Whether you are thinking of telling your colleague about his personal hygiene, or whether you are facing a dramatic situation where someone needs to be comforted because something serious has happened, you are likely to feel compelled to remain silent .

This is natural, since this type of conversation is usually really uncomfortable .

How do you deal with an uncomfortable interaction?

When there is an issue that is inevitable to slip away from and we are not able to articulate a discourse to that person, the discomfort and environmental tension can increase.

Once you are determined to face the situation, don’t forget these tips that will help you to make sure that the pending conversation doesn’t turn into a bad drink .

1. Avoid silences

Research reveals that, after only four seconds of uncomfortable silence, our anxiety levels soar . Moreover, the more anxious you feel, the more difficult it is to articulate the words.

To avoid this you should, as far as possible, plan the interaction a little in advance . If you know what you want to communicate, your message will be clear and sharp and you will be spared the discomfort of broken conversation and dreaded silences.

2. Talk in an intimate place

It is not a good idea to have a relevant conversation in a busy place with distractions (people nearby, noise…). Look for a private place where you can feel relaxed and where there are no people who can hear you or intrude.

If it is the other person who starts talking about that uncomfortable topic before you do, suggest that they find a comfortable place to discuss it in confidence and without outside interference.

3. Have a seat

When we have to talk about an uncomfortable subject, it is a good idea to rest on a sofa or chair . We will feel more comfortable, especially if the topic is thorny or could give rise to a major emotional shock.

This is an aspect that we commented on in the post: “How to give bad news? 12 emotional keys”

When you sit next to (or in front of) the other person, try to be at the same height . If you stand and the other person is sitting, you will give an image of superiority that can be very negative for the good of the interaction.

4. It starts with a touch of attention

Tough conversations can be just as incisive, but better received if you use a warning touch. For example, instead of saying, “Michael, the other workers can’t stand more than a minute around you” , you can start with a sentence that softens the context , like, “Michael, what I’m about to tell you may be a little hard to fit in.

This nuance gives the other person a few seconds to prepare themselves mentally and emotionally for what you will tell them after a while.

5. Accept your discomfort as normal

Attempting to deny the discomfort may cause the opposite effect to that desired. We can still be more uncomfortable with the situation we are facing. If you feel somewhat shaky, restless and unable to maintain eye contact with your interlocutor… accept that you are a little nervous .

It is quite advisable that, in a situation of this type, you can say a sentence that makes known the discomfort shared with the interlocutor. For example: “I feel a little uncomfortable talking about this”. This will make your interlocutor empathize with you and the level of discomfort is likely to decrease .

6. Be polite but also direct

It is essential that you manage to express yourself correctly and try not to disrespect. Here is some basic advice: you should be careful if you want your message to get through . However, you may run the risk of softening your words to the limit and this may generate a weak message that is not received with the necessary forcefulness by your interlocutor.

Therefore, it is interesting that you stick to the facts, use your assertiveness and get a clear message across, without too much circumlocution and going straight to the root of the issue.

7. Practice active listening

Communication is a two-way street. You must let your interlocutor process the information you have just given him, calmly. To be a good listener, it is important that you are receptive when listening to the other person’s answer , trying to put the matter in common and trying to solve some points or misunderstandings.

If what you have just expressed is especially harsh, you must be prepared for the other person to experience (and express) intense emotions. These can range from shame or sadness to fear or anger. In any case, you should try to make the person feel that they have support in you, and give them some time to deal with the situation.

Learn more: “Active listening: the key to communicating with others”

8. Bring the conversation to a clear end

Uncomfortable conversations can also turn into endless and overwhelming situations where quarrels or issues from the past can be brought up, leading to an even more uncomfortable and absurd situation that only results in more discomfort and confusion.

To avoid this, you should have prepared in advance a way to close the conversation in a clear and concise way, as well as explaining what we expect to result from the conversation. In this way we will be “closing the situation” and sending a concrete and univocal message about the meaning of the interaction. If you want the other person to give explanations, let them know. If you want the conversation to end without any further ado, say so too.

Bibliographic references:

  • Koudenburg, N., et al., Disrupting the flow: How brief silences in group conversations affect social needs, Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (2011), doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2010.12.006