70 sarcastic phrases from the best thinkers, humorists and philosophers
Life is not always a bed of roses and things will not always turn out the way we want them to , because sometimes we can come across someone who does not like us, or someone can come across us, and for some reason, we do not fit in.
Sometimes, sarcastic phrases are a good way to say things that may hurt in a roundabout way and in a more intelligent and fun way.
- “48 funny and funny sayings for laughs”
- “Dr. House’s 50 best phrases (ironic, scathing, philosophical)”
Great Snide Phrases for Life
Sarcasm often uses clichés to make jokes, so no one should be offended by some of these quotes. Humor is a form of communication in which transgression is possible.
In the following lines you will find a list of sarcastic and scathing phrases that may be fun for you.
1. Some smoke, some get drunk, some get high, and some fall in love. The truth is that everyone destroys himself in his own way
Love can sometimes end in heartbreak, which can lead to health problems just like drugs.
2. Sometimes I need what only you can give me: your absence (Ashleigh Brillian)
If you tell someone, don’t expect too kind a reaction.
3. I don’t hold a grudge, but I have a good memory
One can try not to hold a grudge, but memory sometimes is not controlled.
4. I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it without dying (Woody Allen)
Poor Woody prefers to be able to share in his successes.
5. Your heart is as busy as your phone line
In reference to someone who’s in love with someone else.
6. Watch out! Happiness of two, envy of thousands
When things are going well for you, there will always be those who will wish you ill.
7. Sometimes I think about who will fall into your arms and I don’t know whether to laugh or feel compassion
When someone leaves you and blames you, but in reality the guilty person is the other person.
8. I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go to another room to read a book (Groucho Marx)
One of the most celebrated of the famously sarcastic quotes.
9. Happy are those who hope for nothing, for they will never be disappointed
Those who live in the moment have a better chance of being happy.
10. I wanted to ask you for the number of your exes to form a kind of support group
An ironic quote that can annoy anyone who’s told it.
11. History has taught us that man and nations behave wisely when they have exhausted all alternatives. (Abba Eban)
Irony in the face of the prevailing political warmongering.
12. Breed memories and they will bring tears to your eyes
The past must be forgotten because it can hinder one’s happiness.
13. I looked you up in the dictionary… and you don’t mean anything
For those people who have hurt us.
14. Why should we accept sexual advice from the pope? If he knows anything about sex, he shouldn’t! (George Bernard Shaw)
It would have violated the law of celibacy.
15. I told him ‘bring me whatever you want’… and all he brought me was lies (Ray Charles)
In reference to a lying person.
16. Love now, pay later
Disaffection is one of the most painful experiences a human being can have.
17.So many times you let me fall, I learned to fly
When your partner disappoints you many times, you finally manage to accept it.
18. There are three things that always come out: the Sun, the Moon, and the truth
The truth can be hidden for a while, but not infinitely.
19. Women are like dolphins: it is scientifically proven that they are too intelligent, but few understand them
A quote with irony about a sexist topic and the complex relationship that men and women can have,
20. Will you help me find something? -What is it? -All the time I wasted on you
Ideal for those relationships that did not end badly.
21. Love is the child of illusion and the father of disappointment (James Scott)
Love is a feeling that floods us and makes us feel really good.
22. You are a perfect artifact of defects
A play on words that contains a touch of irony.
23. The problem is that people know little, but talk too much (Kurt Smith)
Ignorance often makes us believe that we know more than we do.
24. I am an expert at pretending to care about other people’s opinions
There are individuals who know how to act very well when they are surrounded by other people.
25. If this is love, I prefer to watch TV; it is more educational and less possessive
Love can sometimes be unrequited and cause great pain.
26. Many people decide to spend fortunes on their weddings because, in some cases, it is the last day of happiness in their lives
An irony about married life and marriage.
27. If you think you are the last Coke in the desert, I like beer
Meaning that being the last person in the universe, you would have nothing with that person.
28. No one has dominion over love, but he has dominion over things
Love occupies our life when it comes, because it is a very intense feeling.
29. Sorry, I thought you were the love of my life… Next!
When you run out of patience with someone you’ve been with.
30. If someone is unfaithful to you you will want to jump off the balcony, but remember, you have horns, not wings (Woody Allen)
An ironic quote about infidelity.
31. I am responsible for what I say, not that you understand it (Bob Marley)
We can send a clear message, but if the other person does not interpret it as we wish, then there is nothing we can do.
