Friendships are not always on good terms; it is common that at times there are moments of tension between friends. Sometimes it can happen that some of our friends fight and we have to mediate so that the situation does not go too far.

In this article we are going to see how to mediate a conflict between friends , avoiding that the bond of friendship deteriorates to the point that it affects the other members of the group. We will learn to recognize our emotions and those of others, to be able to manage them properly and to make sense of them.

How to help resolve conflicts between friends?

In the following lines we will review some effective ways to know how to mediate a conflict between close friends.

1. Identify the problem

The main thing we must do to resolve conflicts between our friends is to be clear about the real reason for their disagreement ; once we know this, we can start looking for the best ways to help resolve the conflict between those involved.

We must be careful with third party information. It is best to talk to your friends and get to understand each other’s points of view , so that your perspective is as objective and reliable as possible. When you have talked to your friends about the situation, you can draw your own conclusions from it.

2. Make them understand that there are ways to solve conflicts

You have to give your friends the tools they need to cope with their situation in a more appropriate way.

Some people have in mind that the only way to deal with differences is through aggression and violence; they are intolerant of frustration. Talking to each of them individually, you should explain what are the other ways to solve an existing conflict . For example, assertive communication, respect for other people’s opinions, acceptance between people despite the differences they may have, etc.

3. Invite them to tell you how they feel about it

Ask your friends how they feel about the situation. This way you will give them the opportunity to reflect on the behaviour they are having, and they will be more likely to realise their mistakes and want to correct them . They will probably ask you for advice on how to deal with the situation with the other people involved.

4. Avoid taking sides

It is important that you always remain impartial during your purpose of reconciling the parties involved in the conflict. Otherwise, instead of calming things down between your friends, you could increase the personal quarrel even more. It’s best to show them that you can accept both their points of view without taking sides.

The example you can give them regarding how you deal with the situation, and how you are able to remain impartial among them, turns out to be a fundamental contribution to make them overcome their differences and become good friends again . Many times people learn more by example than by words.

5. Avoid forcing reconciliation

Something that is totally contrary to the intention we have to make our friends reconcile in a good way is to try to do this process in a hasty and forced way. It is advisable to understand that perhaps your friends need some time to reflect on what might have happened.

Don’t try to get them together without their consent to talk, this can end up in an uncomfortable situation for everyone, and then it will be even more complicated for your friends to want to see each other again. Remember that nothing that is forced brings good results.

6. Ask them how they would resolve the conflict

Through this question you are giving your friends the possibility to accept that they want to settle things with other people, and a planning process will start in their mind to solve the conflict that may exist between them.

It is important that you give them the right ideas so that they act in the best possible way.

7. Make them see the good in other people

It is common that during fights people only focus on the negative aspects of each other , and even magnify them.

Your role as a conflict mediating friend will be to recognize and diminish the biases that exist between the parties involved, so that they can remember the positive things about each other.

8. Suggest that they meet to clarify things

It is not the same to force a situation as to make a suggestion; we must keep this in mind to avoid misunderstandings. What we should look for is for our friends to be willing to meet personally to discuss their conflict and why it has arisen.

9. Understands everyone’s reasons

Although you want your friends to reconcile, you should also be aware that they may have their own personal reasons for having decided to leave some people . We can’t pretend that because we are still friends with someone that our other friends have to be, and we shouldn’t ridicule their decisions either.

10. Respect final decisions

In case we have failed to do everything in our power to get our friends to overcome their differences and resume their friendship, we must accept their personal decisions and avoid taking a stance that insists on changing their minds . Each person is the master of his or her own decisions.

Bibliographic references:

  • Haynes, J.M. (2012). Fundamentals of Family Mediation: A Practical Manual for Mediators Mexico City: Gaia Ediciones