Taking responsibility for our actions is one of the first steps in the process of change . It is difficult for a person to make progress in improving or solving some of their problems without being clear about their responsibility, without assuming their capacity to respond about what they do, feel and even think.

The importance of responsibility in personal development

People have a great capacity to change and adapt to new ways of thinking, feeling and acting, and good proof of this is the variations in these aspects that have taken place over the course of each person’s life.

However, if we do not take responsibility for our actions and resort to either “throwing balls out” or “I am like that”, which limit the path to change, progress or a change in habits becomes very complicated.

Also on a personal level, from children to the elderly, substantial changes are produced that go hand in hand with the awareness that we can act and influence things , situations and our own way of performing.

It is curious to observe how children’s perception of things changes; initially, events just happen, and little by little the child realizes that he makes them happen, he is responsible for throwing a glass, for getting food, for demanding attention, for making a toy work, etc.

As he has more experiences with people and the environment, his ability to do and choose what he does increases. It is not surprising that immaturity is often equated with lack of responsibility .

The freedom to choose

Responsibility has a fundamental and seldom underlined prerequisite or background. Freedom of choice.

The idea can be summarized as follows: I am responsible for what I choose because I could have chosen something else; the verb to choose implies responsibility and I cannot stop being responsible for my own life and for most of the things I do to build it.

Responsibility is not an obligation, it is to answer for what one did . That another has indicated, suggested and even ordered me does not eliminate my freedom of choice and decision. The freedom to choose is lived as something pleasant and enjoyable but I can feel guilty about what I chose and I can feel sorry for having to respond to that choice since most choices have consequences; negative, positive or both. Responsibility does not deny the influence of different factors or variables on our behavior, what it underlines is the ability, sometimes with great effort, to choose in spite of those factors.

To want or pretend that someone is taking charge of our choices is to want to continue to live like a child so that others will choose for us. However, we cannot escape the idea that we are free and therefore responsible for everything we do.

It does not matter if we blame the laws, the environment, the education, what we are commanded or influenced by . We choose at every moment of our actions even if some choices are as quick and automatic as the behaviours we make when we drive or feel happy when we meet a family member or friend.

Self-limitations are choices. We are autonomous and set our own standards. I can change my choice because I’m free. There are choices that open and choices that close; I can choose to change what I don’t like, I can choose to stay in a habit that hurts me, I can choose to be a victim, I can change the way I relate to others.

To be free is to choose to do only what is limited by my ability and physical condition. Everything else depends on my choice.

Conclusion

Responsibility is the most important part of your commitment to a future without maladaptive behavior . It involves standing up, acknowledging what you have done or not done, accepting your strengths and limitations, and moving forward. It has nothing to do with guilt but with acceptance and personal growth.

If you dare to take responsibility and change certain behaviors and beliefs, it may be a good time to start psychological therapy, but remember, responsibility does not imply guilt. Guilt anchors us in the past, we whip ourselves with something that has been done and this paralyzes us , that is, it is useless and limiting; however, responsibility makes us assume our acts and, as for what happens to us, assume the part that depends on us, an essential factor for the success of psychological therapy.

Author: Marta Marín, psychologist at Mariva Psicólogos