to know someone better through the type of cultural products they consume. The answer to this question itself is not what is interesting, but the aspects of these series that the person says he or she values most, as well as the characters in which he or she seems to feel most identified and the reasons for this.

By the way: don’t miss this post: Psychological series: 10 TV series that every psychologist should watch

13. What three things do you appreciate most in a person?

It is better not to start by asking this question, as it is quite personal. You can use it to know the values that the speaker most appreciates .

14. How would you like to be in the future?

This is one of those questions to get to know someone better that will help you know about this person’s aspirations, as well as some aspects of his or her self-concept.

15. If you were an animal, what would you be?

Another question to find out about your interlocutor’s self-image , which of your own characteristics you consider most relevant and which you do not.

16. What song would serve to sum up your personality? Why?

The essence of a person summed up with a piece of music. A difficult task, but not impossible, and that can serve to express certain qualities and aspects of oneself through music , something that can hardly be covered with conceptual categories.

17. Which four adjectives best describe you?

Like other questions that have already been asked, this one serves to get an idea of how the other person sees themselves and, in passing, to know the characteristics of their own that they consider to be the most relevant or unusual.

18. What is your least favorite state of mind?

This simple question can be used to find out about certain hobbies, concerns or situations that the other person usually tries to avoid. Very useful because, instead of talking about concrete situations, it talks about the moods they trigger, subjective states of consciousness that can occur in very different contexts.

19. How would your friends describe you?

If other questions would be to know how this person sees himself, this one serves to know how he thinks he is seen . Asking about their friendships can make their answers biased towards the positive, but in return you reinforce the atmosphere of trust.

20. What three types of professions would you like to practice?

With this question you can know a little more about the kind of efforts and challenges towards which the other person’s tastes are oriented . In the same way, it can be used to get an idea about whether you are better at tasks governed by fixed behaviour patterns or those that leave more room for creativity, or those that involve teamwork or solitude.

21. What skill would you like to perfect in order to fully master?

It serves to know more about this person’s tastes and, on the other hand, the type of challenges and projects he or she would like to undertake .

22. If you could only keep five phone numbers of people outside your family, what would they be?

It is an indirect way of knowing more about the circle closest to this person . It can be useful to know whether you keep relatively old friendships or tend to lose contact with people and constantly create new ones.

23. What kind of person would you be afraid of?

Nothing like this question to find out what kind of attitudes and personalities your partner tends to avoid in the people he or she interacts with .

24. What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?

A classic, but no less useful. It serves to know to what extent the limits that frame the correct behavior are more or less present in the person talking to you.

25. What would be a good title for your autobiography?

Of course, what is interesting about asking this question is not the title that the speaker comes up with, but the conversation that emerges from the answer. From this very simple subject, a conversation can be started in which we get to know the other person better through the way in which he explains his vision of his own life , the milestones that marked him in the past, etc.

26. What do most people usually think about you and isn’t it true?

This is one of the best questions to know a person, because it allows the interlocutor to talk about the characteristics that he or she considers most unfamiliar and to give examples that help to understand his or her point of view .

27. What would you have liked to start learning five years ago?

This question serves to get an idea about the vital projects that the other person values in the present. At the same time, it helps to understand what were the priorities and objectives that same person had in the past.

28. What kind of people do you find particularly attractive?

If we nuance this question by clarifying that we are not referring to something related to physical attraction, we will manage to recreate an approximate image about the personal characteristics that are most valued .

29. What characteristics do you like to see in other people but not in yourself?

There is a difference between the ideal to which a person aspires and the characteristics that are highly valued in other people. This is a question to get to know the person by exploring just this difference.

30. On what topic would you like to be asked to get to know you better?

Self-image and self-esteem come up again, as in other questions to get to know someone better. Most probably your interlocutor will bring up topics that he understands that enhance the positive aspects of his person .

31. What kind of music do you like to dance to?

The type of dance that a person likes most can give us an idea of his degree of introversion or extraversion . People who have a weakness for types of dance that are performed in pairs or in groups will be more likely to be extraverted, while those who are introverted or hesitant when asked (because they are not used to dancing) or will respond to musical genres that are not related to very complex forms of dance, such as rock.