32. Love is like war: easy to start, hard to finish
A comparison of couple relationships with wartime conflicts.33 She thinks she’s a princess and doesn’t know which bed she left her crown in
In relation to a woman who thinks the world revolves around her.
34. Sexual inactivity is dangerous… It produces horns! (Will Smith)
Lack of sex in the couple can lead to infidelity.
35. Saying goodbye to you was as hard as writing this sentence
Meaning that it didn’t really cost him anything to separate from that person.
36. Your eternity only lasted a couple of months
In relation to a relationship that didn’t work out.
37. Someday I’ll start what I finished
A phrase that speaks of procrastination and procrastination.
38. Dear Cupid, more aim next time, see if you can hit the right one
An irony about an unrequited love or a love that didn’t work out.
39. If love is blind. Why is underwear so popular? (John Goodman)
A funny reflection on sexuality and intimate relationships.
40. You can’t forget the Queen, playing checkers
For those men who can’t get a woman they’ve loved out of their minds.
41. There are many ways to invoke the devil: through a Ouija board, a prayer, an exorcism, or by asking “are you angry, my love? (Andreu Buenafuente)
When a couple ends badly, there is not exactly love left between the members.
42. I hated you as much as I loved you
It may be that the more you want, the more rejection that person causes you.
43. It is impolite to say “I love you” with a mouthful of lies
For those people who have serious difficulty not lying.
44. Be careful, any day now you will call on my heart and it will sound busy
A warning that you won’t be waiting for that person forever.
45. If you are not going to fulfill, neither illusions nor promises
It’s painful when a person tells you what you want to hear but then doesn’t follow through.
46. One day you’ll realize that your children turned out to be ugly and you’ll wonder why you didn’t marry me (Jon Lajoie)
A message with irony that you’re in love with this person.
47. A word of advice: in the future try to be less intelligent… sorry: obvious
When someone wants to hide something but doesn’t get it.
48. Love is blind, let it pass
A comparison of the saying “love is blind” with true blindness.
49. If you don’t like the way I am, you change
A way to tell the other person you’re comfortable with who you are.
50. The woman who is lucky with men does not know how lucky she is
Some relationships are very complicated.
51. I used to cross the ocean for you, today I don’t even cross my fingers (Dave Hughes)
There are people who, in time, disappoint us.
52. It’s amazing how many problems I could solve with a chainsaw
An irony that can appear in moments of interpersonal conflict.
53. Tomorrow I will consider your opinion, today I am not interested
When you know you’re right but the other person doesn’t want to see it.
54. I don’t understand people who are happy and don’t know me yet, really, I don’t understand them
An irony that is typical of a narcissistic person.
55. There are people, who from the first moment you see them, you know that you want to spend the rest of your life… without seeing them again
When you don’t like someone and you prefer to keep that person out of your life.
56. Tell me, is your pride a better kisser than I am?
This phrase can be said when the person has full confidence in the way he or she kisses.
57. We’re all idiots sometimes, but some people take it as a lifestyle. You, for example
A polite way to tell someone that their attitude is not the most appropriate.
58. You are living proof that a man can live without a brain
As in the previous sentence, a very polite way to tell someone that they are not exactly intelligent.
59. Expect from me, what I get from you
Not one of the more sarcastic phrases on this list, but well used it can be useful.
60. Everything is laughter, sex and fun until he asks you… what are we?
There are people who just don’t want to get serious with anyone.
61. I googled “Infidelity” and guess what… your name came up
A fun way to tell someone they’re unfaithful to the core.
62. The most effective laxative in the world is called “we have to talk” (Dave Chapelle)
The phrase “we need to talk” can be a cause for concern for those who are hiding something.
63. Criticizing my faults will not diminish yours (Jack Black)
There are individuals who prefer to project their failures onto others.
64. My tears are 1% water and 99% your assholes
When the person who makes you cry is immature and the fault is theirs.
65. Don’t worry about what I have, do it for what you lack
To free interpretation.
66. The problem with being sarcastic is that sometimes people reject me, and since I care a lot about their opinion, I get very sad
An irony to tell the world you’re not going to cry no matter what they say.
67. No, seriously, keep telling your story. In fact, yawning is my favorite way to show how much I care about listening to you
For when someone bores you and you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
68. You were the best part of my worst mistake
We don’t always find the right person for love, but we learn from everything.
69. It turns out that your opinions don’t work, so you better use mine
When the opinion of others is not good, this phrase can be used.
70. What would life be like without the opportunity to make stupid decisions (Dr. House)
A good way to look at life with optimism and not feel like a failure in the face of mistakes.