Few behaviors can be as unhealthy as jealousy, which causes serious relationship problems and can lead to breakups. While relationships are complicated in themselves, they are more complicated when there is no trust between the two partners.
Jealousy is harmful and can even degrade relationships to the point of causing a break-up as well as great discomfort. This discomfort not only affects the person who is the victim of jealousy, but also the jealous person.
What not to do when you are jealous
Jealousy can be seen as feelings of insecurity and distress that hijack the jealous person’s attention. To some extent they are normal, as no one likes to lose someone they love.
Now, when the person is unable to control these feelings and jealousy causes so much suffering that it endangers a loving relationship, we are talking about sickly jealousy, which we explain more about in the article “Sickly jealousy: 10 common signs of extremely jealous people”
The first step in overcoming jealousy is to be aware of it. Therefore, if you are jealous in the following lines we wanted to highlight some actions that you should not carry out when you are jealous.
1. Don’t think badly of everything
They say that the jealous person does not think badly of what he sees but of what he imagines. When a person feels insecure, he may relate things that are not really linked, or suspect something without even checking the veracity of his beliefs . Therefore, you need to detect when you lose your temper and observe whether the reason why you lose your temper is real or is the result of your imagination.
2. Do not accuse him
When a person suffers from jealousy, the first reaction is anger, and although there is no firm evidence to confirm the reason for your jealousy, by entering into an unhealthy dynamic, the jealous person may end up accusing another person unjustly . Therefore, it is necessary to be realistic, and before letting these toxic feelings invade you, you should be as objective as possible.
3. Do not forbid
Excessively jealous people adopt controlling behaviours over their partner : telling him how he should dress, who he should go with, etc. No one is going to be with you out of obligation, so this behavior will only make the love relationship toxic.
4. Don’t become a detective
Insecurity leads a person to become obsessed with being in control of their partner, but also with wanting to know what their partner is doing all the time. For example, a jealous individual may want to know what their partner is doing through their social networks. Some people even use their partner’s account without their behavior. This behaviour is not healthy , and besides hurting the victim of jealousy, it also hurts the jealous one.
5. Don’t speak without thinking
Impulsivity can appear at any time when the jealous person is not able to control his or her own emotions.
6. Don’t call all the time
This problem of impulsiveness also makes the jealous person want to know what the couple is doing all the time. And, in fact, in most cases, he is already defensive before even speaking , so his attitude can be very aggressive. It’s not good to keep an eye on your partner 24 hours a day.
7. Don’t give up on your life
The previous point is an example of how a relationship in which distrust and jealousy predominate, obsession makes its presence felt. This happens because jealousy is caused by low self-esteem and insecurity , and the jealous person is afraid of feeling abandoned. To overcome jealousy, the best alternative is to work on oneself.
How to stop being a jealous person
Considering the above points, how is it possible to stop being a jealous person?
1. Acknowledge that you are jealous
The previous points are examples of what a jealous person does, therefore, detecting them is the principle to get out of this complex situation . Do you behave as in the previous points? Then you need to look for a solution, even with professional help if necessary.
2. Do your part
Jealousy is a somewhat normal feeling. But some people, despite feeling this way, do their part to keep the situation from getting out of hand. This is key to avoid entering a vicious circle that hurts both actors in the love relationship. If you want to change, the only one who can do it is you.
3. Be objective
Sometimes, the emotions we feel cloud us, but we must be emotionally intelligent and be objective about how we behave in certain situations with our partner.
4. Work on yourself
As I said, jealousy is often a consequence of low self-esteem and insecurity. That is why it is necessary that, in the interest of leaving jealousy behind, people with this problem should work on their own personal development. When someone is happy with the life they have, they are not looking for someone to fill this void , but someone to add to it.
5. Improve communication
Improving communication with your partner is the best way to overcome jealousy, as this avoids many conflicts and allows for no misunderstandings. Communicating correctly with your partner can increase trust between you, because in this way each one knows the needs of the other and it is possible to negotiate for the good of both.
- If you want to know more about these strategies to stop being jealous, you can read this article: “How to stop being a jealous person? 12 ways to do it”