Sibling jealousy is one of the main problems in some families where there are young children. And this is because, although childhood is a time of discovery and illusion, it is also true that it is a phase in which the relative irrationality of minors can be combined with competitive moods and the need for acceptance and attention, resulting in an explosive mixture.

The simple fact of no longer being the center of care from the moment a baby brother or sister is born sometimes produces a frustration that is difficult to manage for a child. However, sometimes it is not the order of birth that triggers this type of conflict among the little ones, and the root of the problem may be a self-esteem damaged by other factors.

In any case, it is clear that it is necessary to recognize the symptoms of jealousy between siblings in order to intervene as soon as possible and bring peace to a relationship that should only be characterized by affection .

Symptoms or signs of jealousy between siblings

Every family is different, so, to some extent, it is normal that there is variability in the way jealousy between siblings is expressed. However, there are certain behavioural dynamics that are very frequent when these intra-family conflicts appear . They are the following.

1. Mockery at the earliest opportunity

Where there is jealousy between brothers, there is mockery, as this is a way of disguising an attack by making it look like an act of expression of humour.

2. Direct aggressions

This type of attack, which consists of actions aimed at causing pain to the other, is more typical of children than of adolescents, although it can occur in both age groups . They are more frequent among boys, and when jealousy is very intense, there does not even need to be an excuse to attack the other.

3. Indirect aggressions: attempts to get friends to walk away

Indirect aggression is that in which an attempt is made to move the social circles that serve as support for a person away from him or her, leaving him or her in a situation of relative isolation . This is very typical of jealous siblings, especially in the case of girls and adolescent women, while boys are more prone to direct aggression.

4. Attempts to get parents’ attention

This symptom appears more clearly in children who have not yet gone through puberty, while in adolescents this tends to occur less frequently and in a more subtle way , given that at this stage young people have a model of the ideal self that is relatively self-sufficient and does not need the opinions of parents.

For example, what in childhood may consist of wanting to constantly show drawings and crafts made by the little one, in adolescence becomes singing in the dining room where everyone is pretending to just practice, or getting into a discussion about topics that neither interest them nor of which they know a minimum of information.

However, this signal is less evident than the previous ones, and has to be analyzed in context to find out if it really appears because of jealousy.

Tips for preventing or solving the problem

Among the steps to be taken to combat jealousy between brothers, the following stand out.

1. Spend time

A good part of the jealousy appears before the fear of being forgotten, left aside by the family. That is why it is important to give a clear message that the existence of brothers or sisters does not mean that their value diminishes, and since nothing speaks as much as acts, the best thing is to exercise this affection through daily shared moments .

2. If a baby brother or sister is to be born, plan for the transition

In cases where a baby is going to be born, it is good to prevent problems by explaining that, because of the special needs of that person who will be coming into the world, he or she will have more people on his or her mind than those who have been growing up for a long time. To help you in this task, it may be helpful to use photos or videos showing what the little one we are explaining was like as a baby, so that you can see how he was treated.

3. Let him tell you how he feels

Not everything has to be about giving messages unilaterally. Allow him to express himself, so that he can tell you his fears or possible reasons for discomfort . Support is shown both by sharing good moments and by being there as support in bad ones.

4. Give her a role in raising the brother or sister

If the person for whom you can develop jealousy is younger or of a similar age, it is good to give him/her the task of helping to raise you . In this way, another meaning is given to that care that the other person receives, and it becomes part of a stimulating mission in which, moreover, the child who previously felt jealous shares roles with the adults (although in a much more limited way than the latter, and adapted to their physical and psychological characteristics).