32. If you saw a dog whose leg was trapped in a fence, what would you do? What if instead of a dog it was a lizard?

This double question asks about this person’s attitude towards animals, whether they are domestic or not . The part where the lizard is named makes this one of the best questions to know someone in terms of their attachment to forms of life very different from human life.

33. In what situations would you be willing to lie?

A question to test the degree of honesty that is usual in the person we are talking to. Although anyone will try to give a better image of themselves than the one that corresponds to reality, the answers to this question allow us to compare between people .

34. What are you most irrationally afraid of?

With this question you can explore the other person’s obsessions and fears . It is interesting to stop and think if the answer or answers it gives have to do with material things, such as a type of animal or a concrete situation, or with more abstract and general phenomena, such as misunderstanding, abuse of new technologies or existential voids.

35. How do you prefer to relate to people?

This is a very open question that allows us to explore which are the situations in which the interlocutor prefers to interact with others: in group or two-person meetings, on the Internet, etc.

36. How would you define your type of sense of humor?

Humour is one of the most important characteristics of human beings, but it is not always expressed in the same way. There is black humor, absurd humor, slapstick … different ways of experiencing laughter. A question about getting to know someone through their sense of humour (or lack of it) .

37. Where would you go to relax for a few days?

This question serves to know the idea of calm that the person who is talking to us has.

38. Y… Where would you go for an adventure?

The opposite question to the previous one, to know what kind of exciting experiences attract more attention of the interlocutor .

39. What is your most vivid childhood memory?

This question does not have to give us especially valuable information about the personality of the person who was with us (unless he or she is talking about a traumatic experience), but can serve to create a relaxed atmosphere in which we can ask more questions and, in the process, learn about the environment in which he or she was raised.

40. When did you realize that you had entered adulthood?

A way of knowing the other person’s conception of childhood and adulthood. Does he have a childish mentality or has he matured more than would be advisable?

41. What do you miss most about your childhood?

Another question to get to know the other person’s more childlike and innocent side (if any).

42. What kind of people are you most sorry for?

A way of exploring the limits of empathy of those who talk to us, although we must know how to recognize when we are giving a sincere answer and when we are responding in an ironic way so as not to have to reveal this type of information.

43. What kind of people would you be ashamed to be seen with?

A question to know the image that someone wants to give of herself, beyond the way she sees herself. It helps to know to what extent there is vanity in it .

44. Which three people inspire you the most?

This question not only allows us to know someone’s concerns and sensitivities, but also their historical knowledge, which never hurts.

45. Do you consider yourself a superstitious person?

To know someone is also to know things about their way of thinking , and to believe in paranormal phenomena is something that speaks about the way one conceives reality and thinks about the way nature works.

46. Do you prefer short and simple stories or convoluted and complex arguments?

You can always answer that both, but somehow it helps to know the kind of stories and narratives that catch someone’s attention the most.

47. Do you like to know what’s going on in faraway places, or are you only interested in the local?

A way to test the other person’s concerns and information needs. Maybe we can learn more about their world view.

What fictional character do you most identify with?

A way to leave open the possibility for the interlocutor to talk about his or her personality and knowledge of works of fiction.

49. From which members of your family have you learned the most?

One of those questions to get to know someone within their family context and, by the way, their knowledge, skills and abilities.

50. Which member of your family is a greater example to you?

A similar question to the previous one, although in this case we are talking about a different facet of education: the role model that follows.

51. Are you clear about what you are looking for in life?

To know the degree of structuring of the other person’s life.

52. What kind of people would you never get along with?

Sometimes, there are activities or personality forms that produce significant rejection.

53. What kind of person would you refuse to talk to?

To know how far the limits of identification and empathy go .

54. How long has it been since something happened that you deeply regret?

This question is an opportunity to talk about regrets and mismanagement of situations.

55. Would it make you feel bad to leave taking a lot of secrets with you?

This is one of the questions to know a person that focuses on an existential aspect.

56. Do you think you are a person open to change?

To know the degree of appreciation the person feels for routine and familiarity.

57. Do you feel threatened easily?

Some people feel attacked or questioned at the very least.

58. Do you think reputation is important to you?

One way to know if you care a lot about the image you give.

59. Is it better to defend causes because of their legitimacy, or because of the possibility of putting them into practice?

In this case, we explore the tendency towards idealism that our interlocutor has.

60. Do you find it hard to talk about yourself?

This question serves to know to what extent the other person is on the defensive.