Sometimes it is the way we relate to others, rather than our way of thinking, that defines in a more special way who we are and how we act.
We can explain what our motivations are, our goals and some of our problems and concerns by looking at how our personality is expressed when we are accompanied by more people.
And, on those occasions when the social aspect is added to the affective aspect, it is much more likely that we will approach a deeper and more complex description of our personality (or the personality of others). So if part of our way of being is expressed through the way we behave when we are in a couple’s relationship, the same thing happens in its absence, and more specifically when we are single .
What types of bachelorhood are there?
Below you can see a proposal of how a classification system of the main types of bachelorhood could look like .
It is not an exhaustive classification, and therefore the same person may present some characteristics of more than one of these types, but it is a first step that can help explain the traits, propensities and possible problems of the people.
1. Independent Singles
This type of bachelorhood is promoted by an assessment of the costs and benefits of having a partner .
Bachelors of this type tend to value highly the option of living their own life without ties and with a lot of time available for themselves, without having to give time and space to another person. In other words, they are wary of commitments that are too strong and intense.
2. Self-sufficient singles
Single people who belong to this category do not even consider the costs and benefits of having a partner, because their living habits in themselves lead to a high degree of isolation and self-sufficiency .
In this single mode the default state is loneliness, although a loneliness that need not be perceived as something negative, as it is interpreted as the normal state of things. Therefore, these people are likely to remain single for a long time, firstly because of their lonely habits and secondly because of their lack of interest in increasing their chances of getting to know other people better.
3. Isolated singles
Isolated singles show many characteristics that define self-sufficiency, but with the difference that they do perceive their singleness as a problem and therefore would prefer to break with their isolation dynamics.
However, the very fact that they are accustomed to a solitary lifestyle makes it difficult for them to learn other habits that expose them more to relationships with others, and it is also possible that because of their lack of habit they have difficulty learning some useful social skills to form and maintain bonds.
4. Of low self-esteem
These people want to get to form a relationship, but they believe that they can no longer do so not because of their habits or customs, but because they believe that they, by their very nature, are not worth enough to get those opportunities. That is, regardless of what they can learn or how they can change, they believe they will never evolve enough to be attractive .
Of course, there are no objective criteria for determining the value of people, and therefore these kinds of thoughts are deeply irrational, but that does not change the fact that they are often very persistent and affect many aspects of one’s quality of life. Therefore, this mode of singleness is one of the symptoms of a wider problem that, in any case, can most probably be corrected by working on improving self-esteem.
5. Existential singles
Singles belonging to this group are characterized by a certain existential pessimism , which means that they do not believe that relationships mean anything by themselves.
Therefore, they see in a cold and dispassionate way the option of getting to have intimate emotional relationships with someone, and although sometimes they can enjoy relationships, they will be aware that the pleasure they find in those moments is built by them with their own way of taking the relationship, and is not given to them by the other person.
6. Ideological Singles
This typology of bachelorhood is less common, and is mainly explained by an ideology that makes the person impose red lines when meeting people , or that systematically rejects possible partners or people he or she considers attractive. This way of thinking is not so much related to one’s self-esteem as to the way in which reality and the functioning of society are interpreted. For example, people who profess certain religions in a very intense way can be very demanding with the times that have to mark the infatuation, or they can prohibit themselves the possibility of having a partner.
This mode of being single can lead to problems when both ideological pressure and the desire to become a partner are very strong and produce a lot of pressure and anxiety.
7. Transition singles
These people believe that their chances of being in a relationship in the short or medium term are relatively high , and therefore are almost always examining the people around them to actively decide which are a better option. Therefore, they interpret the state of being single as a transition from one relationship to another.
8. Singles for learning
Learning singles are those who run away from the idea of having a partner because of bad past experiences .
This category could include both people who have developed a more or less elaborate discourse about why a couple is not suitable for them and those who, because of traumatic memories, feel a strong irrational rejection of the idea of being in such a relationship, which is difficult to explain. Sometimes this aversion to finding a romantic partner is called philophobia.
Having a partner should not be an obligation
Our cultural legacy pushes us to pair up and get married. We need to shed this idea and build our lives on personal values and our own criteria. During the last decade, new forms of love (such as polyamory) have begun to gain prominence.
Of course, you don’t have to live as a couple to be happy. Each individual must find his place in the world, his circle of friends and relationships, freely. Perhaps in this way we can reinterpret the concept of singleness , so often associated with loneliness and isolation.